Is Forced Fatherhood Fair?

I've known men who've been entrapped by women into having kids (she went off the pill, didn't tell him ...). The one I'm thinking of should have finally been freed of his childcare obligations a year or two back. Her moving across the country meant he had virtually no access to the child. She's gone on to scam a few other men. And that's only one story.

I've known men (and women, for what it's worth) who've fallen prey to the immigration green-card marriage scam. Makes you think long and hard about getting involved with someone who doesn't have permanent residency (itself a significant pain in the US now). The good news is that you're fairly safe from risks in this case so long as you don't get married.

And of course, there's the divorce situation. One joke making the rounds after the 2008 financial crisis was: "It's worse than a divorce: I've lost my house, my car, and, half my retirement, and I've still got the wife". Divorce isn't easy on anyone, but the financial hit can be severe. Even in states with formulas for asset distribution, one vengeful party can drive legal costs through the roof.

The decreased level of financial security facing both men and women today may also be having a negative effect on relationships and marriage. Marketplace Radio is running a special program this week (which I hope they extend) called "Consumed", asking questions about our consumer economy, starting with "is it sustainable" (spoiler alert: no). On Wednesday's show, a story focused on a 43 year old adjunct art teacher. Working part-time, one of the sacrifices she's made is having a family: "At some point I had to think about having kids, and it's not been financially feasible for me to support anybody besides myself."

http://www.marketplace.org/topics/sustainability/consumed/pa...

I've also known quite a few families who have tried to live like it was the 1980s all over again, with mortgages and credit cards and HELOCs. For many of them, _that_ path is ending in bankruptcy, divorce, extra jobs, and/or little or no retirement savings.

We're seeing the cracks all over the place, but you can't apply pressures as we have without them appearing in multiple places.

Including on the dating and mating pools.

There's just not a subtle way to put except that when a man has sex with a woman there is always the possibility of pregnancy. Condoms break, the pill is not 100% effective, vasectomies sometimes fail.

That's not to say there aren't problems with how paternity is treated in our current legal system. I just don't think downplaying the responsibilities men face is a good strategy here.

I could see a rule something like the following: in case of an unplanned pregnancy, the woman must inform the man within the first trimester that she is pregnant, and obtain a written (and perhaps notarized) agreement from him to the effect that he is willing to pay child support. If she doesn't tell him or he doesn't sign the agreement, she will be unable to legally compel him to pay. If she tells him and he doesn't sign, now she knows what to expect, in time to abort the pregnancy if that is her choice.

Probably very few men would sign such an agreement, but the few who did would probably be relatively easy to collect from.