10 years later, ‘Star Wars Kid’ speaks out
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Raza said he lost what few friends he had in the fallout, and had to change schools. “In the common room, students climbed onto tabletops to insult me,” he told L’actualité.
All "cyberbullying" does is prevent the bullying from stopping when the kids go home. Potential anonymity is a negligible factor as far as I can tell.Yes, being world famous probably escalated the reach of his ridicule, but even if it never left his school, what was essentially his whole world turned against him. As someone else mentions in a comment there doesn't seem to be anything we can do to prevent this sort of pack behavior. But I hope someone does figure out a way.
> All "cyberbullying" does is prevent the bullying
> from stopping when the kids go home.
It also changes the jurisdiction for the bullying. School policies and enforcement cover bullying that happens in school. Off campus, however, it's less clear. It might still be covered by the school's rules. It might be a private matter between families. It might be a legal matter.Off campus, 'bullying' is harassment and possibly assault. Or are those not actually crimes when the victim is a child?
The police tend not to get involved because they believe parents and teachers are better placed to fix this behaviour than the law. And in general bullying in children is something that needs other than criminal punishment imo.
Obviously children need protection in all of their spheres of existence. At school its supposed to be teachers. At home (and on the internet) it's supposed to be their parents. And the layer above that is always the police and the state. That never changes.
As an aside, cyber bullying is super interesting to me, because when I was at school, home was the safety net. But so was the wotmania forum/chat room (when i was allowed to use the phone line...).
So much of the internet is annonymous, and that is part of what I enjoyed. There was no "social" then, or not really. Just a completely different way of being online I suppose?
That's a pretty big 'all'
The internet has destroyed that. IMHO, it is the single worst thing the internet has done.
I sincerely hope no one suggests that parents should exclude their kids from the internet which allows the bullys to win and control cyber space. Worse still, it then excludes them from the friends they might still have, and a lot of things the victim can use to fight back, and distract them selves from the nastiness. The internet is more good than bad.
I think laws for cyber bullying should have harsher penalties than normal face to face bullying. Face to face stuff is limited by physical proximity and time, cyber bullying can be 24/7. If bullied at school, the kid can escape it by going home after school, and not being there at weekends. With cyber bullying, you might not even get an evening off, let alone a week end.
Internet doesn't penetrate anything. It's not like I plug my network cable in and my screen gets flooded with things I don't want to see or hear. It just displays a small popup saying "You're now connected".
Internet can actually be controlled much better than other technologies. Try stopping prank callers or abusive text messages. In your e-mail client it is just adding one simple rule and they all end up in my junk box.
At school, when the bullies are following you around the playground all day long, you've got nowhere to hide.
Also, most cyberbullying typically leaves a papertrail behind it - you can take the Facebook posts or whatever as evidence of what's going on. In the physical world, that's often a lot harder to get.
[1] = http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2004/03/19
[2] = They probably, at the end of the day, are not sincere. Instead, they are probably wordvomiting the pithiest, meanest thing they can think of in 3 seconds.
It's the "upset people" that's disgusting in itself.
Second, you are rude.
Third, what you propose is called "blame the victim". It's immature, rude and equally bad as the bullying itself.
Then perhaps we shouldn’t tip him off? Isn’t that the whole point of hellbans: they get to spill their venom and we can just ignore them.
I hadn't considered that specific viewpoint, yet it makes so much sense.
Furthermore, you won't be offended when others judge, reject, or humiliate you. Instead you will feel a sorrow for those who live in such a way, a sorrow that can hopefully be nurtured into compassion. If this sorrow turns into a holier-than-thou attitude, though, then we have a problem. :) The way to avoid this is through honest recognition of one's own weaknesses; once again, humility.
Emotions and opinions are fickle; the way people treat others reflects as much about the struggles and burdens they bear as they do about how they might "really" feel about something. To make ourselves beholden to other people's opinions and judgments is to necessarily strap ourselves to a roller coaster.
As someone who used to struggle with this a lot -- albeit unconsciously, because I was the one who was harsh towards others -- this is my experience.
Adolescence is the onset of adulthood before the capacity to function as a real adult in the real world is reached. One of the things that adolescents search for is some form of personal validation besides their parents and immediate family. It is probably close enough to true that we are biologically driven to look for this outside acceptance.
Unfortunately our society favors heavily segregating children based on age. That results in confused & clueless teens begging for acceptance from equally clueless people from the same wing of the same asylum.
Once in the real world a functional adult who can hold down a job finds there are a million ways to find personal validation. Teens do not have that opportunity; they (often) imagine that the opinion of other teenagers is the only path to validation.
I can't remember if the author states any scholarly work to support the idea, but she talks about it at length. One thing that I think is well established is that kids mostly being around other kids all day is a relatively modern phenomenon. It's a long piece, but it resonated with me.
In the past, adolescence was the onset of adulthood, period. In many parts of the world that's probably still true. It's our modern society that keeps young adults trapped in childhood until they're 18-21+.
That aside, I think it's the parent's responsibility to make sure their kids develop the capacity to function as adults by the time they have to start dealing with this stuff. Unfortunately that often doesn't happen, which leads to the problems you describe.
Maybe what we need to be doing is teaching the parents how to teach their children to be adults, through a medium that reaches both the parents and the children. We need "How to be an Adult" video games on mobile phones, perhaps.
http://www.amazon.com/How-Be-Man-John-Birmingham/dp/18759892...
It's written tongue in cheek but beneath the humor lies some great messages : you're all grown up now, start looking after things.
Young people (13-21 year olds) should be seen as adults in training.
Instead they are given the role of adolescents, a role that they gladly take on. When you call someone an adolescent you set a very, very low bar. An adolescent doesn't want to grow, its pleasures are vain, its world secluded. The adolescent doesn't become an adult, since it is already "there" (the place that pop-culture glamorizes). Adolescence is thus seem as an end in itself.
Now if we lived in world where people didn't get old, and bills didn't need to be paid, we could all be adolescents forever and maybe there would not be any problem (though I would object on aesthetic grounds).
But the world being what it is, letting a young person live its youth as an "adolescent" and then forcing it to become an adult is a cruel thing. (And lets not forget all the kids for whom "adolescence" is far from pleasurable.)
http://www.paulgraham.com/nerds.html
This is an incredibly insightful piece, one of the best. It talks about how, as a society, we shunt kids into a lord of the flies situation, and we force them to build skills that have little use outside the schoolyard. The problem is a lack of mentoring and not treating adolescents as people entering adulthood, but rather as a problem to be managed.
Lots of cultures have initiations and rites of passage, and into this modern void hazing, bullying and downright weird stuff has popped up amongst peers rather than elders.
I don't have the answer but it does cause a lot of problems.
They say it because in their circles, that's a perfectly acceptable thing to say, and no one would interpret it as anything more than an expression of disapproval. (think 4chan, many subreddits, etc.).
They then forget that outside of their circles, people aren't necessarily privy to such culture, and say it anyway. It probably doesn't even cross their mind that they're saying something hurtful.
I like how you qualify your statement in regards to reddit by saying "subreddits", which implies that it's only a portion of reddit that demonstrates such behavior, but make no such distinction about 4chan, which, contrary to popular belief, does not solely consist of /b/, and in fact has a number of boards that are actually quite civil.
That said, your point is valid, and, as a regular of one of the more vitriolic boards, I sometimes forget to "switch modes" so to speak, and find myself acting in the manner you describe. My anecdote, for what it's worth.
I'm just glad the guy seems to have taken the right lessons from his experience. Makes me hopeful that other kids will be able to do just fine too.
Sure; but... this wasn't online. This was in the real, physical world, right in front of him. They stood on tables and declared it to him, even, so says the article.
I'm actually more concerned that his friends abandoned him afterwards. Kids are fairly resilient, as long as they have someone in their corner. I would imagine losing his friends over it hurt more then some random classmate telling him to kill himself.
This one is much shorter an, from an outside perspective, much more pointed. I don't really see how anyone could see that demand as anything other than "go end your life [because of these reasons]"
I wonder if the person who posted the video is doing as well?
Edit: Your comment should not be so heavily downvoted for the misunderstanding.
McGill is a great school, you're right. And nobody implied otherwise.
I remember sending money here: http://waxy.org/2003/05/finding_the_sta/
Also: "It was “a very dark period,” he said. “No matter how hard I tried to ignore people telling me to commit suicide, I couldn’t help but feel worthless, like my life wasn’t worth living.”" >> $4k and an iPod.
All teenagers have insecurities, but nothing like the true outcasts (of which I was certainly one). We spent all our time wondering not only why we couldn't fit in, but what was wrong with us. Because there surely had to be something deeply wrong with us. Most of us assumed, deep down, that it was somehow our fault.
That video might as well have been produced by that kid's superego -- as if every self-inflicted wound of self-hatred was now confirmed. People were advising him to commit suicide, and only strength of character could have prevented him from doing it. People have killed themselves over far lesser shames, and I'm honestly not sure I would have survived it.
I'm glad he's creating a successful life for himself. And I'll admit it, though I'm not proud it: I hope the fucker who posted that video ends up pumping his gas.
> So many people watch and laugh at this vids, and they are the same people who hear Retah's story and think bullying is terrible. We don't realize how hypocrtical we can all be sometimes.
I found this quite entertaining as well: http://cdn02.cdn.justjared.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/je...
I found this narration of an embarassing incident entertaining as well: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nliuibEp-xo
... and that's off the top of my head. In your world, does that make me a bad person?
There's a spectacular crash on the highway. A barrage of thousands of onlookers makes it hard for the ambulance to reach the site. Because of that, the crashed guy dies. Are these onlookers bad people?
Not a single one is guilty for his death. They're certainly bad as a group. But of course you can't put 1000 people on trial for each being 0.1 percent guilty.
The only thing you can do is hope each single one decides for himself, whether he thinks he's bad... whether he will prioritize his interest as a curious onlooker over a victims wishes and future life path the next time a crash happens.
People can cause bad results without being bad.
What is more important is to encourage compassion and discourage ridicule and bullying. The difference between laughing at embarrassing moments and using such events as a basis for bullying is not at all subtle. There are light-years of difference between someone saying "this is hilarious" and someone saying "kill yourself".
By doing nothing, we may have indirectly contributed to the bullying Raza experienced at school.
I'm not saying watching videos == cyberbullying, but the truth of the matter is, this kid had to change schools because of that video. What would happen if I or you took two seconds out of our life to write a simple comment on the video saying something like, "yo that's hilarious. keep on keeping."
He may have gotten a little mental peace that all of us who watched from miles away were simply laughing at his antics, and not him as a person. Instead, we laughed from afar and remained silent, leaving Raza by himself to face the onslaught of those who decided to be maliciously vocal.
Honestly, I'm sure everybody would have wanted to do the same, imitate darth maul or others. He was just the first to do it.
BTW I wonder how the 2 nicely done lightsaber videos were inspired by this or not.
I see people posting horrendous stuff with their real names all the time on youtube. I don't think anonymity is what causes these horrible comments: it's more the fact that the internet creates a "barrier" between two people. It's easier to say something with conviction in text than it is in person, even if you're typing it under your real name.
Edit: I guess I need to clarify that my friend was a perfect gentleman to the guy. Very non threatening. Not in the same road-rage way the other guy had been on the road. The situation ended very peacefully and the other guy apologized. This was not one of those "I'll throw your dog into traffic" situations. I can't imagine why confronting a bully like that would be looked down upon but I guess HN is fickle that way.
I'm not sure why Youtube even bothered allowing text comments in the first place, let alone why they didn't go to video-response only years ago.
So a YT comment stream takes on a party line vibe and (IMO) there's not much point taking the time to write something thoughtful.
Mainly when I have commented is on videos on niche subjects when I'm reasonably sure the video poster/artist/producer will see it.
I imagine on a Facebook and the like, people might request a friendship and then quickly use the platform for abuse and this can render it un-usable.
But outside of that - a person is under no pressure of revealing his identity in most situations; in fact most of the internet experience is read-only and a person can choose what to view.
Is there something I'm missing? Is it ignorant to imagine that the internet would be a place for refuge for any social outcast, even internet celebrities?
My central concern is that as technology has advanced it has been easier and easier for humans to live in larger and larger groups. As the potential for our embarrassing moments to become viral memes which spread around the world has grown so has the potential for these kind of moments to utterly destroy someone's confidence, if not life.
I do hope some kind of solution is found. I just can't see how. We're fighting against progress. Some kid making a fool of themselves in a small tribe of ~100 people is manageable. When the fool's audience suddenly becomes every internet connected person on the planet it is hard to sit everyone down and quietly explain "hey, maybe you should lay off starwars kid".
YouTube has a lot of Internet-celebrities that started out with one random video that went viral, and now they have thousands or millions of followers. And look at photo memes - those were just random Flickr/Facebook posts that are now everywhere.
To change this effect would perhaps require changing the fundamental way people network online nowadays.
And we have plenty of bullying in the adult world.
If you fix bullying in schools, you will help fix bullying in society in general. If you fix bullying in society in general, you will help fix bullying in prisons.
I had the surprising insight a few months ago that rape culture is just the Stanford Prison Experiment writ large. It was an insight triggered by reading some commentary about Stuebenville.
It never really occurred to me that people would ridicule him for what he did.
I learned the easy way I guess, by watching what happened to him.
EDIT: reading the article intro, and the fact that he is now a law school graduate, I can't help thinking if perhaps this is step 1 in starting to leverage his worldwide fame. A law firm specialising in prosecuting bullying behavior in workplaces, or something similar? I hope it is the case and he manages to leverage the laughter into real success.
Yeah.. I don't think so.
Can't wait to read the article.
Hate speech is more than insulting someone. It's advocating physical harm.
He needed to have a sense of humor about himself, and it would take the sting of the attacks away. As long as you try to fight it and hold on to the belief that people are wrong to laugh at your hilarious video, then you're going to lose. Because you're wrong.
He chose to record himself acting like a jackass and then left the video laying around. Yeah, a lot of dickheads acted like dickheads in response. But that's going to happen in life. Rather than getting bent out of shape because some random stranger told you to kill yourself, take it for what it is; someone displacing their own self hatred on an easy target.
I was hoping this article would have him saying something like:
"On reflection, honestly, the video is hilarious. I can laugh at it now. It was embarrassing at the time, but I am glad people got joy out of it."
Oh well. Hopefully one day he'll grow as a person and find some self respect within himself rather than blaming others for his own lack of self esteem.
Not exactly something that would help you in life. I feel bad for the fella. Yes the video is hilarious, but he didn't "have it coming".
Public embarrassment is not exactly something you dismiss that casually.
Go kill yourself you worthless cunt.
Downvoted.
When a teenager who is barely out of adolescence and is already picked on for his weight and nerdy interests gets hit by something like this it's basically a hydrogen bomb on whatever meager social acceptance he had accumulated up to that point.
In other words, give the guy a break.
Luckily for you, all you did was post words semi-anonymously, not a video that identifies you to your friends, peers and colleagues. You are unlikely to ever be held to account, congratulated or hated, personally, day to day, for your words.
More over, today we know a lot more about the consequences of these things. They had no idea back then. Its wrong to apply today's standards tot he past.