To clarify: I do understand algorithmic complexity. You don't often study information theory and ordering while skipping Big-O and friends if you're into CS. I was rather mad at myself for missing it in an interview. I should know it but I struggle with it under pressure.
If it's not one thing it's another though... and the repeated failures to find market acceptance for all the effort I expend to be a good developer is draining. I don't think I had any specific intent before I wrote this. I've just been trying to write it for weeks because this is something I'm going through and it's not something I find easy to talk about. I started out hoping to find out more about myself but I'm just left with more questions.
I'm ten years into a career and have had a long passion for programming (ever since I was a young kid copying BASIC listings into a Commodore).