Taking Apple private: Makes sense but nobody has the money

Is it crazy for Apple to use its money to create its own "bank", then loan itself the money needed for a buyout?

My understanding of the resistance of Japanese companies to buyouts is due to the Keiritsu system rather than any legal hurdles.

To buy the controlling stake of, say, Mitsubishi the car manufacturer, you would need to buy shares from Meiji Mutual Life, Mitsubishi Steel Manufacturing, Mitsubishi Gas Chemicals, the Bank of Tokyo and a bunch of other companies.

And they won't sell. For any price.