Some tips on how to be a better listener | Hacker News Reader

Some tips on how to be a better listener

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35 pointsrishikhullar16 comments

I've seen plenty of well intended articles on this topic... but what's being addressed are the symptoms, not the problem.

When you're in a conversation, all you have to do is force yourself to believe that the person you're speaking with could have a viewpoint worth considering.

Tell yourself in your head: Maybe he has a point. Let's hear him out. Good listening automatically follows.

I'd also say that the other side of this is neglected, namely how to get others to listen better to you.

Those who have issues listening well are probably less likely to be looking out for advice on how to do so, so what can we do when we find ourselves needing to communicate with them?

This is anecdotal and not even carefully collected, but I feel like I tend to listen more attentively when I feel like I am being listened to myself. So being a better listener may automatically do a lot of good at getting people to listen to you.

I agree completely!

Sometimes people are bad at listening when they believe the speaker has a great point. That's what excites the listener to race ahead to responses. I think it's easier said than done to be patient in those situations.

I think it's surprising how many people grow up without the ability to listen to other people. It's a fundamental part of almost all relationships yet I think it's sidelined by many people in favour of having strong opinions and cool stories (not a bad thing either) - especially in a work situation where being right isn't what's always important.

I'm guilty of it sometimes as well, so will keep these in mind. Thanks!

Many years ago someone I met in a public park[1] told me:

"Nowadays it is more important to hold an opinion than to be capable to defend or justify it".

[1] Which the situation in itself is a good story I'll tell another time.

Totally. I also hate the idea that everyone's opinion is valid and should be revered. I know very little about nuclear reactors, so my opinion isn't as valid as someone who actually knows stuff about nuclear reactors. It's what makes radio phone ins so stupid to me - "Here's builder Phil from Plymouth with his opinion on quantitative easing" ????

Funny thing: while reading I was like 'yes, that's exactly it! I know! That happened to me when...' And probably these would have been the comments I'd have interrupted my speaker with.

Spot on insights, couldn't agree more. It takes a great deal of self discipline to shut up and really listen, but it definitely pays off in long term relationship and reputation.

My granddad always said all it takes to be a great listener is to stop talking. The world needs talkers and listeners, if everyone listened there would be nothing to listen to.

Thank you for this post; it couldn't have come at a better time for me!

That's awesome to hear...glad you found it helpful!

TL;DR

I would read this, but it hurts my eyes. Respectfully consider a higher text/background combination: http://contrastrebellion.com/

Done.

I always tell my girl to shut up. Never works.

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