Young Coder With Worried Parents. Advice Needed

I'm a successful startup founder (we're 100 people plus and making money) and I was lucky enough to have supportive parents as a kid. Although I didn't really start coding seriously until after college.

It sounds like you are smart / articulate, so you'll do fine no matter what, especially if you work on things you are interested in.

I think your instrument analogy is perfect. You might not turn out to be a rock star, but getting good at code is probably the most valuable skill you can get (aside from reading challenging books).

So I'd tell my parents the truth. They are probably somewhat scared because people tend to be scared of what they don't understand.

As long as you are asking for advice, here are 2 unsolicited points:

* You don't have to study computers in college to be a world class programmer. Study art or biology or something and (assuming you keep getting good at coding on the side) you'll be able to create things that matter. Others who went to school may turn out to be better coders, but you'll write code that people care about.

* Open source. Learn to love github. Share everything you can on there, even if it sucks. If you think something is just an experiment / hack, say so in the readme, but don't let that stop you from posting it. And don't be scared to send pull requests to projects you end up using / fixing bugs on. You'll run into some bad apples but a few people will be super happy to help you get your code quality to the point where they can merge your fix. Being good at open source collaboration is in a lot of ways a more important skill than actually writing algorithms or other coding skills.

I agree with dilithiumhe3's idea of getting a teacher or akin to help evangelize your talent, and can be great platforms for personal growth...yea, don't worry about your parents; if they don't 'get it' then you'll just be waisting energy trying to convince them the world isn't flat. Get yourself an adult mentor, preferably one with dot-com scars and/or tattoos, but anyone willing to mentor and stimulate your brain will do. A charismatic mentor is also a powerful weapon upon the wil of your parents, tho only as strong as your grades and attitude so try not to be a punk too much and get any new privileges revoked (that was my mistake). I also wouldn't worry about the computer too much. computers are stupid tools that just piss you off the more time you spend on it. Pickup the Guitar, they're fun to play and the chicks will love you...and you'll also learn a whole lot about structure, composition, analysis - fundamentals of any programing language. Finally, stop sneaking weed and playboys with your friends; go someplace quiet, spark up, and and ponder gravity, or probability, or psychology. whatever stimulates your neurons. The blackhole of adulthood quickly approaches, best set your trajectory early & often.

P.S. _ignore_ the haters! They're NOT trying to change the world, that's why they got time to hate.

godpseed dude.

Since you love programming, and by extension problem solving, think of the whole situation as a problem to solve. You are having a hard time trying to convince your parents that what you're doing is worthwhile -- to you, it's even more important than the other things you do because you're more passionate about it. There are a few things you could do here (some of them you just have to accept because you have no control).

1. You could work hard on your project, do everything in the power available to you to make it successful and prove them wrong. Possible, but just takes a lot more work and determination than you may think.

2. Fake it and please them. Let them always see you playing guitar or doing something they'd like to see you do. Still keep working hard at school, but in three years you could start doing the things you love. Also, you're still very young so there's a lot of time. And you'll definitely learn a lot in three years.

3. This is actually not as bad as you may think but you can just do what they say and you'll still be out in three years. You could always work on the stuff you want then. Don't automatically discount this idea.

These are just off the top of my head. I'm sure if you think about it pragmatically you'll come up with some good ideas to take the weight off your head. Take it easy.

I had the same problem growing up. I would suggest explaining your case to your parents, showing them your plans or your work would definitely bolster your chances of them being on your side and understand. It is probable that they simply don't know what you do and always assume that you aren't doing something productive, maybe going through the route of getting a teacher on your side and helping you out may be really helpful too.

>I had the same problem growing up.

What was your parents' worry or objection? It would be interesting to know.

I have a couple of ideas: first, have your parents buy you a programming tutor. This will validate your time and actually might benefit you a lot (if you find the right one).

Second, read some biographies of famous programmers and entrepreneurs. You'll probably enjoy that and you might be able to show your parents that you're doing something that other successful people do.

Next, find some way to compete or have your skills verified. Enter hackathons, for instance.

And like many commenters have said, make something and show them. Are you a toddler playing with dry pasta all day? That's not good. Are you making macaroni necklaces for mom? She'd like that.

Also, as a software engineer I don't even think about "hours spent on the computer". If you are serious about computers, eliminate that thought from your brain. It's a tool as indispensable to me as a pen would have been to a writer. I work on it as much as I need to. Some weeks that's 0 hours, some weeks that's 100.

Also, remember this struggle and write about it for your college essay. Good stuff.

Talking to your parents and showing that what you are doing is likely to be beneficial. Probably you can shows the codes posted at github and then show where the coder is working--running their own show or running the show at some big company etc. If they see that what you are doing is what guys much older to you are doing and is likely to help you, probably your problem may get solved.

Take some online classes on programming! There are plenty of free classes you can take online now through Coursera, edX, or Udacity. The classes are offered for the benefit of the students more than anything else, but they do offer certificates (the vast majority of them at least) of completion as well as paced assignments which are graded. This may be more along the lines of traditional proof that you are being productive that your parents are looking for. Additionally, if they are worried about you going to college, most colleges have a process by which you can take an exam for credit for courses which you purport to already be knowledgeable in. It's possible that if you learn the material from an online course, you could end up translating that knowledge to credit wherever you go to school. If you make this argument to your parents, you may be able to continue learning what you're interested, furthering your education, and appeasing them all at the same time.

I have kids and don't mind if they use the computer for long periods of time just as long as they are creating and not just consuming. Creating a website and learning to code is good. Playing games all day, not so good. Some games like Minecraft can be creative and you can learn a lot from them, but your still just playing a game and not impacting the world.

So try to tell your parents this is your creative outlet. And you are not just consuming crap, but creating things that will impact people's lives. Also if you continue down this path your probably going to make some serious cash either with your own idea or helping to build something amazing.

Show them something. Build something with your knowledge and show them to prove that you're not spending time. Build some educational website or something like this, then you're parents will be able to see that you're actually doing something when you 'spend' time with computer.

Grades are the way for your parents to see that you're good at school, if you build something with computer that would be the way for them to see that you're not spending time.

Have you tried to just show them what your working on and explain it? Show them your doing something productive, and learning in the process and not just screwing around.

Why not to make a simple, useful CRUD app for your parents to show then that what actually you do ??

It looks Luke you are hiding your work. If you can't show it to your parents how can you show it to the world. If you are passionate about what you do, don't be afraid to share it. They either like it or they don't no other options

A lot of parents see many of the habits of younger generations as antisocial.

Try to get them to understand how you're connecting with the world and people, not avoiding the 'real world' (whatever that means) and people.

Try to talk to them. Explain what are your goals, show them that you're not a lazy kid who uses the computer only for recreational activities. Show them examples of other "kids" who started young and did great things.

Getting so absorbed in the computer that you are late for dinner would be a bad move. But you seem like a very sharp 15-year-old, so you probably already know that.

You could go to a job boards to show the technologies your learning are marketable for getting a job.

I think what you wrote is a terrific start, if you can share it with them in what you think is a safe manner. For example, while we know what Hacker News is, would seeing that name at the top of this page scare them before they took the time to learn the context (or even read what you wrote)?

I'd be quite happy if I had a 15 year old son with such an interest and who could express it so well. And who also apparently has a healthy social life and life beyond just programming.

I wish some of the "big names" on here would make a comment. Your parents might "get it" a bit more if they saw pg, "the creator" of Gmail, and the like speaking up with an encouraging word.

Wishing you luck, in any event. And, difficult as it may be, convincing your parents may well be good practice for making effective arguments, on many and varied topics, in the future.

As an alternative, get a few appropriate sound tracks and them you're really into creating electronic music? ;-)

--

P.S. What about buying a printed copy of pg's book, "Hackers and Painters", and seeing whether you can get your parents to read it?

The essays its based on are available individually, here. (The book is, as I understand it, a subset of these.)

http://www.paulgraham.com/articles.html

Learning to play an instrument is fine.

Learning to play an instrument in order to "change the world" and become the #1 rock star is worrying.

There are other factors involved, lots of people want to be rock stars, so there is a lot of competition, and many of them are very mean people who don't fight fair.

There are lots of people who wanted to become rock stars but didn't make it or aren't smart enough, and they will be jealous and try and stop you. They don't care how hard you are trying. They will even try to steal it if you succeed.

You CAN do it, but it will probably take ten or twenty years or more and be much, much, much harder than you think.

You will eventually have to become very obsessed with programming and spend 12 hours every day doing it, just like a rock star or basketball star spends all day practicing. You won't have any friends or girlfriend or normal life.

If you don't succeed, you will become mean too, and have no choice but to work for somebody else like a slave, even though you worked so hard.

That's probably what your parents worry about.

It's up to you. Are you the smartest? Are you willing to work the hardest, harder than anybody, for 20 years? Are you willing to give up your entire future?

That's what it will take to "change the world," and in reality, the world won't change very much no matter what you do. Even Steve Jobs only really gave people new cellphones, and he spent his whole life trying that hard, and died very young because of it.

Who downvoted this man? I want this guy to succeed as much as you do, but we can't let him burn out.

What Mr. Throwaway is saying isn't necessarily true, but you need to keep it in mind, because it's true enough. (Of course, if somebody on the 'net telling you it's impossible is enough to stop you, you were doomed from the start.)

Mr. Throwaway is probably giving your parents too much credit. I suspect they're worried about you wasting your time. (Lord knows I do enough of that.)

My recommendations:

1. Tell them about your radical plans to change the world, if you feel like you can. If you don't move on, don't put yourself or your mission in danger over their approval.

2. Try writing some code on paper. It doesn't "look" like wasting your time, and it trains your mental debugging skills. I found it helpful, if it's not working for you then move on.[0]

3. Do you have a phone? Install an SSH client and then program on your box over SSH. (If you use Windows or OSX, set up Linux in a virtual machine. If that doesn't make sense, then try to set up the remote session protocol supported by your OS.) If you don't, oh well.

4. Buy a pre-paid credit card or some such, and order a raspberry pi. Don't tell your parents. Have it shipped to a PO box if you can afford one or a friends house. (Ask your friend for permission first obviously.) Set it up where nobody will find it with thrift shop gear. (Old tv, mouse, keyboard.) A friends house might work if you can ask to come over a lot. If you don't have somewhere to set it up (where they won't find it), don't bother.

You sound like a resourceful person, I'm sure you can figure something out.

[0]: If you haven't yet, learn to touch type. Dvoraks or Qwerty. This will give you the superpower of being able to type a document without looking at the screen. Or more importantly, type a document while looking at something else. Giving you transcription superpowers. I recommend gtypist.

Happy Hacking!

I disagree. OP is fifteen. I was staggeringly ambitious when I was fifteen, and although I didn't achieve everything I was aiming for, I'm super-glad I was.

It is easy to "change the world". Next time you're walking on the sidewalk, and see a piece of trash, stoop and pick it up. Presto: you've made the world a better place.

The question is how much, but certainly saying that OP "won't have any friends or girlfriend or normal life" IS COMPLETELY WRONG. Most very successful people I know have satisfying personal lives.

I dissent from the parent. I would suggest you not ask yourself "Are you willing to work harder than anybody, for 20 years?", or indeed to compare yourself to others at all. The question I would invite you to ask yourself, which it sounds like you are doing already, is "What is something interesting and helpful I could learn?"

Good luck to you!

Please don't tell my parents I'm a programmer.

They think I'm a piano player at a brothel.

Reference to an old russian joke?