Hilariously Mean Roger Ebert Reviews

"No matter what they’re charging to get in, it’s worth more to get out."

"Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it."

"If I ever do a festival of films that deserve to be overlooked, Friends & Lovers is my opening night selection."

"It is hopelessly incompetent… I am not certain that anyone involved has ever seen a movie, or knows what one is."

I wonder if critics (the ones who write a column every day or week) have paragraphs like this written out beforehand and look for a product to use it on? Sort of boilerplate?

"To call it an anticlimax would be an insult not only to climaxes but to prefixes. It's a crummy secret, about one step up the ladder of narrative originality from It Was All a Dream. It's so witless, in fact, that when we do discover the secret, we want to rewind the film so we don't know the secret anymore.

"And then keep on rewinding, and rewinding, until we're back at the beginning, and can get up from our seats and walk backward out of the theater and go down the up escalator and watch the money spring from the cash register into our pockets."