When "What Do You Do?" Is Taboo
nytimes.com
nytimes.com
Wow. That's so cynical I barely know where to start. I've helped many of my friends monetarily in the past, and they've been nothing but grateful. Why do I do it? Certainly not because I expect them to pay me back with interest... I do it because when I was at a terribly low point in my life, someone I barely knew gave me $100. It was enough to get through the month and let me continue job hunting without wondering what I was going to eat.
It's not a financial investment. It's an investment in a person.
/soapbox
If I have the means, I never hesitate to help a friend or family member in need, and rarely ask for anything in return, I would never ask for interest, and rarely even place any expectations on such a loan. "Pay me what you can, when you can," is common terms of repayment for loans such as these.
> "Really, it was God’s plan for me to move back with my parents at age 30?"
I read articles like this all the time about joblessness and they always choose examples like this.
Why choose a standup comedian as an example? Thats one of the hardest businesses to get into... and has been a long time.
I've read lots of stories of artists (and startup founders such as the founder of Mint.com) who moved in with their parents to pursue their dream despite the low chances of financial success.
If you're trying to find sympathy among readers, at least choose good examples of struggling individuals. For example, the thousands of well educated law or psych majors who are unemployed.
Does it mean that your job search consists of looking for "stand up comic" positions? Does it mean that you have experience in stand up comedy and you are now unemployed but considering other positions? Does it mean that you are practising stand-up comedy whilst you are unemployed but not making enough income for it to count as "employment"?
I have friends who identify themselves as "musicians" because that is what they see as their profession (they went to music college etc) but their actual income comes from elsewhere.
> who collected unemployment for a year and a half five years ago
She's a stand-up comic now, five years later, and was unemployed from whatever she was doing back then.
Edit: ...though it does strike me as very weird that out of the few people interviewed for this article, two of them are comedians. "Hi, I'm writing a fluff piece about talking to unemployed people -- know anyone willing to say something clever or interesting on the subject?"
Years ago an acquaintance said that he made people very uncomfortable at parties in Washington when they asked him what he did and he replied, "Nothing."
Was it annoying to hear my parents suggest I should just take a job at the supermarket when I was unemployed? Yes. Was it equally annoying when I'd be connected by a friend to someone who had a job but in an area I had no interest in? Absolutely!
When I was unemployed, what got me out of it were chance conversations with people. I doubt I would have gone past the small-talk stage had I lashed out or fumed about the annoyance of being unemployed.
In the end of my six-month unemployment stint, I sent out nearly 120 copies of my resume to various places. Yes, I counted out of curiosity as well as to keep track of status and follow-ups. Toward the end, I had two offers both out of chance/networking encounters because I rolled with these small-talk punches.
In short, unemployed folk, be patient and kind. Very kind. And don't listen to this drivel.
I have also tended to be a bit skeptical of getting a job by spewing resumes all over the internet. I doubt that this works well, unless you have some really impressive stuff on your resume. I haven't looked for a job in a while, but I would bet that it's more effective to meet people in person by going to whatever events you can find or even the offices of companies you might want to work for. For software people, internet links to things that you have actually built is probably better too. Of course, driving around and going to conferences can eat up a good bit of money too...
You can't relate, but you sympathize. That's seen as condescending. You feel compelled to offer to help, and that's seen as insensitive and condescending.
Eventually the walking on eggshells around this person starts to make you miserable, too. But it's misery of a different kind, so it doesn't love the company.
For reasons similar to those mentioned in the article, I've started to instead ask, "What do you do for fun?" The answers can end up being more interesting, and it allows people to define themselves in a way that's not tied to what they do for money. Unfortunately, the question can catch people off guard at times.
That's interesting. I'm curious why that would be or how it's manifested. Is it possible that some people don't have much fun?
The real answer here is you probably wouldn't want to have a conversation with me anyway.
I intend the question and respond to it as an inquiry into what kind of work you enjoy doing and spend your day at. Like are you a teacher, rocket scientist, software engineer doing Ruby for a startup, etc. I'd rather talk to people about what they're interested in doing than some income pissing contest.