Were you not around last week or something?
The personal attacks on Adria (death threats and all) are disgusting, but they're not the kind of thing that keeps women away from tech. It's the small discouragements, like the one you did when you mocked a stranger's repo (probably without knowing her gender) that keep women from thriving in tech.
I'm really sorry for the ad hominem/tu quoque, but if you want to make tech a better field for women, you have to make some adjustments that can make it better for non-heterosexual people, people with disabilities, foreigners, etc...
It's not enough to be open for women in tech: we should strive to be friendly to people who don't have the same level of proficiency, people with different tastes and opinions, and strangers.
It's not a kid with a DDoS tool and a fake Twitter account who makes a women avoid a career in STEM. It's a well-meaning technologist accidentally being an asshole (http://blog.steveklabnik.com/posts/2013-01-23-node).
Actions trump words.
I had to report accounts to Twitter for sending her pictures of decapitated women, and posting her home address.
As for that other situation, as you say, actions speak louder than words. I personally feel that the pluses are bigger than the minuses here, but this thread isn't about me.
How does that make sense? I'm honestly curious.
As for Steve (and the others involved in the incident you mentioned), what they did was shitty. Behavior like that can have serious negative consequences as well. I was pretty pissed when that happened, and I really hope it's a mistake they won't make again (and if they do, they'll be getting an earful). However as far as I recall, the offending parties did apologize when called out.
We all fuck up, myself included. Apologies don't make everything better, but it's a world above people making death threats. I value allies who occasionally fuck up that I can call out on their shit over people who are regularly assholes and have no introspection when I call them on it. I've known both. The former has generally provided me with a support system. The latter has just tried to tear me down (see examples in my post).
Absolutely agreed on helping more than women.When I speak about personal experiences, they're mostly about women because that's my lived experience, but I am very much for helping a variety of people. Those who know me recognize me by my catchphrase, "MY TECHNOLOGY WILL BE INTERSECTIONAL OR IT WILL BE BULLSHIT!"
I was considering that before this thing, and am only considering it more after, for what it's worth.
This thread discusses such feelings: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=5411308