Sorry to hear you're so low. I'm concerned that you dismiss therapy and antidepressants so quickly -- I think combined they're a big part of the approach most people take to get better, so it makes sense statistically to take them very seriously, right?

I know that it's often hard to find the right antidepressant, though, and it can involve very painful steps backwards and waiting for something to happen while you're trying a new one. But if you can bear it, finding medication that works seems to have been a large part of getting better for the people I've known who've made it through.

I hope you make it through too!