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My sister is still mad as hell at her husband for not having spent enough for their wedding (he spent about $25k), and I've heard her once or twice complain about the ring.

I'll occasionally take shots at my sister for this (because, well, she's my sister and she loves taking shots at me too so it's fair). But my God I don't dare challenge the issue of spending extravagantly on rings/weddings with another woman (I once did, it didn't go very nicely for me).

But... overtime here's how I've come to rationalize it: symbolism is a strong emotional asset. If it helps make the girl happy, then it's worth it -- because mental happiness is worth it; because mental health is a component of your overall state. And hey, afterall, I did spend $700 on my chair, $300 on my kinesis keyboard, $800 on my LCD monitor, etc. etc.

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My mother always said 'if a big wedding guaranteed happiness everyone would have one'. Then again she came from a generation where a wedding was a church and family with a reception at someone's house - not an opportunity to feed 300 of you 'closest' friends.

We've all seen plenty of insane, $50k weddings result in 3-year marriages.

A friend-of-a-friend of mine synthesized a diamond in his lab for his wife, and etched diffraction gratings on some of the lower faces to customize the frequency of reflected light (he could do arbitrary colors this way).

That's pretty cool. Does he have a writeup of the process?

Now this is the nerdy approach to diamonds that would be totally worth it. I would also love to read more about this.

Not to mention that $25k is considered a completely reasonable amount to spend on a car.

There's no doubt that the wedding industry is a racket (oh, did you want your dinner guests to have forks? That'll be $3 each. Water glasses too? ...) but also there's something to be said for not cheaping out on what's ostensibly one of the most important days of your life. FWIW, we managed to pay less than many people, while getting much better food and drinks than the average wedding and a more memorable, personalized experience by foregoing traditional wedding venues and caterers and instead simply buying out one of our favorite restaurants for the evening.

A car has some level of re-sale value though. UNlike a Diamond or a Wedding.

Good diamonds depreciate less than say cars or stereo equipment or computers. A Tiffany's ring with GIA certs can resell for half its original purchase price. There is an active secondary market in diamonds, so if you buy a high-quality GIA certified stone used, you should be able to sell it for a similar price to what you bought it for. Most of the depreciation on a diamond happens the moment you "drive it off the lot" so a used diamond is going to retain its value much better than a used car.

The key though is having a good quality stone from a reputable cutter with full certification. Diamonds are not fungible like say gold. A low-quality diamond purchased in an expensive mass-market ring isn't going to be worth anything on resale.

Where is this secondary market that you speak of?

Just those pawn shops that will give you 10% of what your shiny rock is 'worth'

Same as the secondary market for used laptops or whatever. There are people who buy used diamonds. Check out pricescope.com.

I used to share in that sentiment, but then I realized a wedding isn't about me, it is about showing the people who have been there for me over the years a great time. Marriage just becomes an excuse to bring them together. What is a few bucks to show someone close to you a fantastic night at least once in your life?

My wedding was stockily expensive by my standards (low to mid five figures), but with gifts we essentially broke even and the party was priceless. I would do it again.

False dichotomy though, the chair is good for your health, the keyboard enhances productivity. The diamond on the other hand is just an outdated symbol of wealth that you flaunt around like it matters and brings nothing to the table but suffering and economic exploitation.

> I did spend $700 on my chair, $300 on my kinesis keyboard, $800 on my LCD monitor, etc. etc.

The difference is that these are all things that increase comfort and health, not only happiness. As somebody who sits at a computer all day, this has a huge impact on your back, wrists, eyes, etc.

Nit: "...mental happiness"

Emotion is all in your head after all. :-)

A crappy chair can screw up someone's back, so logically, buying a good chair is justified and it gives mental happiness. Same for monitor (crappy monitor can screw one's eyes, give headaches etc). So it is all logical.

what real use does a piece of rock (which is what a diamond is) have? How can it possibly give mental happiness? I'm not sure I understand

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