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Comment by tptacek | Hacker News Reader

You sound depressed, and I think you should be talking to people about getting help.

Your career will be fine no matter what you do. Please take your health seriously.

Honestly, having a professional tell me that I was depressed was the turning point in my life. Suddenly the big problem in my life wasn't that I was such a loser, it was that I was inclined to think that I was such a loser. And this new problem was one that I could manage: finding new triggers to my depression and avoiding them; understanding when I'm being unreasonably demanding of myself or others because I've entered an episode; knowing how to help break the negative thought loops that sustain an episode of depression.

If you ask how to start a successful business, then I will give you advice on that. If you ask how to stop being a loser, then I will suggest that you are not a loser and you have some depression. In that case, what helped me was getting a diagnosis, reading books on psychological disorders, understanding CBT, and mindfulness meditation/vipassana.

And if you are both depressed and wanting to start a successful business, I suggest that the best place to start is in learning how to deal with your illness.

> Suddenly the big problem in my life wasn't that I was such a loser, it was that I was inclined to think that I was such a loser

That sounds familiar. I had the same problem, and I know several others who have that problem too. None of them are losers, they just listen too much to their thoughts: "Every day, 95% of us have thoughts with depressive, anxious or obsessive content. So why isn't 95% of us mental patients? The explanation is simple: Everybody has crazy thoughts, but not everybody believes in them."[1] When fully realizing that, things change dramatically.

ACT has been very good to me. Let me recommend a book: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Happiness-Trap-Based-revolutionary-m...

[1] "Tankevirus" by Hanne H. Brorson (unfortunately only available in Norwegian.)

I read it as very self-reflective, but not in a bad way.

His slight self-degrading humour strikes a chord with me as a soon-to-be-30-year-old who is still an utter failure (by "millionaire by 23, billionaire by 28" standards).

Those are very destructive thought patterns. If you are not already depressed you will be soon if you keep thinking like that, and depression makes achieving your goals near impossible.

I agree I didn't take this as a severely depressed person. Just someone who wants to change. Kudos and good luck I say. Work hard, be good to people and good things will come.

Wish i could upvote this a million times. People in general and men in particular are very bad at realizing they're depressed and seeking help. Your friends and family should know though. Ask them if you can, or just go and see a doctor. Having untreated depression is both dangerous and a really awful way to have to live your life.

Adding the second line was a good edit, kudos on that.

Thanks for your concern, but I'm not depressed.

Ok. I believe you. You are also not approaching any sort of "last chance" for a tech career.

OK, as another posted put it well, that line was "too melodramatic". Apologies. I do admit that I'm a bit desperate.

Look, I can't tell if that funny bump on your neck is malignant and I can't tell if that 99.1F fever is worth going to a doctor about and I can't tell you if you should eat less gluten and I can't tell from a message board comment if you have a mental illness.

I don't care what you want to call it; "depression", "desperation", "determination". All I can tell you is that if you are convinced (not "worried"; we all worry sometimes) that you're a "loser" or that this is your "last chance" to do something meaningful, that's not normal. If you were a friend of mine, I'd be hassling you to find a professional you could trust to work that stuff out.

Hey, either way: best of luck to you. Your career will be fine.

I agree with tptacek (and others recommending CBT and ACT), examine the language you are using. The words you use may not spell "depression" but they are certainly in the vicinity that may lead you to it (I'm talking clinical depression). And this is all normal, but fixable. If you are not cognisant of the triggers that lead you to conclude on "yourself" as opposed to conclude on "stuff you did" (your works) you will continue to spiral into loser-mode and open the door marked "Depression". It'll only be a matter of time if you don't tackle this. And then, probably at 40, others will call it "mid-life" existential crisis. :-)

You are not your WORK (fuck pointers in C++)! Chances are that you're awesome at things you are refusing to acknowledge! Come here I'll give you a hug! (Then slap you!* ... because you're wasting time worrying about judging yourself instead of CREATING things and moving along!)

* Ok, I just slapped myself because I'm wasting time on HN! ;-P

If you aren't i'd be really surprised. At the very least your thought patterns are self-sabotaging and depression-inducing. There might be something else going on here too, that it would be good to check with a doctor about (bipolar?)

Your life isn't going to get back on track until you start thinking better about yourself. The reason you're so self-absorbed right now is because you're constantly beating yourself up; its a full-time job. Once you can have a little self-esteem and equanimity again, its going to be a lot easier to think of others and work projects and be able to achieve your goals.

At the very least go on vacation, or move; its easier to get out of ruts if you're somewhere new and different, for neurological reasons. Go somewhere new and remake yourself closer to the person you want to be.

If you do nothing besides trying the same thing you've tried dozens or hundreds of times before, that's what's really worrying and dangerous. :-(

As someone in a very similar situation to OP, and someone who is about to move to another country precisely for the reasons you cite, I can't agree with you more. Just deciding to move has made me a lot more motivated. Granted, I don't realy know what I'm going to find, but at least I'm fighting this thing head-on.

Good luck. I hope it will be a really positive thing for you. :-)

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