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Comment by webwright | Hacker News Reader

This is great protocol for all discussions/agreements. It's pretty hard for any relationship to break down if there's a shared understanding of expectations.

The re-statement/confirmation email is a great weapon against what time+memory do with reality, whether it's in the investment setting, with a partner, with an employee, or, heck, with a friend/spouse.

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I wouldn't expect most "handshake deals" with a friend/spouse to require that level of formality - unless money is changing hands.

Agreed with the "most" sentiment. But it is worthwhile for anything where a misunderstanding is possible and the consequences of a misunderstanding would be meaningful (to you).

When I was first dating the woman who became my wife, we decided to take a vacation together and split the expenses. We worked up a budget and did a pretty good job of sticking to it, until our car had a minor issue and we had some extra expenses (an extra meal at a restaurant, etc.) When we did the numbers at the end of the trip, it turned out that I overpaid by a bit, and she wrote me a check for that amount. When I cashed it a week later, she got very upset with me, because she forgot about it and already slated the money for something else. My response was "well, you gave me a check and I simply cashed it. I would have gladly paid for the extra stuff, if I knew that's what you wanted". Her issue was that something unexpected happened with her money.

Long story short, a quick text with "About to cash the vacation check you wrote" would have saved us a fight. OTOH, coming up on 10 years together, so I think it worked out OK.

I'm curious if something like this would happen today. With PayPal, Venmo, Interac E-mail Money Transfer, and other similar services, I would expect such a transfer (if the other person felt obligated to make one) would be nearly instantaneous.

PayPal for VC's? "OK, I'll invest in your company. Here's $5M!", "Gee, thanks!", meeting over.

I was referring to the specific case of having a significant other.

I think that the protocol as described makes a lot of sense, because paperwork. (Although I think Clerky was supposed to be trying to help out with that?)

> she wrote me a check for that amount. When I cashed it a week later, she got very upset with me, because she forgot about it and already slated the money for something else

You bastard! She forgot and you cashed it anyway! haha.

More or less her words, yes.

Money changes hands every time people marry.

Handshake deals are reliant on trust, which friends/spouses usually have in good supply. This protocol is attempting to add enough formality to lower the trust required somewhat (because people have been welching, so enough trust is not always available), without dropping it all the way to zero (which is what a traditional antagonistic/defensive contract is for).

Even more important, especially for men, is to have any woman you are dating express feelings for you via email or text (pictures not necessary). This goes quadruply true if you are dating them at the office.

Electronic records are the only way to avoid he said/she said. (Word is this is how Ellen Pao's case against Kleiner is going to unravel).

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