Is there something I'm suppose to be doing? | Hacker News Reader

Is there something I'm suppose to be doing?

7 pointsjaymorg14 comments

I am your average person. I'm of average intelligence, I'm average at my job (Software Engineer), I make average money, yadda yadda.

For the last ~3 years, I've never been content for more than a few months. It often manifests it's self in the form of my job situation. I get a new job, a couple months go by and I get tired of it. It's not limited to my job though. I have a constant habit of picking something, completely enveloping my self in it, and then within a few weeks to a month, the thought of it disgusts me.

I'm constantly searching for some type of business to create, but deep down I know I'm not a business person. I'm nervous to the point of physically shaking when put in confrontational situations.

I often feel like I need to channel my impulses into something that doesn't effect my life, like video games, or hobbies, but it never seems to last.

Is there something I'm suppose to be doing that I'm not? Or maybe I just have some horrible habits that have grown into monsters?

It's gotten to the point that I'm mentally exhausted with my erratic notions.

Decide to get your life together.

Start making some big changes, drop the bad habits and pickup beneficial ones. Stop being subject to your emotions and take control. If you want a broad goal you're going to have to do things during the interim that don't seem attractive. Learn to love that process.

1) Are you sure software is right for you? It seems like a lot of your unhappiness comes from your job...

2) If your unhappiness doesn't come from your job, are you satisfied with your personal life? Often when someone is unhappy with their personal life it spills over into their work life. Do you have friends, a significant other, and/or hobbies?

3) You might still consider pursuing entrepreneurship. A lot of entrepreneurs seem to have had difficulty being satisfied in a corporate environment. What do you mean by "confrontational situations?" Business usually does not consist of confrontational situations. In the tech world, people are actually very nice. When people in the tech and non-tech world say no to you, they will often do so by either 1) politely saying no, or 2) ignoring you, neither of which are confrontational. People are actually quite eager to help others out.

The only cases in which arguments get heated that I can think of are when you argue with people who work with/for you about a decision that you both hold strong opinions about. In this case, you avoid this by hiring/working with people who communicate very diplomatically. In any case, if you ever have a co-founder, typically your co-founder should be someone you've worked with before or are friends with, so that level of personal familiarity should alleviate things.

I find that if I get really into something really fast and spend loads of time doing it, I get sick of it fast. I've found that if I purposefully ramp into something slowly, and take breaks from it before I've had enough, then I don't get bored of it. I find this is particularly true with music; I have a rule that I never listen to the same song more than once a day, unless I'm showing it to someone else. There are a few songs I can't listen to because of over playing, but almost none since I was 17 when I established that rule.

EDIT reading that back it doesn't seem as relevant as I thought it would...

It's probably more relevant then you'd expect. I have a suspicion that the rush I get from doing something excessively has created a form of addiction. When that no longer provides the rush, because it's familiar and boring, I need a new fix. Rinse repeat for 10 years and I'm obsessed with finding the next idea to give me that rush.

Good News

You are completely normal, especially in the entrepreneurial world where folks get bored pretty often. Do whatever, but dont give up your search for the 'fit' I am sure you will find a way out.

Easy to say; hard to do...

Read about BPD, you might need consulting if you fit the profile and you feel like this is ruining your life. I felt like that and that's where I'm at right now.

Just out of interest, have you been diagnosed with anything else - Aspergers syndrome, depression or PTSD? If you'd rather not share any more publicly, understand entirely!

I haven't been diagnosed with anything "yet", I have trust issues with mental health professionals, I'm a high-functioning person. I perform above average under pressure (when starting a job for example) and once I get recognition from my boss and coworkers I lose all my motivation, like all my intellectual energy was focused on "impressing" others, I don't see any more challenge, I start finding all the flaws and imperfections in the systems and processes, I get annoyed by all the inefficiencies, I get bored (the "what am I doing wasting my time here" syndrome), then depressed, then I quit or change jobs. The good part is I've gotten raises faster than my peers from job hoping, demand is high in my field so I've never been out of work since 2005, having experience in different companies gives you a better over view of the industry, rubbing shoulders with people from different companies is good for networking, it's not all bad except I haven't found something that keeps my motivation going. One ingredient that's missing in my career is creativity, which I have tons to offer, but I'm locked in a high paying non-creative environment, while all the artist and creative people I know are broke. I feel like I'm selling my soul to the devil and that doesn't help my depression issues.

This is not a recommended solution, but an observation of my own life. I felt almost exactly how you did - till I had kids. They gave the job I was once excited about, now bored about, a new rich level of meaning -- bc it was allowing me to provide a better life for them. They gave me a reason to have long term goals there, and not throw in the towel as quickly as I might have otherwise.

I might feel the same way if I had kids, but I'm scared to death of having children before finding my true vocation. I think if I have kids and find myself "forced" to stay at a high-paying job I didn't like, I would be an unhappy slave. Perhaps the love for my kids would totally make-up for that, but that's how I think now that I don't have kids. I'm an idealist and I want to be in love at home as well as in love with what I do for living. I know I set the bar high. Right now I'm studying a lot about the Myer-Briggs personality types and I'm finding a lot of answers. Thanks for sharing your observation.

FYI, Aspergers syndrome will no longer be in the mental diagnostic manuel after this May

I could have written this myself! I wish I had some answers for you...

You sound pretty normal except you have confrontational anxiety.

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