Comment by jbrooksuk | Hacker News Reader

Comment by jbrooksuk | Hacker News Reader

I can relate to this website and cause. I was bullied throughout my entire high school life, in the UK that's a total of 5 years. I hated every single second of it and my academic skills reflect this. I wasn't a troubled kid, I wasn't someone who looked to cause trouble and I wasn't in trouble except a couple of occasions. I found myself being physically beaten almost every day for being the runt of the kids.

I didn't hit puberty till I was 16/17, I was about 5ft 4" during high school and now I'm 6t 2" at 21. I was your typical victim, glasses, braces, good at computers. None of it helped me. If I wasn't being beaten I was being called names, and as much as the phrase "sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me" is thrown around, it's not true.

Honestly, I thought about committing suicide time and time again. The teachers all but provoked the bullies and my parents - who know better now - assumed the teachers would deal wit it. They didn't. Eventually I gave up mentioning it to be people. I was pushed down stairs, burnt with glue guns, you name it.

On one occasion, I was beaten in class, my teacher turned around, saw what happened and looked away. She knew full well what happened.

Eventually I dealt with it myself, I beat the crap out of the main bully. I wasn't proud of it, but I sorted it myself. It was that moment my life changed, the last month of school - yes, it took me that long to sort - was completely different for me, I had a couple of friends. I happened to muse the other day on Twitter that if I could do one thing differently, it'd be school. I'd sort my problems on day one.

These days however I've achieved quite a lot, I'm proud of what I've done with my life and in some ways grateful for the bullying. It pushed me to better myself, I pursued computing, I'm now Lead Developer for a travel company. I have plans for a startup. I'm engaged. Life is awesome.

I donate to Beat Bullying each year, this looks like a great project.

It's odd, people always say things like "violence doesn't solve anything" but I've heard so many stories like yours where the bullying only stops when the victim retaliates with force.

While I've personally never been on either end of bullying, what I've heard leads me to believe that for extreme physical bullying, getting violent can be the solution.

Violence is the last resort of the incompetent, the competent use it sooner.

You've it the nail right on the head there. Unfortunately "forced" violence seems to solve many situations.

I wouldn't fight for the sake of fighting. When I used to go clubbing there were a couple of instances where some drunken guys would kick off on me, I attempt not to fight every time, it's hard to talk a drunken mess out of a fight, but if an attack is thrown at me I'll fight back, solely to knock them down in defense and walk off.

I forgot to mention I started following Ju-Jitsu so that if I was thrown somewhere I could land safely. I now use it to defend myself or friends if we find ourselves in a situation like that. It's happened only a couple of times thankfully.

Carefully applied violence is often useful and even socially accepted. It's both sad and interesting.

Though common amongst much of the animal kingdom.

A lot of the mechanisms we have in society are designed to contain or counteract our animalistic behavior, but not all kids are raised well enough or are mature enough to behave and physical correction can work wonders to break errant behavior.

At age 9 people used to take my stuff and occasionally bully me in a sort of low-grade way. Until I beat the tar out of the main offender. You get a reputation as the smart/nerdy guy that once smashed the jock's head into a wall and nobody really bothers you again.

Bullying should absolutely be stopped by other means, but when it comes down to it these are animal level dominance games amongst young apes and violence does often solve them. I'm not saying it should, but it does.

If/when I have kids they'll be told to defend themselves and that their parents will back them up even if the school doesn't.

One of my fears about telling kids to defend themselves with force is what if the bully has a gang of friends? An older brother? Access to a weapon? How likely is it that a bully, finally beaten by the victim, escalates further?

I have no idea, that would be a study for a psychologist.

I just know that people tend to stop bothering you if you show them you aren't a pushover. You don't have to beat them into the dirt, you just have to hit back.

That would depend on what school you go to. Inner city slum? Move.

As a kid, figured out that by myself. In elementary school I was the typical victim. The words did not hurt me as the random people I don't care about are just that. Their opinion does not matter. However, that changed the moment it degenerated to physical violence. The problem fixed itself after punching the bully right in the nose the second time he tried the same treatment. That changed the parameters for the whole story. Went through the high school years almost without any physical violence. And by almost any I mean: got sucker punched in the 10th grade. Responded with a hook. That was an instant "calm the fuck down" for the aggressor. That was the last time I punched somebody.

To add fire to this, you don't even need to cause actual hurt. When I snapped at bullys, my attack was largely ineffective in causing actual hurt to him. He easily blocked and dodged my rage infused punches and kicks until I had tired myself out. But it was overwhelmingly effective in stopping the bullying.

I was also bullied until the bully got an ass kicking. For all the bullying he did, he was surprisingly easy to beat up, or maybe he didn't think I was going to punch him.

He actually avoided me afterwards.

> my teacher turned around, saw what happened and turned away.

I want to hope that we'll reach some point where this won't happen anymore.

Likewise. I remember being backed against a wall, lads a lot bigger around me. I was lifted up the wall punched in the stomach, looked up and saw the teacher almost with fear in her face, too scared to stand up for a student.

Not all of my teachers were like that thankfully, but that is the root of the problem. Teachers are too scared to deal with incidents like mine.

Can they? At least in the UK you get the stupid "child rights/abuse" nonsense as soon as they try any sort of disciplinary action... Ant the bullies well aware of this situation.

Yes, they can, and the teacher can also get into trouble for not defending children too. Some bullies when they are 15 can be terrifying which is I think the real reason teachers don't confront them. The bullies aren't criminal masterminds and legal experts, they just claim foul on all discipline.

I think you're right on both points: yes, teachers can apply reasonable force [1], but as you said, teachers might not actually be physically able to restrain them without a risk.

[1] https://www.education.gov.uk/publications/eOrderingDownload/...

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