It sounds like PHP is to the teens what BASIC was to the 1960s.

From BASIC Considered Harmful, by Edsger Dijkstra:

"It is practically impossible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration."

This isn't meant to disparage the author of the linked article, who I suspect will recover from PHP -- in due time.