The Saddest Map In America | Hacker News Reader

The Saddest Map In America

dish.andrewsullivan.com

121 pointsdkuebric98 comments

I never understood the concept of missed connections on craigslist. Honestly, what's the chance of two people meeting each other, forgetting to swap numbers, and then both going onto craigslist to search/post in the missed connections category?

It just seems like such an overwhelming statistical improbability that such a missed connection would ever be fulfilled through craigslist, I don't see why anyone would even bother posting.

I posted a missed connection once, and about 2 hours later got a reply from a person who was in the exact same circumstances (ie same time, same place, same details about furtive glances) - but she was looking at some other dude who was there and thought I was him. At the same time, I actually wasn't looking at her, but at another girl who was at the same event.

So it fizzled cause we weren't looking for, but looking "past" each other.

Moments of extreme awkwardness after flirting madly mutually verifying locational/timing/happenstance details followed by absolutely wrong physical descriptions of each other. Yah that conversation dried up fast.

I suppose it could have been a romantic start to some kinda relationship, but that ship sunk before it even had a chance.

You absolutely should have gone on a date. Think of it this way, if by some chance it worked out you'd probably have the best "how we met" story of your entire social circle.

I feel that having a good “how we met” story is a big boost for a potential relationship. At least early on, when you have nothing else to go on. It says, “the odds of this meeting were low; this isn't a thing that happens every day, therefore it's more valuable”.

One time my sister-in-law met a guy at a bar and it was one of those movie conversations where they liked the same obscure writers and comedy and whatever. They parted coolly and casually, but the next day they reconnected through Craigslist. So it's happened at least once.

haha, I was just thinking that. Every romance movie where people in a huge city lose track of each other has to ignore the existence of that city's craigslist “missed connections” page. That is, if both parties felt that way about it.

The internet has demolished the basic template for a whole sub-genre of romance movies.

if only romeo and juliet had cell phones.

I don't know about missed connections, but I lost my car/house /bike lock keys in Boston while riding my bike to work (somewhere between the end of the bike path and The Garden)

I didn't realize I had lost my keys until after I locked my bike up, so it was a particularly bad after-work-surprise.

Anyways, after a few days of looking all over my house/work for them, my girlfriend suggested I check CraigsList's Lost+Found ... I told her she was crazy. What are the changes that (a) someone found my keys and then (b) that they would post that they found them on CraigsList and (c) I would be able to identify them from their post.

Well, a nice, older gentleman from Southy found my keys at a bus stop (that wasn't even close to anywhere I rode my bike) and had his daughter post about it on Craigslist.

So I can at least say that CraigsList's Lost+Found worked at least 1 time in the history of the universe... so maybe a Missed Connection has a chance too?

I lost my car keys and found them on Craigslist once too. When I showed up to get them, the guy told me this story about how he started up an affair with the woman in the house next door after returning her lost keys to her. I am a guy, so I am pretty sure he wasn't trying to get fresh with me.

"Missed connections" plays to a romantic mindset that doesn't consider things like probability and statistics in everyday life. I'd say more people have this mindset than the one you're expressing.

Specifically, it's trading away consciousness of probability in favor of a sense of agency. We all do that a little bit from time to time.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agency_(philosophy)

I met my husband on craigslist missed connections. Back in 2007.

Spill the beans! Tell us more. This is pretty intriguing.

This finally motivated me to write up about it :)

http://drippurple.com/

Awesome! But did you ever found out why and what came of his "bouquet of flowers" in the original meeting? :)

I did.

The date he had been setup on showed up about 5 minutes after my coworkers and I moved on to the next restaurant (edit: bar, this is Wisconsin after-all), R and his date went inside to eat, which is why S could not find him.

R told me on our first date that you'll never know how difficult it is to go on a date with someone while you're thinking about someone else :)

I had a missed connection happen for me. It was actually my buddy who checked missed connections regularly and realized one of them was in reference to me. It was at a halloween party and my costume and the general location was described in detail, including what we talked about. Pretty crazy.

the concept comes from newspapers in low population areas. it wasn't really invented by the internet.

you should go read the wiki page for 'missed connections' though, it's somewhat enlightening.

I don't see what's so improbable about it. If I found a set of keys or some personal property on the street with no identifying information craigslist is the first place I'd go, and so would most other people in an urban area. Sure, the probability that both parties felt a romantic attraction and still feel it a day later is fairly low, but if that is the case then CL would be the obvious first place to look.

Oddly enough I ended up dating someone through that. A friend saw the post and thought it may have been me they were talking about. I thought I'd shoot a reply and lo and behold, it was. It went fairly well for awhile, had very similar interests and got along great. We had different goals in life though and were at different stages. Still, an interesting experience.

Probably for the same reason people play the lottery. The odds are against you, but the reward is worth that little bit of effort.

>>but the reward is worth that little bit of effort.

Is it? I would guess that in the vast majority of cases where the two people actually re-connected, it led to a date or two and that's it.

How is that not worth it?

Wait. I thought you would be disputing the other thing, i.e., that the lottery is worth playing.

Yeah, jeez you would have to leave your basement and go out with a lady, I agree, HORRIBLE, TERRIBLE

I think the same thing, and yet after asking around - and as you can see from the comments here - it happens far more often than you would expect.

It's amazing to me that this is not a futile exercise. Regardless, even if it were, it serves a healing purpose for the poster. Putting an attachment like this out there in the universe can be a big release, regardless of the outcome. People often write love poems without the intent to send them. Same idea.

It feels like a byproduct of some sort of a Hollywood-manufactured misconception about love at first sight.

Why is this sad? Because Walmart is the most cited location?

Seems great to me. People are reaching out. Would be more depressing if they just decided to not do anything about it.

Plus this only has relevance to craigslist users. Seems like a fun conversation piece but certainly isn't the anything-est anything in America.

I think the "saddest" headline is a little tongue-in-cheek and refers to the fact that they're missed connections, so it's a case of people getting "this close" to finding love, but having it elude them.

I would have said "confusing" over "sad". RI with "parking lots" is odd, but topped by IN "at home". How do you have a missed connection at home? Your house that big?

I just spent a few minutes looking through the Indianapolis missed connections. It seems that a lot of them aren't "missed connections" in the sense that I would expect, but rather, "I'm tired of walking into an empty home," "When I was with you I felt at home," or "Please come home."

This is my first foray into the craigslist missed connections section, so maybe this is standard, but it seemed to me that they were more abstract and musing than "I saw you at Walmart and loved your neck tattoo."

It is, in some ways, a sign of where we are now most likely to see people we don’t know in various parts of the country.

One could say the places listed are sad. "What ever happened to <insert social setting>?". You could take it as evidence that we are becoming less social, and withdrawing into our own shells.

It’s also a sign of male loneliness or romance: men seeking to find a possible love-mate outnumber women 86 – 14.

How is this not sad?

>>It’s also a sign of male loneliness or romance: men seeking to find a possible love-mate outnumber women 86 – 14.

>How is this not sad?

That's probably more a side effect of socialization that teaches men to take the active role.

Or, the result of Feminism, which teaches women to take the active role.

Feminism doesn't teach women to take the active role. It teaches them to hate men.

To be clear, I think women should be treated equally under the law. I'm a big supporter of natural rights. Feminists are not big supporters of natural rights. They are generally leftists, and the truly intellectually dedicated members are generally far leftists.

Yup, no way that that comment would ever start a flame war. Anyway, I might as well get us kicking off. So, how exactly does feminism teach people to hate men?

Feminists are generally leftist and the more intellectual the more progressive/far left, generally speaking.

However I know some women that are intellectually dedicated feminists and they don't hate men. They love men. They hate the patriarchy.

There is no patriarchy. This is a good example of the reality distortion that happens in feminism.

Yes, women may have a slightly harder time rising in a company. Just like who is less attractive, or less good at socializing, or isn't a fan of the same sports team as others in the company.

Take it to Reddit, dude.

Lots of people that meet in more traditional settings probably go far enough to either exchange info or not bother.

There's also the part where they only used 100 listing from each state. That's a few days worth, enough to be pretty sensitive to the day of the week that the data was gathered.

I think the sad refers to people how tried to find someone through craigslist.

Yeah--so much worse than selling their personal info and preferences to advertisers on a dating website or social network. They should feel ashamed. :|

Indiana's most cited location for a missed connection is "at home." How does that make sense?

I'm hoping they are frugal and have parties with non-family members at their homes. Maybe a barbecue where neighbours invite their friends... and they invite friends of friends...

As someone who lives in Indiana, this is probably it. Big gatherings usually end up with a few people that the host doesn't know (of course, that's true most places).

The "at home" location is the location of the person when they submitted the missed connection form. For example, my location is "at home" as I type this.

No, it says it's the "location where the missed connection occurred."

Deliveries, solicitors, repair people, friends of neighbors, passers-by out for a walk/jog/ride, etc.

I read it initially as symbolic - feeling estranged in a relationship, so it feels even at home like ships passing in the night. But, I think the other explanations here are more likely :)

Yeah I was confused by this too.

People in Indiana, do you have a lot of strangers over for parties or something?

Perhaps a roommate that is in love with the other?

There's a serious selection bias in this study; it also requires that the person thinks the object of their fascination is likely to check Craigslist. So,... yeah.

I'll take a crack at explaining the Colorado label.

People here leave the Denver/Boulder area and head west into the mountains every weekend. The Sunday afternoon drive back is a miserable jam.

Some of those mountain destinations are a pretty far drive, so if you're one of those who came here for the skiing, climbing and mountain biking (and judging by dating sites, most people here are) then you're making some stops for fuel and caffeine in some mountain town, wearing your ski outfit or bike shorts.

If that's the explanation, I don't know why the label wouldn't be “trail” though.

>> If that's the explanation, I don't know why the label wouldn't be “trail” though.

Probably because there are many ways to say it eg. "ski trail", "ski mountain", "ski run", "on the slopes", "chairlift" etc. whereas a gas station is just a gas station. Also, it's pretty hard to have a "missed connection" on a ski trail, seeing as how both parties tend to be in motion and ski goggles obscure eye contact :)

Fair enough. I was thinking of all the times I've passed attractive people on hiking trails. People going downhill yield to people going uphill. Sometimes you stop and chat, ask about directions, the weather. I could easily see people wishing they'd gotten a number on occasions like that.

Pennsylvania's "convenience store" label should just say Wawa. That's half the missed connections posts in Philadelphia.

That would exclude the Sheetz half of the state. Presumably the map combined Wawa, Sheetz, and the odd central PA Unimart into one.

I was just shocked that Nevada wasn't "Playa". Seriously, the missed connections post-Burning Man are amazing.

"You were wearing a flamethrower with bright pink hair and green blinking boots while you were riding on top of the bus made to look like a disco elephant..."

Proud to live in South Carolina.

Mama said I could find a nice girl at church, so I tried a bigger stretch of holy ground.

What I don't get is the states where it's at a bar. I can understand how it's weird to talk to people in some of those other places but a bar is an explicitly social environment. If people didn't want to talk to others, they'd be drinking at home for far less money. As cliche as it is, "hey, can I buy you a drink" still works as an ice breaker.

Bars per capita -- http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_7wbbZeG9jwI/S1uUPYQCImI/AAAAAAAAAF...

'Missed connections' isn't just "made eyes but didn't speak", but also "spoke but didn't get to contact details". So in bars, perhaps a failure of persistence/crowds/group-dynamics rather than ice-breaking.

Seems like a pretty small sample size - only 100 per state? I'm not familiar with how Craigslist works for this, but is there any reason why you couldn't select thousands and get better results (look for common words, rank them, etc). Seems like the variation would be pretty high...

How is "the car" Georgia's most common missed connection? Hitchhikers? I can't think of anything else.

Stopped traffic. A couple of decades ago, the only road from Silicon Valley to Skyline in the hills was blocked by construction equipment repairing a washout. My wife got out and walked up the line to see what was going on. She started talking to a man standing there. Turns out he was a freelance developer and my wife said, "My son knows how to program.", which lead to his firs job as a programmer in high school. In this case a connection made in stopped traffic.

Ha, I was hoping that the freelance developer was you :)

No. The freelancer was Jim Normile in between stints at Apple.

Pure romance

https://www.google.com/search?tbm=isch&q=atlanta+traffic...

Atlanta traffic.

Is that seriously it? Like people looking out the window? I spent 4 years in LA traffic and have never heard of that. It's definitely plausible though, now that I think of it.

Lived there for a decade, and recall a time that we literally turned off our cars and met random people in the jam. I think it was during the trend of people jumping off of overpasses. There's also the random attractive person that cuts you off, flips the bird, etc. you just can't get out of your mind.

I knew a guy who met his wife at a stop light.

I got punched by a guy at a stop light in Atlanta. Practically the same thing.

Context: I yelled at him for trying to turn left at the wrong time. He caught up to me a couple lights later, walked down the median and popped me through my open window, then ran away. I hadn't said anything bad, just "I have a green light," but I think he misinterpreted my pointing.

Someone's never been to Atlanta, I see.

And "at home" in Indiana?

Here is a higher resolution image: http://www.psychologytoday.com/files/slideshow/2013/02/11869...

"You prefer 91 octane for your car as well? Nice"

Yeeaaah Colorado. I'm actually kinda confused about that. It's not like have have that many more gas stations than other people or anything, right?

Dammit, Indiana, there you go making me cringe in the news again. At home? What does that even mean?

Couple examples I could think of:

"I saw your at home. You were walking down the street talking to your friend in the pink shirt on Sunday by the intersection of Oak & Grove."

"Me: In my garden working on my herbs. You: In the red SUV listening to Lady Gaga with the windows down. We made eye contact."

"Saw you, cute redhead, at your home. Peeping in your window."

Why do they say "California is an actual self-parody"?

I'd much prefer to meet someone at 24 Hour Fitness than Wal*mart...

That is a depressing depressing map.

Rhode Island always keeps it classy. Though I'm honestly surprised it wasn't Dunkin Donuts.

This is Reddit Material, sad to see it Making Page 1 on HN :(

Borderline. It is derived from data, the data is suggestive, and given the number of comments from HN regulars, interesting enough.

It could even lead to some "hacking"!

Anyway, its a Friday in most of the world by now... :)

Chicago's keeping it classy with "TRAIN".

For Chicago, I'd expect "at the crime scene" to be more common.

Chicago is behind the following in terms of murder/manslaughter per capita:

New Orleans, Detroit, Newark, Baltimore, Oakland, Kansas City, Philadelphia, Atlanta, Cincinnati, Stockton, Cleveland, Memphis, DC, and Miami (in that order, from most deaths/capita to least) [0].

You were saying?

[0]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_cities_by_crime_...

The fact that other cities have a worse crime rate does not make Chicago's crime rate okay.

Pretty sure it was a joke anyway, for some reason Chicago has replaced Detroit in "you'll get shot" references.

I was saying Chicago's a hellhole, just like all those other hellholes you listed--it's just that the GP mentioned Chicago particularly.

Staying safe in that suburb somewhere?

That's probably Detroit.

Next, we should see a map with the worst traffic. Who funds these studies? Are they really necessary? Especially with the bias towards craigslist users?

The study was done by Dorothy Gambrell, who I know better as the author of the Cat and Girl webcomic, and published in Psychology Today, a popular magazine. I doubt there was any funding other than whatever Psychology Today paid her for the piece.

This is only sad for 3 reasons:

1) Somebody spent the time, effort and likely funding to do an aggregate study of a craigslist Missed Encounters board.

2) This foolishly unrepresentative sample of the american populace is being referred to as a "scholarly study".

3) The author of this article is using this to make broad generalizations about the american social atmosphere based on the aforementioned unrepresentative sample.

I suppose i should sit back and watch this silliness get plastered around facebook ad nauseum as people who don't know anyone who knew craigslist has a "missed encounters" page talk about the facts of their states' social climate.

Yes, I agree, you should stay on Facebook and do whatever.

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