Ask HN: Relationships/Side projects balance tips? | Hacker News Reader

Ask HN: Relationships/Side projects balance tips?

14 pointstheboywho5 comments

Hi HN !

I am in the middle of moving in to live with the GF after 1 year of seeing each other. Things are doing great (Or maybe I am just hypnotized).

The lonely me thinks it will be a great situation. We'll get to go see places. Do stuff together. Explore the world. It's all I have ever wished for; spend time with someone I deeply love.

But the Hacker me thinks it's gonna take his breath away. The Hacker me enjoys the silent evenings. The Hacker me have learned to enjoy being alone. The Hacker me keeps asking himself: "how am I gonna get in the zone ?" "How am I gonna get stuff done ?", etc.

So I figured out lot of people here are for sure successful in their relationships; are happy parents or darn good lovers, all while their github profile is full of activity. New articles always showing in their blogs, etc.

So do you guys have a secret ? Like, how do manage to get in the zone all while not making your significant other feel ignored ?

How do you manage to do it ?

Thanks in advance for your answer.

You'll still need/want some alone time, each to yourselves. Sometimes it comes naturally due to schedules. For example, before we had our little guy, my wife was a teacher. So she'd go to bed at 10 or so, and I'd work on stuff from 10-midnight.

I'd talk to your significant other and be honest with each other.

Talk to your GF about it. The best part of living with someone, is you don't have to give them your attention every second you're together. If you need time to spend on your interests, surely she does too?

Try to schedule some guilt free time so each of you can do something you enjoy. Just make sure you respect that schedule that you've agreed to, otherwise you'll find yourself with all the free time in the world and no one to share it with.

Communication. Communication. Constructive Communication! Best advice for relationship! Talk to your girlfriend about your concern.

Set some time that you are working on your own thing. That might mean staying up 2-3 hours after your mate has went to bed. See if you get get up 2-3 hours before her. Use the "real" time for real life stuff. Work around it. I've done it for years and launched several successful products while maintaining a happy life of a husband and father of 2.

Guess what? The hacker you and the you that love your GF are the same person.

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