Don’t Waste Your Twenties
artofmanliness.com
Part 2: http://artofmanliness.com/2013/02/05/dont-waste-your-20s-train-your-brain-for-lasting-success/
artofmanliness.com
As if not "wasting" your 20s (whatever that means) would somehow improve your odds to become the next Einstein.
If you happen to be the next Einstein then I firmly doubt reading baseless self-improvement drivel makes a difference towards realizing or not realizing your potential.
Thanks. My quote of the day!
My quote of the day too!
GEORGE: They always make me take stock of my life. And how I’ve pretty much wasted all of it, and how I plan to continue wasting it.
JERRY: I know, and then you say to yourself, “From this moment on, I’m not gonna waste any more of it.” But then you go, “How? What can I do that’s not wasting it?”
ELAINE: Is this a waste of time? What should we be doing? Can’t you have coffee with people?
It was fun at the time, but not really fun to reminisce on (unlike partying, which I don't regret). If I could say two things to my younger self, 'ditch video games and do something with more value' would be the second.
Programming is tough. If you lack the patience and the passion and the resources, you aren't going to learn programming, no matter how many self-improvement articles you may read.
I tried hard to learn programming since I was 12 years old. This was in 95 and I didn't have an accessible Internet connection or books and Linux was awful back then so I was working with QBasic and a pirated Turbo Pascal and 1 or 2 shitty books. I was also not ready for it, as I was lacking the necessary knowledge or the patience for doing things bigger than bubble-sort and hello-world. Only in high-school I managed to get more serious about it, but even then I lacked the resources and good teachers and I also had lots of other problems on my mind, as any other teenager.
Of course, for you playing video games was probably a waist of time, but if you wouldn't have had played those games than you have no idea how you would have filled that surplus of time.
And really, where's the rush?
I admire 12 year-olds that hack on stuff, but they do so because that makes them happy and because we live in a different age. Not because they are rushing to get somewhere.
I fucking hate this trait of western culture.
Don't worry about finding your true calling, just get good at something which few other people are good at (skills in low supply - so not video games, sports, etc). Get good by doing "deep work", not just superficial exposure. This Ira Glass quote spoke directly to me: "I feel like your problem is that you're trying to judge all things in the abstract before you do them. That's your tragic mistake."
Doing "something with value" requires (valuable, low supply) skills ("skills trump passion". skills also trump courage, as in the "all it takes is courage to follow your dreams" message of courage culture from which comes the OP article). Developing skills requires deep work. The deep approach is to narrow the focus from "be good at math" or "be good at programming", or even "understand functional programming". This is the broad/abstract approach I've had in the past, which, in retrospect at the ripe old age of 28, has not worked super well.
New plan is to hone a craft by choosing to work intensely with "this particular design pattern" or "this particular javascript library" (looking at you d3). Most importantly, to get good at building stuff by building stuff (craftsman mindset). Get good first, because you won't become passionate about something you're not good at.
May I ask if you've always been a developer and this was limited to languages / paradigms or was this am I a DBA/Systems Analyst/Dev or perhaps even wider?
In college, my major was math and biochem (with an eye toward computational biology or computational chemistry). So no, I haven't always been a developer, my interests were very wide: everything from systems biology to quantum mechanics. So wide that I ultimately dropped out at the start of my senior year, rather than choose some specialty for graduate school. I don't regret that, since at least I have a couple friends who did go on to different grad programs (physical chemistry, molecular biology) and I still appreciate the independence and freedom that comes with dropping out.
Anyway, I always wanted to be more of a big picture / theoretical guy and sort of poo-poohed programming. I thought it was more important to have deep understanding of mathematical formulas and creative theoretical research ideas (the passion). But I've come to appreciate that implementing such formulas/ideas as code (the skills) is much harder than I imagined (as is any type of coding), and also the best way to gain a deep understanding.
So that's how I came back to programming in the past few years, which I always treated rather casually growing up (started with some visual basic in my early teens).
How did you end up in banking support work? Maybe thought it was an avenue to wall street quant/HFT work (wild guess)? In Cal Newport's book he does say there are certain jobs where the best option is to leave, eg when there's little opportunity for growth and learning (building "career capital"). But his overall point is to stop chasing a passion by looking for an expected dream job right out of college. Instead, develop it over time by earning and leveraging/parlaying career capital. Going through the motions, gaining experience, and developing valuable skills through hard work. You should check it out (I finally found a pdf online only the other day), sounds like it will be worth your read.
That's not going to be true for everyone though.
When are you the prettiest, the strongest, the wildest? Enjoy yourself in your twenties. Isn't that what life is really all about?
Sex, drugs, and rock n roll. Friends. Your tribe. You can recover in your thirties and get serious, work long hours, enjoy your children, and watch the wrinkles on your face grow.
Barf. There's a lot more to life and human flourishing than just making yourself happy.
Genius does what genius knows will make him/her happy[1].
That's it. Simple as that.
___
[1] Of course we know and appreciate the difficulty of defining that. Or that we've appreciated that happiness is probably only "achievable" obliquely. Or that happiness isn't what we are after ... after all, and that it's meaningfulness that we seek. Or that even after searching for meaning we come to the absurd conclusion that our existence is devoid of any meaning! Doesn't matter really, just be happy. FFS.
But I think a strategic view of "what big choices in life will contribute to long term happiness?" is a still good thing to consider.
I think if a person's "happiness every day" is "smoke crack and gamble in search of a short-lived rush", he needs to reevaluate, because that won't serve long term happiness.
OTOH, if a person's "happiness every day" is "do yoga, spend time with family, and work reasonable hours at a job he enjoys", then that's a good idea.
Ideally, the short term and the long term are reasonably aligned, otherwise you get problems.
Personally, I aim to enjoy life and ensure that any children I have can do the same. I'm not sure if I'd see a point if there wasn't happiness in it for me. Fundamentally, we're fairly insignificant. Your interpretation of life is all you have. Why not be happy?
Someone presents an opinion and you have someone else who presents his opinion and that is how we start a discussion.
"I work hard to enjoy my twenties"
"I discipline myself to enjoy my twenties"
"Or I do something else that others have came up how to enjoy my twenties"
Phase I, 21-30: "Work hard/Play hard" mode, socking away retirement savings, building skills & reputation to prepare for Phase II, nights & weekends packed with climbing trips and going out. "I think I can get a full night sleep the weekend after next".
Phase II, 30-40: "Semi-retired nomad" mode, working short (~3mo) contracts about once a year, logging several laps around the world & entire seasons spent chilling at some of the best climbing areas anywhere. Building SaaS products from the beach to finance Phase III.
Phase III, 40-: "Comfortable family guy" mode, working remotely from a little village in the countryside south of Paris with some of the best bouldering in the world, playing with the kid in the garden, and doing "vacations" involving actually booking hotel rooms and not forcing myself to live on $15/day when on the road.
I think according to the article, I was supposed to swap out the "work for employers" part of Phase I for the "build products" part of Phase II. But I'm not sure where Phase II would have come in, had I done that. It's tough.
I guess the best a fella can do is pay attention to one's life and try to at least have a plan. Had you asked 25 year old Jason what his plan was, he would have described something remarkably similar to the above. Except that Phase III might have involved a 19 year old Swedish girl and happened in his sixties:)
Phase I, 18-29. "Work, train (athletics), travel, and save money." Started working at 18. Never settled down anywhere, after 21 I started saving money. Also building contacts that will carry me into phase II.
Phase II, 29-34 (now). "Husband/father/freelancer/student/athlete/coach". Pursuing studies in Math (my passion) getting ready for Grad school (2014). Funding it with Phase I and working part-time from home. Lots of family time and staying in good shape. Keeping a consistent routine (something I never did in Phase I).
Phase III. Probably starts around 35 next year: Math PhD? Post-doc, etc. Nothing set in stone. But without Phase I in my 20s the way it was I wouldn't be in the position to do this now.
I think I was supposed to be a student first, then start a career. Not the other way around.
It's also quite unlikely that they summarized the entirety of their lives in ~6 sentences. Nuances and changes of plans aren't mentioned. These summaries are in retrospect. The plans are plans, and subject to change.
I think it just so happens that when you look at comfortable people's lives from 30,000 feet, they look similar. "I was young, did a bunch of fun stuff, thought about the future", then "I started a family, or got less risky", then "I know what I want to achieve next".
Mind if I ask where this beautiful bouldering near Paris is? Are you referring to Fontainebleau? I've really been meaning to take advantage of being in Europe and heading down there but haven't had the chance to yet. Perhaps this summer.
Property in France is amazingly cheap if your only other point of reference is Southern California.
Always be resilient... Ask any "old" person, eventually, you're gonna crash and burn even if you think you're conservative. What really separates the winners from the losers is how you react when at the bottom, not when peaking or at the top...
Another thing worth considering is living in the world, not in a plan, although goals are OK. A plan is nice, but as an engineer I assure you that physical reality follows its laws, not your plan, and you'd best get used to living in the world instead of in a plan. Not that planning as an abstract concept is always a waste of time, it just usually is. Goals are good and are not detailed plans. A goal is something like meet the ideal spouse and live happily with them. A plan has ridiculous metrics and set pointless scheduled firm dates, like meet spouse at exactly age 26, married by 28, squirt out precisely 2.1 kids by 32, etc. Plans are doomed to failure and unhappiness, goals on the other hand are OK.
Finally a really good piece of advice is broaden your horizons and question your definitions, especially if the definitions don't benefit you and come from people making a profit off you. "Kids" think the definition of socializing is staying up all night drinking until you vomit and make a fool of yourself then miss work the next day. Therefore the 20s are when you should socialize. Uh, no, you need a new definition of socialize and you should be doin it all your life not just 20s or until your liver gives out. I was ignorant too, and I survived and improved since, so don't feel bad if you have to do the same.
At Age 20: I was partying like a madman, it was awesome
At Age 21: Graduated, seeing a great girl, making a little money, enjoying city life
At Age 22: Still having fun, meeting and sleeping with new people
At Age 23: Yup. Same.
At Age 24: New girl, same awesome life
At Age 25: Lots of international travel this year. More great friends made Fun!
At Age 26: More of the same.
You'll never make me regret not taking life seriously, and channelling my awesome early-20s brain-power into socialising and enjoying myself.
tl;dr - sex, drugs and rock'n'roll
Do you have any pointers for us early-twentysomethings? I've just turned 23 and while I'm having fun in the city, enjoying the world of work, it doesn't sound quite as interesting as the same part of your life. How did you meet new friends, expand your social network, sleep with new people, and enjoy the metropolis? I've found the transition from university to work has made all of the above more difficult.
If you're not the social type, don't worry about having lots of friends. For me, there's probably around 10 people that I consider friends and that's plenty. Just find something you like and find some other people who like doing it.
Once you're on the inside of something like that then the barriers to meeting new people within the scene are significantly reduced, though obviously you're perceived to have put up barriers to everyone else to a greater or lesser extent. Also it turns out a lot of goths are software engineers...
I guess what I'm saying is if you have a thing (be it goth, learning the ukelele, mountain climbing, whatever) don't be afraid to embrace the thing, and don't let the day job take over your whole life :)
--edit-- Also, just do stuff. Take a risk, meet people off the internet. I organised a couple of 'fark' meetups in London back then, and even have a couple of pretty good IRL friends met through some much shadier sites.
Thanks for the advice! If you're ever in London, let me buy you a beer.
iMessage or email: nquo at iCloud dot com
Which, incidentally, I don't advise putting off for quite as long as I have, there's a balance somewhere and I think I might have overshot, but I did have an awesome decade.
Of course, we say such things to comfort ourselves now. Advice is wasted on youth.
... and the more biased toward short-term returns you are, because you're young.
Life's a bitch that way :)
To me an over-emphasis on 'investing' during this period is the real waste.
However there is a thin thread of causality that leads me to the life I lead now. It's pretty good and I think it will get better.
Also: The Art of Manliness is played-out schtick.
Manhood doesn't come from reading about manhood on a website whose incentives are skewed to making you read more.
While I'm still early in my 20s this is what I've realized as well. I spent much of 2011 battling depression. That year sucked and I used to wish I hadn't had to go through it and that the events which led to it hadn't happened.
Then I realized if that wish came true, I wouldn't have the friends I have today, I wouldn't have had the experiences I had in 2012 and I wouldn't be where I am right now. There's no way to see that line of causality until it's said and done.
Life is strange that way.
But if you look back there are lots of things you've done. They might not be as crazy, exciting or important as some people manage. But the truth is your probably ahead of the curve; very few people achieve truly extraordinary things.
I've travelled, met amazing people, started my own business, fallen in and out of love. I could have maybe done more of all these things, but it's hard to regret them.
Don't waste any decades of your life. But also, don't think about your life experience so far as wasted. That's silly.
If you don't have regrets you must be one of those alpha males I hear so much about.
At the age the people mentioned in this article were busy starting businesses and winning nobel prizes, I was busy discovering my personality, improving my soft skills, getting over myself little ridiculous situations that had always made me nervous, and developing a small set of real, true friendships. Is the result measurable on my CV? Surely not. Did I spend a significant amount of time in bars or hung over? Definitely. Were my twenties wasted? I can't see how.
The Seasons of a Man's Life (http://refer.ly/a4hO) is the work of a few researchers. They were frustrated that most work in psychology studied childhood development in depth, but little research was done into development during your 30s, 40s, 50s and 60s. The research is focused entirely on guys (sorry ladies). Not surprisingly, he was able to find several phases most men go through. Several friends have found the book really helpful when they're reflecting on life.
The Up Series (http://refer.ly/a4hN) is a set of films, each shot every 7 years that chronicles the real lives of a dozen people from England. While it has a bit of reality TV "drama", most all of it is the real unvarnished changes that people go through as they age, including their regrets and accomplishments. It's a remarkable watch, given that you get to see people age from 7 to 56. Just as an example, I feel it prepared me ahead of time to deal with the death of my mother, and savor the time that I have with my dad who's still alive. Ultimately, we all have to face up to a lot of the same things, and it's comforting to have a bit of a map.
Every study, every social comparison comes up with this factor as prime factor. It's not money, it's not social recognition, it's not fame. Your happiness is mainly influenced by how much you are tightly integrated into a happy group.
This one was well written, but these types of articles miss the point. You can't make sweeping generalizations based on brain chemistry alone. Experience and background plays a large part of who we are, not just genes.
You succeed when you succeed, if it happens. Sometimes, maturity is essential for the process, but age is often not a factor on the Internet. I remember an article posted here (can't recall at the moment, maybe my 30yo brain failed me, HA!) where a designer discussed how people disregarded his accomplishments and talent because he was comparatively young. Well, after going exclusively online, that's not a factor. Same applies for older people as well.
Curiosity, passion, innovation, all the things that make the 20yo brain so wonderful, according to the article, can be sustained well into later years as well.
Anyway, did the author ever think for a minute that Kepler or Newton were probably pretty "special" people?
I don't believe any article about the human brain except it is from a decorated Neuroscientist... ;)
I didn't make a ton of money or change the whole world in my twenties, but I did marry a great woman early (at 20), and begin to raise 3 great kids. I feel good about those decisions, but won't settle, I still feel that I've more growing up to do and greater days are ahead.
The twenties are for launching, while the thirties are for building what you launched.
The main point is to recognize the state of your brain at a given age and its resulting effects:
The trick is simply to take advantage of each power in the season it is given
That is applicable regardless of chronological age.
I also improved my social skills, had a long term relationship, taught myself programming, learn how to have investment failures, quit my job, tried a few jobs, understood my family dynamics, faced my emotional issues from childhood, developed an athletic body, earned a black belt, learned proper nutrition, etc.
So were my 20's wasted? Only because I wish I was 20 again and had more fun. But I'm told 30 is pretty good too.
Edit: I also completed an MS degree during this time, but funny, I completely forgot to include it. It wasn't intentional. The truth is that I don't find it as valuable nor much of an accomplishment as it was just falling into a path not chosen consciously.
I've always found those lines to be quite insightful.
I think a better article could have been "Don't waste your day". Who has seen tomorrow, and they are talking about planning a whole decade!
Keep your expectations low, work hard, give more than you take and be grateful. If you are to become next Einstein, your destiny will find you by itself. That's the best I can think for myself.
and the god damn brain formation things PLEASE neuroscience is at the most 10 years old we have no idea what the brain is doing and won't until we monitor brains the way we do now for a generation.
And I suspected that in a long time... And I fear I am too slow to do what I must.
At least, I DID went into some crazy life changing adventures last year, against all "adult" advice. But this year I already started to want to give up and go in a safer path.
I am 25 now.
I agree that no one should waste 10 years of his life-- that seems obvious-- but the article itself is a mix of pseudoscience and anecdote.
In fact, the people who seem least to be "wasting" their 20s-- the ones in IBD analyst programs and MBA programs-- are the ones losing their creativity the fastest. If you play the corporate game, creative atrophy sets in, and it's a rapid process.
Part of this is that I picked a bad company to join (they had me filling out dozens of meeting invites in Outlook and doing SAP data entry when I was supposedly hired as a developer) but I also spent those six months really thinking about what I wanted to do on a day-to-day basis and where I wanted to end up in 5, 10, 20 years. I realized that I wasn't creating anything, I was just following a process. Filling out database table request forms and bashing my head over trying to explain a cursor to a supposedly senior developer.
So I quit after saving up about a year's living expenses and I'm going to use the next year to figure something out, not sure what just yet. I've been kicking around a few ideas and we're going to start talking to potential customers at the end of the month.
I'll probably end up burning through my savings and going out to find another job a year from now but at least I'll have tried. If I don't do something creative I feel like I'm going to forget how. Five years from now I think I'll regret not trying more than I'll enjoy the fruits of a five-year-old career.