I love the metrics idea. A lot of people collect data, not many are doing anything with it. An easy way to turn collected data in to actionable items would be awesome.
I would definitely pay someone to handle this and do reporting for me on this.
This is something that I've been doing for clients for the last two years. I could do this job for you. It's something I really enjoy, and I'm familiar with a fair few analytics packages, GA, Mixpanel, Re-invigorate and so on. I also think I can pick new ones up pretty fast as the principles are more important than the technology.
Is there some way I can get in touch with you to discuss this further?