What it's like having a kid
amsiegel.com
amsiegel.com
I never really understood this. It wasn't natural for me to have surgery less than a month after I was born, either, but without it I'd be dead now.
1. The baby is affected by the epidural, which can result in several days of grogginess, increased difficulty in establishing breast feeding, etc.
2. There is a natural amnesia for the pain of childbirth. If you get an epidural that effect gets dropped. So there may be less pain, but the woman tends to remember it more clearly.
3. An epidural greatly limits the mother's range of possible positions and activities. For example squatting in a shower can be great for progress, but you can't do it if your legs don't work properly.
4. One intervention leads to another. An epidural slows the birthing process, and massively increases your likelihood of further interventions. In the linked article, the woman wound up with a C-section. The odds of that happening would have been considerably less if there had not been an epidural. (Even so, if there is no fetal distress, why the hurry to have a C-section if that had not been discussed? Before the childbirth they should have had a birthing plan, and the doula should have known the mother's wishes and defended them. That's what she's there for...)
That said, natural childbirth is incredibly difficult and not always possible. If a woman wants and is capable of having a natural childbirth, my hat is off to her. But women shouldn't be pushed to do that if they don't want to.
People just refuse to realize that so-called complications that were not pre-screened by a midwife or doctor happen BECAUSE you have a hospital birth. We then get told "my friend just gave birth and the baby was not breathing, thank god they were at the hospital!". Of course these mothers usually get epidural, which shut down their body, leading to prolonged births (doctors LOVE to wait for you to push:), suctions, etc. Impatient doctors cause far more complications and put more babies in danger than a midwife assisting a true home birth.
I do have strong opinions on people who try to encourage others to have home births without having those people screened for risk factors that indicate that a hospital is needed. Because when things go wrong in childbirth, they tend to go wrong fast. Historically a lot of women died that way. In today's world where many women have children late, have complicating conditions like diabetes, etc, there are a lot of potentially valid reasons to not give birth at home.
(My wife had two natural births in a hospital setting. As an MD who had done her research, she felt strongly about the advantages of natural childbirth. Again as an MD, she was well aware that her risk factors meant that she needed a hospital.)
http://www.amazon.ca/The-Book-Birth-Erica-Lyon/dp/0452287685
As the reviews suggest she tries to present all of the information objectively, leaving the reader to make their own decisions.
My wife credits this book with helping to convince her that she could give birth without an epidural.
I'm also confused. Is this a decision that is made as a couple?
Haha, I've never heard such a notion, that pain relief should be co-decided by the woman's partner. I certainly never presumed to have any input in that.
- baby's heart rate was of concern to your doctor - no progress for several hours - baby pooped - your wife had fever during labor - baby and mother now have an infection - c-section - big commotion, no communication with the wife
And people still think epidural is a normal part of child birthing?
On top of that - this couple will go on to tell other parents how lucky they were that they gave birth at the hospital! Yet this whole thing happened BECAUSE they thought child birth is a medical event. It's not.
They inject chemicals into a mother about to give birth and then say - well, baby doesn't want to come out, must do c-section (read: doctor wants to go home, doesn't want to rub olive oil around the vagina, let's cut her up).
I feel sorry for mothers who give birth at hospitals. Stories such as these make me so mad. People have no clue.
As for cancer, ignoring the fact that you compare it to child birth, it's completely natural. We all have cancer cells in our bodies at various times. Weak, unhealthy bodies do not know how to fight it, hence the so-called cancer breaks out so to speak. And you're correct that there are many other treatments to consider before traditional methods, but I'll get downvoted for speaking, so why bother.
That's a large part of why he's now dead.
Only if you say stuff without bothering to back any of it up with evidence, so people can tell if you're getting your information from a real source, or Alex Jones, Natural News, and that merry band of lunatics.
The problem is not C-sections and epidurals. The problem is that both are sometimes unecessarily given without much thought and for non-emergencies.
To me the decision of how you want to deliver your baby that you and you alone conceived is as personal as religion, abortion, and numerous other topics which I believe people should be left to make their own decisions about. The quick fire judgments of absolute strangers proselytizing from up high should be checked at the door.
Good luck. Being a father changes you.
The only advice I give now is to ignore all the advice everyone else gives.
This is why many of us are here on HN. To learn and grow, to gain insights from those who have had experiences that we may have in the future.
The advice I will give is to accept advice graciously and consider it. It is all an advice-giver can ask.
There is at this point no faster way to get in my bad books than to put your nose in my affairs and tell me how to raise my children when I didn't ask you to.
It's probably not the actual birth experience that resonated so much - it was the way the disconnected expectation and sense of intangibility about the lead-up to the birth that was well written. It is/was hard for me to explain to others why I wasn't overtly excited (I am, but in an internal way). Good to hear that others feel this way too.
I'd point out that it's not Hacker News, but I'd have to do that for 50% of the posts on the front page at any given time.
Edit: if you really want to know, we fertilized a total of 19 embryos in 4 attempts over the years. Only two of those were deemed implantable by the PGD (preimplantation genetic diagnosis) and both failed to implant. Each time it was a two-week wait between implantation and learning about the failure, knowing that there was a 50/50 chance.
Imagine flipping a coin that will be up in the air for two weeks. It cost you $20k, dozens of injections, tests, trips to the clinic, and general anguish to earn that coin toss.
http://www.twoweekwait.com/articles/what-no-one-told-you-abo...
(from www.reddit.com/r/infertility )
The last paragraph is perfect, couldn't have said it better myself.
Congratulations.
Anyway. Good job on the kid. I'm 14, so I don't think I'm fit to give any sort of parenting advice or the like of it. Just enjoy the beauty of youth (and also try to endure much of the ugliness that tends to come with it).
I suppose most of you are so prone to optimist thinking and nurturing your biological urges you won't heed my call. Ah well.
Oh, and by the way, the current worldwide depression will never end.
http://physics.ucsd.edu/do-the-math/wp-content/uploads/2011/...
It's a copout. We're not optimistic, you're pessimistic and cynical. Let others choose the lives they want to live, with whom they want to live them because we only have this one life.
It may not mean much in the long-tail of human experience, but the moment you look into the eyes and hold your own child is one of the most amazing experiences I've ever had. I wouldn't trade it for anything.
Anyway, congratulations to the OP! But really — I thought this was going to be about "having a baby." Post again in the fall, sir, and then tell us about "having a baby." ;)
All the best.
Obligatory pictures
http://gavinpc.com/static/pumpkins.jpg http://gavinpc.com/static/pajamas.jpg
Have got a six month old. Loving the whole process.
I think this is probably true. A related book is The End of Work by Jeremy Rifkin, which I highly recommend.
Many people have kids because that's what's expected of them, and because that's what all their friends and family are doing. They also usually hope to be less lonely with kids, have their kids support or take care of them when they're older, be able to mold their kids to be like them or further their goals, and have a sort of existence after their deaths through their kids, or even fix up their marriage by having kids -- all selfish reasons to have kids.
But the kids never asked to be born. As parents, you are essentially forcing life upon another being.
According to Silenus, "the best thing for a man is not to be born, and if already born, to die as soon as possible."[1]
This is not to mention the plague of overpopulation and all the resulting problems that unrestrained breeding has led to.
This is illogical. They can't ask to be born because they are not born yet. In your argument, the arrow of time is pointing in the wrong direction.
And the parents are not forcing life upon a being like some sort of genitals-based Dr Frankenstein rigmarole - they are creating the being.
That's the point. They don't have a choice in the matter. The choice is entirely the parents' (assuming it's not an accident or rape).
This kind of philosophy is baffling to me. How could anyone find it attractive, except for the perverse pleasure you get from trolling other people? And what kind of value is that to base a life on?
Significantly fewer people having kids would sure take a load off this resource-scarce, overcrowded planet. It would help fight poverty, hunger, and war.
If you absolutely must have kids, here's to hoping that you'll at least do it for unselfish reasons -- such as that you sincerely hope (and intend to do everything you can to ensure) that your child will improve the world in some way, rather than having a child for the selfish or conformist reasons I described in my earlier post.