Comment by ckeith | Hacker News Reader

Comment by ckeith | Hacker News Reader

Parent Full thread

I am trying, I am making progress. Looking back is like looking down and I can't do that. But this pain comes and goes and as it does my mood changes. I am coping, hoping for the better. I am now 400 miles away from family. My whole life changed when I moved down here. I don't know if I can go see family without losing my job as I found all this out during my week of vacation off from work and now cannot take any more without scheduling it. I need to get out of here, I hope my boss understands it. Maybe I can work remotely. I hate KY now, it has been nothing but a curse. Once we moved down here she met men. That is where it went downhill because all of a sudden I was stomped on by this hatred. Hatred that made no sense until I found out that she cheated on me when she left her facebook open. Yes I was curious. Was I wrong? No... Did I know her password? No... Once i found out it hit, all she could care about was my car keys. What kind of person is this? Is Monogamy real? I doubt it. Wish it was. If I talked to a professional, I would be labeled and I don't want to do that. I may need it though the more and more I think about it. Of course I could make half of the money developing software up in Ohio, but that is a choice I am currently considering. I have no friends down here, no close friends since she came into my life. It's just a black hole, no where to go.

It is not a black hole. Your vision is just clouded from pain. Let someone hold your hand while you get through it.

Ask your boss for a short-term leave due to family issues. Take it without pay if need be. You need to be around family and friends ASAP. At the very least you need to call someone like a close family member or friend.

Did you ditch your friends for this girl? Good friends that were good guys? Call them anyway. Call the person that you think will give you the most support. Even if it is a friend you ditched. Beg their forgiveness and tell them you really need someone to talk to.

Your first priority is to stop your perceived spiral. Get your feet firmly on the ground with another human being. Do you have such a person? Family? If not then talk to me.

You have lots of options. Your first post scared the crap out of me. You will get through this.

Then you can start thinking of your next step. Being in a location with a good support system is your short-term priority, not the fear of a salary decrease. You can always improve salary once everything else gets back in order.

I want to talk to family but I feel as if I can't. I don't know why. I just feel as if no one can truly understand the pain. We all feel love in a different way. My problem is now trust unfortunately and even if I found someone I would only be able to think about her. She actually gave my life reason. I didn't ditch my friends, people that I was around could not mature enough to actually become adults. I just want to rewind time and change the day that we fell in love because it just hurts so bad. Sure my family can express sympathy, but they can never empathize with what I am feeling. My wife took care of me, I can't even wash my own clothes without screwing something up. The biggest thing I worry about is not being able to take care of myself. What a disappointment you know?

>> If I talked to a professional, I would be labeled and I don't want to do that.

I don't think that's a good reason to discard professional help. You have been hit hard, and that can happen to anybody. What's wrong with seeking help from qualified people?

I would recommend to try some new activities, like sport, to help your mind focus on something positive and meet new people, but again, that's just my advice which is by no mean qualified.

Good luck, you will meet another woman for sure bro!

Reply on news.ycombinator.com