It sounds like you're dealing with severe depression. I hope you're seeing someone you can talk to about these feelings. My email is alanctgardner@gmail.com if you do need someone to talk to.

I think he touches on a lot of the points you mentioned:

> every second feels like a minute

> you constantly obsess on what it was you did so wrong

> they felt you were a terrible disgrace

That sounds like deconstruction, negative affect, self-blame and 'falling short of standards'. It can be hard to quantify what you just instinctively feel by yourself. A lot of my time with my therapist is basically me rambling about an abstract feeling, and her relating and summing it up in one or two words. I think it helps me better understand what's going on, which can take some of the power away from the raw emotion.

Talking to someone about it is the best way to start getting better.