Comment by monksy | Hacker News Reader

Comment by monksy | Hacker News Reader

Parent Full thread

The horror stories aren't exactly a raw result of what happened. Many of the stories may be inflated or have biases that you don't know about.

So many of the profiles on OkCupid are: 1. Fake [a girl is testing the waters to see whos on there, or it could be a guy seeing his competition] 2. The girl is using it to boost her self esteem [lots of messages about guys complementing her are going on] Also, online dating [in her mind] may be "below" her. 3. Theres a low noise to signal rate. Guys learn very quickly that girls are very selective, and sometimes random about the messages they reply to. [There are a few possiblities for this] 4. Also there are girls who troll OkCupid. [They have no interest in dating or they're wayyyy over protective (practically requiring a background check before meeting in a very public place)]

So when you hear "stories" you have to be a little bit weary of the storyteller. [Even if you believe that the story teller is honest and good.]

You would be surprised. As a female who occasionally uses OKC to meet people, I've had the joy of being offered a price. Straight up.

And yes, it was too low.

When you see "replies selectively", go for it. We're not the trolls. We're the eyerollers waiting for an actual conversation starter.

My style is that I want to start a conversation rather than trying to be extremely direct. [From my experience starting direct is a horrible idea] When I see "replies selectively" the first thing that comes to my mind is that you're picking messages randomly.

EDIT: Even when being indirect on the first message you're still put in the same categories as all the other guys, its a random chance at best... screw that.

If I'm not mistaken, good on you for having a sense of humour. The girls I've met on OKC haven't had such of a thing. A lot of them mention they have a sense of humor in their profile, but completely lack it in the message.

Honestly it depends. Personally, I don't engage with people who want children because thats just an inevitable nail in the coffin. Everyone has their own red flags, there's no science to it really.

I only get roughly 1 response for every 7 messages I send, so clearly I'm not the only picky one, and its not just the ladies holding out ;)

Thats cool that you're sending out messages! Rock on. I find it horrendously amusing when seeing divorced women with kids on OKC. Typically they have a strong statement about "YOU BEST BE A MAN AND BE ABLE TO TAKE CARE OF MY KID!" Thats a huge red flag.

My favorites are the "mens rights activists" who completely shit on women, complain about how "nice" they are, wear ill fitting fedoras, and then wonder why no one responds :)

There have to be normal people on OKC somewhere, right? ...right?

You sound like you'd have some interesting stories.

I think the the MRAs are well meaning, but they have a very odd execution. Shame that Fedoras has given hats on mean a bad name.

I want to believe there are normal people on OKC... I want to but when it comes to recreating the profile I keep just giving up.

> When you see "replies selectively", go for it. We're not the trolls. We're the eyerollers waiting for an actual conversation starter.

s/actual conversation starter/attractive man/

What you say is not replicable in the data. Send the messages famously made fun of in every "guide" to OKC: "sup" "hey girll" "omg ur cute"...from a profile with an extremely attractive man's picture (stock photos will do.) Watch replies roll in.

Yes, but its the anomalies that are most likely worth meeting up with ;)

Don't take this as trying to hit on you. But, I wish more girls on OKC had that attitude.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com