I Think You're Fat: The Radical Honesty Movement
esquire.com
esquire.com
I don't think we are our worst thoughts. Sure guys think about sex every 3 minutes but we're not a bunch of women clubbing apes. We respect the people we're with and we care about their interests. We treat them as such.
I think honesty in relationships is hugely key, but only constructive honesty. Telling someone only what they want to hear is doing them a disservice. But scratching every itch that comes into your head is equally unhelpful. Criticism is something that needs to be thought out and analyzed before handed out (or received). In my experience initial critical instincts often tend to be based on societal norms, prejudice or other forms of unoriginal thought.
I dunno, you can see plenty of women clubbing apes in Sheffield on a Friday night...
(I think the implicit message of the article is that the addition of 'fucking' to any statement makes it inherently more honest, hence the above).
the guy featured in the article sounds charismatic like a cult leader, with a message as easy to sell as bottled water.
Like I fucking care!
:P
Nonetheless, there's a difference between caring about people and caring about people's feelings. The latter is really all about oneself; if you lie to avoid hurting people's feelings, you're really trying to avoid them being pissed off at you. If you don't think someone is able to process the truth, better to say nothing at all.
My take on this is that tact should be the default in any relationship, but if you have a true interest in it, you should try and learn to what extent the other person can take honesty, and relax protocols accordingly for a more authentic communication. It takes empathy and tact to do this well.
I tend to gravitate towards people with a sense of humour, esp. an ability to laugh at themselves, and avoid fragile egos like the plague if I can help it. Then again, I expect some prudent distance from strangers until I have somehow cued them/welcome them/asked them to tell me their opinions about my stuff.
It also takes time.
and maybe if I get divorced or become a widower, I can have sex with them
Don't confuse prey-defeating behaviour with cruelty, either. Cats rely on their senses and have less-than-wonderful immune systems; getting bitten in the face by a mouse could potentially knock out their ability to successfully track their next prey for longer than they can survive without. The elaborate batting/playing is actually defensive behaviour - she needs that mouse to stop moving before she severs its spine.
++ Indeed, I believe that empathy varies inversely with preferred proximity, both between species and within them. Dogs are pack creatures, and the members of the pack will often treat each other abominably; the incidence of sociopathy in humans skyrockets in inner cities; sensitive beings tend to be more empathic, but also to be introspective, shy, reserved...
1) You don't own the cats, it is the other way around. The cats own you ;)
2) Cats are the most advanced civilization on earth, and we are all their slaved. Only that we don't realize ;)
I know that, and you know that, but try explaining the concept to a dog lover. ;)
Intricate etiquette and highly evolved social interaction don't imply empathy. Bees and ants have the former but AFAICT not the latter. I'm of the opinion that the adherence of cats to social rules comes from enough claws on the nose, rather than for any appreciation for the feelings of others.
You can be sensitive and not empathetic. You can feel very intensely about what is of selfish interest to you, while being mostly blind and deaf to the feelings of others. I think this the type of sensitivity that cats display.
Their behaviour to mice was never a factor in my opinion. Empathy for one's prey is not much of an evolutive advantage for any species, so I never expected that.
I see no contradiction in observing that the species which are most capable of empathy are just as capable of evil and cruelty. Indeed, I think the ability to feel/understand the pain you're inflicting on others is necessary for true cruelty (as opposed to instinctive viciousness, which can be explained in evolutionary terms, as you did).
You have a point in the grandparent post that cats are low maintenance. But then again, so are cacti, and they have a positive oxygen to CO2 contribution. :>
Anyway, I think we'll have to agree to differ here, since both of us appear to have have reached our conclusions through observation. All I will add is that I have no doubt that my love for my cats is reciprocated... you can draw your own conclusions about my objectivity thence. :)
Keep your trousers zipped and you'll be fine...
Everybody lies. The most successful liars are the ones who can hoodwink themselves - if you can convince yourself that you don't lie, you have carte blanche to foist off any other bullshit you can dream up on anyone gullible enough to swallow it. As a corollary, one should direct most of one's suspicion at the conspicuously honest...