How should I deal with an employee who has slept with my wife?
workplace.stackexchange.com
workplace.stackexchange.com
If you won't stand up for yourself here, I don't know when you will. I certainly don't know when you would stand up for me.
Get a lawyer and do it right. But fire him.
ALSO: Maybe more important. Get yourself into therapy of some kind. Immediately. Get screened for depression and pyschological disorder.
That you are even asking this question suggests that your priorities and self-image have departed from normal ranges in unhealthy ways. Never mind the goddam business. You aren't even living your life. Something is seriously haywire. If you don't go to work on it you are going to end up a very sad and strange story.
Speak to a lawyer, though. IANAL, obviously.
You can't retroactively apply "breach of trust" in this situation though, and promoting him with the intention of firing him (which would be obvious) won't help your case.
But if you, or someone reading, knows UK law, is there anything that prevents you from renting an separate office with a telephone and re-assigning him to work in that office? Still pay him and all but just keep him out of the way where he can't do any more damage.
Really? So you can show them the door for anything then? In California, can you fire someone for their racial background? For their gender? For their age? Religion? Family status?
I suspect a lot of this thread is just a bunch of software types pretending to know what the law is (myself included). Best advice on this whole discussion: talk to a lawyer.
Law prevents the OP from just shooting the bastard, and rightly so. We surrender whatever right we may have to fight and kill on own our behalf, in return for protection from others and enforcement of just outcomes. The point is to remove our personal biases from interpretation of "just".
But if the sovereign jurisdiction won't allow this guy to fire someone who has done this, then its "law" has departed from its proper functions and can't be relied upon. I don't know what it is doing, but it isn't overseeing justice. I wouldn't wait to find out how it goes wrong next. I'd just leave.
The guy is fireable in any country.
Not at all. As aforementioned, you can't legally fire him in the UK (or Australia). Doing so would immediately welcome a legal battle with Fair Work (in Australia) and your chances of winning that one are slim to none.
I'm confused as to how someone can be forced to continue to give money to someone that they don't want to continue giving money to? What if I decide I can't afford those employees because we aren't making enough money? Surely I can close down the business if I want to, effectively firing everyone?
Then in various jurisdictions you have to prove that. In court. See item 1 of http://www.nytimes.com/2006/03/28/world/europe/28iht-letter.... and this sort of thing is not limited to France.
The US setup of at-will employment looks just as weird on that side of the Atlantic, I'm told, as theirs does to us.
I can't tell you what the setup is with being able to close down a business. It wouldn't terribly surprise me if there are legal hurdles to that too.
Incidentally, IANAL - the above is essentially right but I'm not an employer and only have an employee's view of things.
doesn't mean I wouldn't fire the guy's ass because I have yet to see a plausible argument for what negative legal consequences might befall me if I did
Just because he's a manager and makes hiring decisions based on technical abilities doesn't give him the power to exact revenge for personal problems.
And on a practical level, no one could reasonably expect him to continue working with, let alone managing someone who'd done this, in this small a company.
Dentist had made some pretty dumb comments that could probably count as a hostile work environment but he wasn't liable for wrongful termination. Obviously doesn't apply anywhere but Iowa but interesting nonetheless.
[0]: http://www.iowacourts.gov/Supreme_Court/Recent_Opinions/2012...
I don't want my business depending on someone I can't trust, especially if that someone is going to be on the opposite side of a massive legal battle (divorce, in this case).
The owner of the company would be irresponsible to allow his employee to continue while the situation is unresolved; at a minimum, he'd be suspended until after the divorce proceedings complete.
Frankly, I'd get rid of him on the deception and dishonesty alone, because keeping that kind of employee around is a disservice to the rest of the company.
Would the employee be fired for adultery with anyone else? Would other employees be fired for it? Ultimately the employee is guilty of moral turpitude, and the employer should apply the same rules on everyone regarding it.
Getting screened for depression and psychological disorders is just rude and callous. You've not factored into your analyss the wife's role in all this or what might have motivated her to have an affair with this employee. All factors which you've completely neglected to consider...
It's even more sad that this is the top comment. All these chest banging alpha make wanna bees
Not talking to a psychiatrist would be crazy.
Dealing sensibly with a spouses sleeping around is not a pathology. Neither is dealing sensibly with a friend or colleague who participated.
We are discussing a situation as postulated. That postulate is a deep betrayal of trust and enormous emotional damage. Maybe _your_ reaction would be different, and those are your values, and that's fine. If I worked with you and knew your sexual mores were such that this was no big deal for you, my reaction could well be different.
But that isn't the case here.
"The boss has learned something about you and now he doesn't like you. Should the boss fire you?"
Like has nothing to do with it. Are you seriously suggesting that the matter under discussion is one of a boss not _liking_ an employee? "Oh, he slept with my wife, I really don't like that guy."
I'll take your question at face value and give you some examples.
If the boss doesn't like you because you are gay/introverted/unsocial/not into sports/don't make a good drinking partner/refuse to perform sexual favors - no, the boss shouldn't fire you.
If you slept with the boss's wife or a co-worker's wife, then you have no place on a team and yes, you need to be fired.
What these tough guys don't realize is something which Margret Thatcher best put to words: being powerful is like being a lady; if you have to tell [or show] others you are, you aren't. (paraphrased, from memory)
Maybe he's not that sort of fellow. But... he already slept with your wife. And... he's not willing to take the initiative and bow out gracefully, now that this is known.
The truth is, not only will you not be able to work with him, but once it gets out to the company, everyone else will begin asking, "Why hasn't he been fired?". If you avoid that decision, you will very quickly begin to lose the trust of your employees, as they'll think you're indecisive and that your employee is the one with hand.
If you decide to continue working with him, the employee will continue to undermine you at work. And then he'll leave, start his own company doing the same product, and bring three quarters of your best devs with him, because they think you've lost your edge.
So get it the fuck together, fire him, and make a public statement that his firing was due to a lack of personal integrity and make it clear that you won't tolerate that kind of personal betrayal. Details can be spared, because those kinds of rumours spread faster than diseases through a workplace.
This is a pure power play. Don't let him win.
There's a chance he can't fire him, in which case he should probably contain him in a room doing menial tasks and receiving written warnings whenever they aren't satisfactory (3 warnings = can be fired where I live).
Either way dealing with it head on is the only way to keep everyone's respect.
If he takes everyone's advice and deals with it, but also has the benefit of patience and wisdom to ask before acting (not sure I could), that's probably the most respect deserving course of all.
Whether he likes it or not, his employee is now an adversary, and his wife is only the beginning. It's like the old lion being ejected from the pride because his time has come. He's taken his wife, why not take his company? Just like a serial killer, he's only going to escalate.
And of course your other comment here is "beat the crap out of him". Wow.
A person saying this is either extraordinarily in control of his emotional responses (Dalai Lama level) or extraordinarily unaware of how highly emotional events can hit extremely hard.
now it's too late, shit already hit the fan, personal problems got to the office, he got to get rid of him to regain authority, there is nothing 'mature' about doing nothing when he's clearly in trouble.
Also, I find it exceedingly amusing that you portray me as "raging" as you support "beating the crap out of" someone.
I'm saying that it's a rather natural reaction to experience such anger and rage, and that to deny the reality of such feelings is counterproductive. Acting on the feelings in a violent way is discouraged.
If I might put on my amateur-analyst's hat, if your employee fucked your wife, there is a very good chance that he's been fucking you for much longer. A fresh-from-college hire might very well test his boss to see what he can get away with in the first few months on the job, especially if the employee plays the central business role described here. In many situations that youthful experimentation can be indulged, within reason. In this situation indulgence became pathological, and the employee was trapped in a cycle of escalating transgression. You have sown the wind with this employee.
The second professional you should retain, after a lawyer (and indeed this will be a good lawyer's advice) is a private investigator. This guy has been robbing you. If this employee has access to business computers, that investigator should be skilled in forensic computer security. If the employee has access to the books, you'll need a forensic accountant. You might not be able to fire this guy for the ultimate transgression, but you'll definitely be able to fire him (and possibly refer him to prosecutors) for all the steps that led up to it.
If your spirit is so broken by now that you can't contemplate the above then maybe you should just sell the business. It would be nice if you could keep the proceeds away from the ex, but that seems unlikely.
When you have a relationship with a man/woman, it's with this individual, not with every single other human being on the planet.
If I'm not with anyone and I try to seduce your girlfriend, it's HER job to say no. Unless you don't think she is smart enough to make her own decisions. But in this case we have other problems...
As opposed to jetti, I'm not sure the wife would just have found somebody else. But regardless, she was the one in couple with the boss.
I'm confused by most of the reactions I see here. It's as if they expect the boss to be able to tell employees who they can fuck.
Kudos to this boss for at least considering that firing the guy is not the only solution.
Irrelevant.
Here's the problem:
"At the same time, every time I see his face, I feel like that just kills me inside."
It is silly to think that this doesn't affect productivity and won't affect the business in the future, especially with communication between these two individuals. A person's well being does is in fact a work matter, the acknowledgment of which makes the employees position absolutely untenable. You cannot possibly sleep with a fellow employee's spouse (regardless of whether it is a superior or not) and not expect that to be a work matter.
> It's as if they expect the boss to be able to tell employees who they can fuck.
This isn't about telling the employee who they can fuck. It's about fostering a productive and positive work environment. Knowingly choosing to create animosity between yourself and a superior (or any fellow employee for that matter) in such a hurtful manner is simply stupid.
This employee should be fired immediately.
Try this thought experiment: suppose you have 2 employees. Would you fire one of them if he sleeps with the other's girlfriend, or would you consider this a 'personal matter' and not interfere?
If I am a small business and only have ~50 employees, I would probably fire them. It's only a personal matter until it affects work. This would obviously affect work.
What exactly makes you think you're a great individual if you seduce a married woman?
The known quantity is that she was married to the OP. It's her responsibility to not sleep with someone else or terminate the marriage if she decides that she wants to
Now did she break her marriage vows? Yes. That's unrelated.
> Chances are that if the employee said 'no', then the wife would've found somebody else to sleep with.
So your argument is that because there is someone out there with no integrity, it makes it alright for him to act without integrity? And that should not affect his work relationship with his boss?
> The wife was the one who took a vow to remain faithful, not the employee.
If we really value honesty and loyalty, then we cannot excuse him for going behind his boss's back and helping his wife break her marriage vows. If keeping your promises is something we value, then we cannot excuse him for actively helping someone break one of the most important promises in their life.
The wife is definitely at fault, but if you value honesty and trustworthiness then the employee was at indisputably at fault too. I find it mind boggling that people would stand up for this guy.
Why is anyone 'at fault'? The marriage was clearly over (despite not being officially over). It would be great to see a post from the wife and employee's perspectives. I am sure it would be something like: "the marriage was over and we fell in love, everything is wonderful, I hope he keeps his job and my ex-husband/boss doesn't fire him/me out of spite". I also think it is telling that he is continuing to call her "his wife" still after she has left him.
As the boss I would wish them both the best and continue to judge the employee based on his merits at work.
This order of events is incorrect from the OP.
> Recently, I found out that one of my employees has been having an affair with my wife. ... My wife has since left me.
His wife may have already told him it was over years ago and she literally left after the event. Or perhaps the event caused the divorce. Either way it is an 'affair' from his perspective.
Many people live together for years after it is clearly a failed marriage.
I was also not stating the order of the events, rather the facts of the events. The order is of little importance here. She has left him for this other man. That is her choice to make.
That depends on perspective but regardless of that, you don't have any information to support this. The man calls the woman "his wife", because he is still married to her. He says "she has since left me" which indicates that they were together at the time of the affair.
As the boss I would wish them both the best and continue to judge the employee based on his merits at work.
Well isn't that fantastic. I would get rid of both of them as soon as possible. Once someone betrays you, they will do it again and again.
It is not clear that the relationship was over. A relationship involves two parties. If both parties are not clear that it is over, then it is not over. This is why formal divorce is important. It marks a clear end to the relationship with no room for misunderstanding or confusion. If they created the relationship with a formal marriage commitment then it is unethical to move on until there is a formal divorce, or at the very least a clear and communicated separation and intent to break the relationship. Now if she did everything she could to secure a divorce and he refused her, then it is a different story, but there is no evidence that this is the case here.
It is no longer just her choice to make. When she entered into the marriage relationship, she made a commitment to her husband. She made a promise. It is no longer just her choice.
This is a stretched analogy, but ethically similar, I believe: If I enter into a contract with a service provider (marriage relationship) and as part of their commitment to me they promise a certain level of service (fidelity), then they are obligated ethically to provide that level of service as long as they are within this contractual relationship. Unless we have written into the contract that either party can dissolve the relationship at any time without notice--uncommon for this kind of contract and extremely uncommon for marriage--then they are in the wrong if they choose unilaterally to end the relationship and fail to meet their committed level of service.
This is why adultery is often illegal. The only argument I can think of for making adultery legal is that we do not want the government this involved with people's personal lives. It may not be in fashion, but I firmly believe there is no moral or ethical justification for adultery.
You're the boss.
Your immediate report is the competent VP/Engineer.
His report, the company's best dev, is the one who committed the personal-life transgression against him.
The two will never work together well again. Now what?
You'd consider canning the _competent_ VP/Engineer, adding insult to injury?
C'mon.
What if everyone else finds out the the employee had an affair with the boss and the boss knew and the boss didn't fire him?
I'd honestly have trouble respecting the boss in that situation. This holds even if I were good friends with the guy who got fired. If one of my pals got caught having sex with his boss' wife and he got fired, I'd laugh because what the fuck man, why the would you ever even consider doing that? I wouldn't fault the boss at all, even if I otherwise thought he was a prick.
Like if they were all just consensual swingers that's fine with me. Not my thing, but to each his/her own. But based on what the guy wrote it doesn't sound like that is the case at all.
In this story the wife asks the husband to fire the very competent & sexy assistant. He does and the court rules in his favor... because she was a cause for distraction (simplified). I don't agree with this ruling since the assistant did not do anything wrong.
If him being around makes your life miserable, fire him (check with a lawyer first). He's obviously a cause for distraction, you're going to have a hard time trusting him and you are probably having a hard time focusing around him.
US courts have ruled very consistently on this point.
What about the idea of selling the company to him or firing yourself with a nice, generous severance or golden parachute?
One possibility is that you don't yet respect yourself as much as you could.
Another is he may be more important than you right now.
A third is that you will start messing up at work if you keep him around, so you are future value add will at some point be less than his.
Any of these three possibilities suggest that the company is better off with him staying and you leaving.
That said, my first suggestion for you is to get a good therapist. Get some help from your real friends and family (parents? siblings?) And when you man up, fire his ass.
Good luck. You seem like a good person intent on doing what is right for all but it may be time to do what's right for yourself.
The algorithm here isn't complicated. Ask yourself whether you're someone who can be happily monogamous. If the answer is "no", own up to it, date poly people and have awesome dinners with your new extended family. If the answer is "yes", you have the option of dating somebody who needs your fidelity and offers you theirs in return, and the two of you can live happily ever. And then there are all the other options - but regardless, try to figure it out and be honest with yourself before you get married.
If he's actually that valuable, this is a great reason to spread responsibility, coach newer employees, and invest in other people besides your indispensable "rockstar/ninja/guru" before you might have to let them go for a non-performance-based liability, like suspicions of fraud, etc.
Option #2: Most of #1, but (instead of an employment lawyer) demote him to the mail room so he'll resign (no severance or unemployment).
Also, never allow a single person, however trustworthy, to be so indispensable to your business that you can't thrive without them.
So many times this!
I'm going to type the words a few more times for emphasis: lawyer lawyer lawyer lawyer lawyer lawyer lawyer lawyer up.
If this is even a question for you I genuinely believe you're not cut out to be a CEO and you should take plan B - promote the guy to CEO and slink off into the background yourself.
This isn't meant to excuse her cheating in any way as I believe cheating is a cowardly and inexcusable way to get out of a relationship that isn't working, but c'mon.
For what it is worth, I'd advocate firing if the guy found out an employee was cheating on any other employee, so while it would be impossible to separate your feelings in his situation, I think it is the right action regardless of who got cheated on.
Talk about workplace poison and unethical behavior!
The end action is obvious (to me). It's the legal minefield of steps necessary to get to that action that the owner needs to carefully consider (with the advice of sound legal council).
I've never understood the Hollywood story of wife cheats on husband, husband beats up her lover. As far as you know he wasn't even aware she was married.
In this case clearly he was aware it was your wife. Would it change the story if she was your girlfriend instead of your wife? Your x-wife? Your x-girlfriend?
I'd say effectively since she had the affair she already was your x-wife. Do the circumstances matter? If he she had left first then later started a relationship with this guy would that change how you feel? If he'd never met your wife while you were married and then met her without knowing she was your wife would that change things?
I'm not suggesting you shouldn't feel upset or want to fire the guy or get him to leave. You feel how you feel. All I'm suggesting is other ways to frame the issue that might subtly change your P.O.V.
Have you seen the early edits of the question?
* His wife's name is Jenny * been together for 15 years * high school sweethearts * 3 yr old son
Way to stay anonymous.
The user has been a member for 2 days, already attracted 403 reputation points (whatever that means).
Anyway, people seem to enjoy discussing the topic, and enjoy assuming it's all real and their advice will make it back to the questioner.
Hook, line, sinker.
If it is real, the full story is needed including the other man's version before anyone can say what to do.
Seriously: why employ someone you can't trust?
And the poster has left just enough clues for his target audience (other employees and his and his ex-wife personal friends) to figure out things. At the same time he is within limits such that he is legally safe (against any defamation suits).
One can't be sure, but if this posting, indeed was a shaming strategy. I would say good solid punch. Bang on the face.
Never put too much trust in friends; learn how to use enemies.
Today, in our namby pamby world, someone has to ask: should I fire him? Would that be insensitive of me? Will I be sued? How will my (ex)wife feel?
The answer, since you asked, is to fire his ass for unethical behavior. If he tries to take you to court, hire a good lawyer and fight back. File a civil suit against him. Make him famous. Make him sorry he ever walked in the door.
What goes around, comes around. Important employee, my ass. No one is worth that.
Fortunately that's illegal.
I would suggest that you first take a break from your employee, make up your mind to terminate him, and finally talk to a lawyer to understand your options from him.
Hi. What an awful situation - uncomfortable doesn't really begin to describe it. However what's done is done, and if you are now with the wife of the boss, then clearly you and she are happier in that state. Even if not, clearly life is once again far more complicated than we ever envisage, and you have both chosen the difficult path.
So what to do?
Let's paint three options - fight, flee or transition.
Under Fight, you would stand your ground, and insist that business is business, and personal matters are separate.
With Flee, you'd exit immediately and allow you and your new partner to start a new life together away from her former husband.
With Transition you'll take into account the knowledge that things will never be the same at work, and negotiate a graceful exit and transition, perhaps retaining a share of the business, and also ensuring that you formally settle any claim on the business the wife may have.
The Fight approach may seem logical, in a Spock kind of way, but it is bereft of all feeling. You will be demonstrating to all around you that you are completely non-empathic, and some may start pondering your scores from The Psychopath Test (book). I suspect that it would result in an uncomfortable work and personal experiences which will almost certainly end badly for all parties, including the business and the ex-wife.
The Flee approach is the most empathetic, signaling that relationships and family matter more than business, which is a view held by almost everybody else in the world. It's kindest to your Boss, and to your new lover, and allows you all to make genuine re-starts. However you'll lose some of the benefits from being in the company, and you will leave an immediate gap with your knowledge and skills.
The Transition or negotiate and leave approach is probably wisest. The transition period could be days to months, but does need to be defined and progress monitored. You would each agree a list of tasks to complete, and on a way of behaving to each other. You may (should really) choose to have a third party or two involved with this negotiation, but don't hire expensive lawyers and do it in court, for obvious reasons. Come to a rapid agreement within a few days, and then honourably complete the terms.
No doubt there are other approaches, and they should be considered as well. All of them should include a genuine apology - indeed a series of genuine apologies.
Of course it wasn't entirely clear whether you are still with the ex-wife, but even if it was a fairly brief fling, serious consideration of the approach to take and the apologies is still very valid.
He won't be around for long
My solution would be make the divorce settlement to be mostly made up from the company. Offload what else you can onto the other chap with fiscal compensation. Then once that has setteled and be all friendly about it you then after a nice little holiday break set up a competeing company and do what you want to do with a clean slate with the knowledge of the buisness, list of employee's you wish to recruit from the old company and relationships with the customers. That is what I would do, only fair and works on many levels of karma as well as enabling you to completely in effect restructure the company in a way that enables you to do it with all that hindsite you have gained and is an emense advantage. Also get misconduct clauses in the contracts that can be leveridged in such matter. Though even if you did have that enabling you to dismiss him without fallback you still need to perhaps make people more dispensible in your company design.
But your company is your life and so is your wife and with that too lose one and have the other stabbed up is certainly a unplesant situation and with that; Don't get mad, get even. But it is had not to get mad so channel it and tap into that new resovoir of energy - some of us have to drink lots of coffee to obtain that level of energy.
If he divorces his wife, could she potentially get part ownership of the company?
He's a logical thinker, but his employee is pretty shady to want to stay around and not quit and seems to be quite arrogant. This can be an advantage.
The wife won't get shit. She is the one who had the affair.
The right choice and most difficult choice is to keep him around. It's likely he is still reliable in terms of the company and vital for his day to day operations.
It is extremely for him to take a new stance with his employee though. Make sure you document in writing all the mistakes or problems you have here on out (Extremely Important). Start looking for a replacement, and have the employee start going through day to day operations.
This will stop the employee from stepping all over his boss. Realizing he can be replaced is important especially since the guy seems to not have respect for his boss.
This will put him in his place and he'll have the choice to step up and outperform or make mistakes that puts him in a situation where there is just cause to fire him.
The best case scenario would be for his employee to quit on his own so that he doesn't have have to give severance pay, health insurance or unemployement. This is what usually happens.
You could also cut his hours etc, other ways to get him to leave without having to fire him.
Ideally, our life partner cheating on us should hurt us more than somebody we mentored. But may be since the wife couldn't be controlled, the anguish is on the employee who can be controlled somehow.
The law, surely would support the employee as the personal matters can't be mixed with office. But yea, if you want to fire him, you can do with some other reasons, if not this.
Seriously, an employee's sex life is generally none of the employer's business - neither is the sex life of one's ex-spouse.
Objectively, the employee did not violate the bosses trust and the relationship might be repaired. Though not exactly typical, a marriage and family counselor might help in working toward that end if the parties are willing.
It's not necessary for the impact to be on the productivity of the employee whose behavior is in question. Say, an employee starts showing up at work in tactical combat gear with various hate slogans put up around their workplace and on their car, which make other employees understandably scared. Or sexual harassment creating a hostile work environment for others. In neither case would the offender necessarily be the one whose productivity is impacted. I'd support termination in either case, however.
Overall I agree with the top comment. Having the guy around for long would inflict a negative air at the top that might permeate the entire organization. Gotta go for sure.
This loser hasn't an ounce of integrity and integrity is a must in almost any setting. If you expect productivity and team solidarity to ever exist again the garbage must be taken out.
Adultery as a crime is still surprisingly common, but going away fast. Prosecutions for it in Western countries are extremely rare, and the laws making it illegal in 23 US states are just waiting to be challenged and overthrown. Most people seem to think that it's not the government's business to decide that all husbands and wives must remain faithful or be fined/jailed.
Adultery as a breach of contract is a little trickier, because a marriage contract is a special kind of contract that covers things that normal contracts can't. You can't sue someone for breaching their marriage vows, but you can divorce them. In the past, you needed grounds (such as adultery) to do so, but no-fault divorces are available now in every US state and several other Western countries. Whether adultery is factored into decisions about alimony depends on the jurisdiction - some do, some don't. It's a tricky issue, and relationships (particularly rocky ones) tend to be more complex than rigid rules can allow for.
On a more general point, I think that you'd have a hard time convincing a judge that lifetime sexual exclusivity is something you can sign away in any normal legal contract. Marriage gets special treatment to allow for things like that, but the trade-off is that we expect married couples to try to deal with their own issues rather than getting the courts involved immediately.
Yep. The wife broke her marriage contract. The other guy was not party to the contract and thus did nothing illegal (except in places with backward definitions of adultery). Doesn't mean he wasn't a jerk for emotionally harming his mentor.
.. or as my old employment law professor used to say:
You can require all of your employees to wear purple shirts. And then the next day when one of them shows up wearing purple, you can fire him for wearing purple.
Note, I'm not referring to a single mistake in a moment of weakness but an ongoing affair.
Perhaps he himself should pack up and leave?
After all he is the one with trust issues in the workplace.
If he really doesn't believe he can fire this guy, he has a succession planning problem that needs to be solved.
Recently, I found out that one of my employees has been having an affair with my wife.
My wife has since left me
I've spoken to him, and he says he's sorry about what's happened but he's also not leaving.
Seriously, there's degrees here and a simple "The arrogant little bastard cuckolded me!" likely doesn't do the situation justice.
Moreover, as the guy points out himself, the employee is technically competent and also the matter is private at the moment--presumably, he may be able to let sleeping dogs lie.
This is stupid drama and we can't help because we're all supposing things wildly.
Hint: Immediate-fire responses are managers who shouldn't have reports. Take notes.
I can understand if the employee was caught stealing petty cash or fudging the time sheets; then you'd want some semblance of due process to gain absolute proof, give him a chance to resign rather than be fired, etc.
But adultery? Confessed adultery?
But a lot depends on how long you were married, maybe the wife still loves him and she may own part of the company.