Let's say you have a file of size X. You want to write a program of size Y which will decompress an X-Y-1 sized file back to the original program. Does such a program and file exist for every file of size X?
Using the pigeon hole principle, we can see that it does not. There are 2^X files of size X, but only 2^(X-1) inputs of length Y+X-Y-1. Therefore, not every file can be compressed this way. It doesn't matter what your decompressor is written in or how, you still can't do it.