Being personable and having good to great communication skills is a prerequisite for almost everything. The software and hardware engineering fields have largely had a free pass on this historically because supply was so low.
The exact formula will change depending on the scenario. Maybe it is a prompt email, maybe it is getting a beer and giving someone a pieceof your mind. Most important, it is knowing when to do which one.
You seem to believe it's all about pleasing people and you seem to assume that everyone has a much bigger ego than they really do.
I would instantly hate working with anyone who tries the shit you're thinking of. That's untrustworthy behavior.
I realize now that maybe you're speaking from inexperience or an unwillingness to judge people to tailor your message? Sorry, but there's no way to avoid the pain of that. The best communicators really are necessarily sociopaths. If you value your sanity, you need to find the level you're comfortable with without becoming that and know when to turn it off.
HARD disagree. Great communicators are empathic. Obama had tremendous speaking skills, and so was George W. Bush. Trump is sociopathic, and not a single speech he's ever made will be treated as seriously worthy of preservation.