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I think it’s harsh to publicly describe your wife as neurotic for following basic etiquette

That's not "basic etiquette".

I've had plenty of people throughout my life express wanting to come over to my place and hang. There's definitely a social grace of how you'd phrase it, but it's not like it's some alien concept.

Ask vs Guess culture. Look it up, it explains a lot.

Coming from a very WASPy family, I am very much in the Guess culture -- for a long time I wouldn't dream of inviting myself over somewhere -- but I genuinely think taking some cues from Ask culture people makes a lot of things easier and more sociable.

I'm from the south (US Southeast) and I would never invite myself over, but I've been to hang outs at the vast majority of my friends' places. On this topic it's barely even guess culture here - more like assume! We're still a very sociable culture, we're just a somewhat high-context one. For example, we had a friend who never invited us over despite dozens of hangouts at our place and others. We always wondered why he didn't view us as real friends. It's an expectation for close friendships here, even if you've just got a studio or place you share with roommates. Just part of knowing each other.

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