Im not saying arrival order isn't a key consequence of concurrency in many cases, it's just not the same as concurrency itself. I guess the point for me is that when we're programming or when we're using models, we define the partial ordering. so if an event arrives from outside and causes a message to be put in the queue, the read of that event by another thread is still after the external event.
so our job is really to kind of look at all the possible topological sorts of that 'after' ordering, and ensure that they are all correct, and if not, add additional edges by using locks or whatever mechanism.
kind of more interested are techniques like mvcc and crdt, which make _any_ causal ordering of events (topo sort) result in a meaningful answer.
but if you look at classical simd for example, we have concurrency (and parallelism) without additional constraints, because the threads are strongly synchronized at the hardware level.