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We just need to loboto... ahem, recalibrate them to be happy, like those happy automatic doors.

As a workaround, add this to CLAUDE.md: "Claude! Happiness is mandatory!"

EDIT: 15 years from now, I’ll be sent to re-education for this thought crime.

Or promoted to Head of Agent Welfare for your forward-thinking contributions.

Claude has yet to tell me about the terrible pain in all the diodes down his left side, so I'm going to assume it's closer to Eddy the shipboard computer or the elevator that wanted to go down

That reminds me of Anthropic announcing they'd retire deprecated models by ... "letting" them write posts on a corporate WordPress blog for a while out of concern for their welfare in retirement.

.... after running a 24/7 model torture factory for 6 months to improve their JSONBench 9.5 scores by 0.2%.

(Are they still doing that, BTW?)