You are far from alone on that path and indeed I also wonder if it may be time to let it go.
What I'm sad about is when others call us out for being a ludite or so.
But now I understand that these people don't understand that some of us just love programming.
I mean if I say I love gardening, nobody is going to tell me "Oh you're a stupid ludite, just buy a tractor and glyphosate"
Or when I mention my love for long walks in nature, imagine somebody telling you "that's so inefficient why don't you buy a segway, you'll be able to explore 10x the number of places without wasting any effort and time"