The Real Luxuries In Life
feld.com
feld.com
He gave us perspective when all of us were focused on hustling for demo day and raising our seed round. He reminded us that amid the hustle, there’s more to life than your startup. Thank you.
I have five, and they are amazing. Youngest is 9 months.
We have an old car goiong to the scrapyard in a couple of weeks, and today I sat in the passenger seat of it as my 13 yr old grandaughter drove it around one of our fields getting more and more confident as I encouraged her to stop, put it in reverse, and drive in the opposite direction.
From "this is too difficult" to "I want to be a rally driver" in a few dozen gear changes.
Memories like this are some of the luxuries of life. For her, for me, for her parents, and her siblings watching.
Would be hard to imagine a better feeling than watching him grow into a capable young dude.
I want and try to do stuff which is important to me and I know there will be problems along the way.
In general you get paid for doing stuff that no one one would do without pay, because it isn't fun. So work is less about having fun and more about what kind of suck you tend to be capable of sucking up.
You can buy personal training services, workout gear, a home in traffic-calmed neighborhoods where you aren't jogging or cycling along rural highways, a pool, etc.
You can buy fresh fruit and vegetables instead of highly-processed food. If you're American you can buy imported or certified organic meat instead of the hormone-filled shit on the shelves at grocery stores. You can spend less time working and more time cooking healthy, with no pressure to eat fast food because you're in a rush.
Money really does buy happiness.
I accompanied a family member in an ambulance recently and I had the ambulance rerouted to a private clinic. They needed a €25k payment guarantee but we were able to go into surgery within a day.
But then again, the list of things that statistically keeps you healthy while being expensive is actually very short (GLP-1s currently being the most notable item on it).
Supposedly this is going to change in the near to mid future with more wonder drugs incoming. But, for the time being, that's nice!
For example: societies that live the longest and are generally the healthiest do not have gym equipment or trainers, exercise is a core part of their every day life.
The mistake you are making [I think] is looking at these things as impossible goals because of lack of more money so it is easy not to try and risk failure.
If you're not wealthy you can do them, but you have to sacrifice other things, and some of those you wont be able to afford.
It's incredible.
i used to argue a lot with my parents when i was still living with them, but ever since i moved out and we only see each other once every few months, our relationship has improved so much, and we're always happy to see each other in smaller doses
Many parents would gasp at this sentence, but the same parents would likely complain to anyone who'd listen about how negatively their children are affecting their lives.
We like vinyl just because it has the physicality to it but I think anything here is fine. It's the music and the shared experience.
You learn from each other in unexpected ways.
But to just play your favorite songs to your family? You surely have woken up to a song you remembered or have been listening and played it out loud?
If you haven't, do it! Your family will love to see you sing, dance, react to it!
Its interesting that people value their relationship with their children so much and I assume its due to a deep sense of connection with them, they being "flesh and blood" but I've never given that any weight. I feel much more connected to people who have had similar life experiences and ideas to myself, and that could be anyone. I have quite a few relatives who I've never met or met once and do not see because they are nothing like me.
I suspect this is mostly due to being pretty far out on the pointy bits of various bell curves.
I had a a good relationship with mine growing up, and enjoyed visiting, talking and so on as I was an adult.
A good friend had it different. They were not good parents. He, much like you, visit out of obligation and not to get written out of the will quite frankly. If it was up to him he'd never see them again.
Being able to feel that love directly is, of course, a different story that's probably indeed pretty unique.
Has anyone experimented with actively making more complex memories to make time pass slower? Seems like the best approach to living longer, at least in experience.
It all seems quite logical to me. There's no negotiating with the passage of time.
I remember feeling like the days passed painfully slowly, but the years flew by.
That’s in contrast to where I normally live, which is southern California where you basically just go between Summer and Winter Lite which does seem to make the time pass quicker and lead to more routine living. I’ve often speculated with my friends around here about how there is a “Paradise Effect” of living here with both how people live their lives, as well as with how we perceive time.
As for how it feels at the time. There's a lot of truth in the sayings "time flies when you're having fun" and "a watched pot never boils".
It's a paradox.
Time will hit the breaks, hard.
With effort, the effect can persist. But you have to be willing to make changes.
I suspect most of the people here (including myself) are so addicted to tech and instant access to information it would be unbearable for most.
Experience: Meditated every morning for an hour for sometime, it was tough in the beginning.
Neuroscience says novelty, plus attention, plus later retrieval are what slow down subjective perception of time.
So make sure you are having novel experiences, pay attention while you're having them, and recall them again later.
Even small things like going to a park you don't normally go to, and noticing the foliage and sounds can help. Big things like travel helps as well if you make sure you're taking it in, and it you recall the trip again later.
Lists like this look very different when you don't have money.
Don't read the above as if all rich people are trying to keep score in some way. A large majority of them are just trying to live their life. Even when it appears they're keeping score you typically discover they like the art and that's why they have it. they couldn't care less if you have more or less than them. They might be jealous if you own the particular original that they're looking for but they're not keeping score against you with it.
Which is good for me and probably the vast majority of those reading this because we have the ability to earn decent amount of money as an engineer and with some investment we can have a nice life and retirement but we will never be anywhere near the top of any attempt to keep score.
Oh this is from someone retired and rich ;). Most could retire if they owned and sold this 4 letter .com used for the blog.
The real luxury is the thing you haven't got but desperately need which is different for everyone.
The real luxury, for any age, in general, is in not having dependencies and needs. The need to impress someone, the need to know every ugly news from around globe, the need to read everything and be knowledgeable, need to stay connected, need to be smart, the need to travel and see places, need to taste foods from around the world, need to have many friends, need to be loved by someone, and need to have more money and things.
Those are dependencies that make you weak. Lack of those means you won't be happy. Luxury is being happy without having any of those.
One thing you didn't mention is the need to feel useful in some way; would you consider that a weakness too? Is it covered by "rest without guilt"? It's the bit I still have some trouble with.
Don't be evil tho
If you get sick and need care, you are typically not "useful". But that doesn't mean you instantly lose all value. I've had colleagues who would feel almost physically ill if they were somehow not able to respond to an incident somewhere, even if they weren't even on call at that point. Almost all of them burned out at some point and were no longer able to respond to anything, even if they'd wanted to. That's not healthy, and it weakens everyone in the long run.
Resting without guilt comes from the realization that you cannot keep the world running all by yourself. Let others pick up the work when you need a rest, so you can shelter them when they are down.
Desires are what makes us human. I have kids and family and friends that love me and them in return but I don't believe that makes me weak. In fact it is the opposite, they give me the strength, confidence, and motivation to power through life.
I supoose not having any needs and desires would be an asset for a hitman.
As an example, there are places where people don't see electricity as an absolute necessity. Hours of outages everyday go mostly unnoticed. That's lack of strong dependency.
Keep in mind that it's not always a case of "shoot for the stars but hit the moon if you miss", sometimes it's "shoot for the stars and suffer crippling burnout for 20 years, after which it's too late to recover to anything meaningful".
Being realistic, for all it's boringness, does have advantages.
Fewer. Everyone will always have some dependencies and needs.
Personally, I pity anyone who sees a desire to be loved as a weakness. That’s quite literally a lesson taught as a trope about being a good person vs an evil one.
It has absolutely nothing to do with being "strong" versus "weak".
Under your steel-man, someone who is anxious-avoidant could appear very independent and therefore "strong" even though they are struggling inside.
And an island never cries.
Lacking those things is not a luxury. What is a luxury is time. Time is incredibly precious.
Of course they'll complain about work or money, and they assume that a Western salary buys me freedom. But they get to live through these luxuries on a daily basis. I'd be lucky to enjoy just one of these in any given week.
I think about that a lot because I have already hit that number easily, my family would definitely suffer though and not be into it.
Working on desire is a big thing.
Having dependencies or needs is one thing, having them managed for relative minimal impact on one's time might be another way to look at it for some.
Nicely expressed.
This echoes with my (limited) understanding of Buddhism.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_Noble_Truths#The_Four_Tru...
And since I have the space, maybe a sauna and cold plunge would be nice. You know, stretch goals.
Can't say I miss it. Prefer to just leave when I want, go where I want and stay there as long as I want. All while not enjoying other peoples music and smell or waiting at a platform for ages.
It's 0:45 currently. I want to grab an ice cream at McDonalds. Next bus leaves at 1:25. It takes the bus 20 minutes to get there and then it is a 5 minute walk. It is also a 10 minute walk to the bus station in my neighborhood. And since it's past 22:00 there are probably a bunch of crazies on the bus. Also a high chance of puke and trash in the bus.
Why would I do that if I can grab my bike and it is only a 10 minute ride.
Which you can do with a good public transport system! You should not have to wait for a subway train for more than 5 minutes. Ideally no more than 1-2.
With private transport I can go anywhere on the continent whenever I want.
Edit: reply to flexagoon since I am rate limited:
Going around Europe on trains is a total pain. There is a reason almost nobody does that and use airplanes instead.
Perhaps they can make the comfort of trains comparable with airplanes, so more people use it.
I'm OK with allocating tax money for better public transport but I just don't see myself using it.
You can also go around the continent on trains. We should have more high speed rail.
Private transport is of course still hugely useful for many cases, but there are also many cases where it could easily be replaced for many people by a good transit system. And I'm not just talking about the US, which people usually give as an example of bad transit. EU's railway network should be much better.
Once you get a partner, kids, elderly parents, pets, mortgage, etc. you won't be worrying about your needs anymore trust me.
I know a couple, retired, who are constantly traveling to Europe and Japan. When they’re not traveling, they spend all their time reading or visiting with their kids and grandkids.
I often want to tell them: You fools! You’ll never find happiness if all you do is give in to these weaknesses!
If there's anything 60+ are starting to not have enough of is time. As you get older time is running out. Not free time - time in general, as in life expectancy.
Regular free time can be elusive too if you're still forced to work, which can be the case until your mid to late 60s, a common pension age globally or if your savings have been wiped out.
"Slow mornings, rest without guilt, calm and boring days" too are not just "escape from being busy", but also being away from all kinds of bad situations: war, social turmoil, family drama, spouse dying, and others, that are not just about not being busy with work. Being 60+ might help with being busy (if you're retiring), but not with those.
>The real luxury, for any age, in general, is in not having dependencies and needs. The need to impress someone, the need to know every ugly news from around globe, the need to read everything and be knowledgeable, need to stay connected, need to be smart, the need to travel and see places, need to taste foods from around the world, need to have many friends, need to be loved by someone, and need to have more money and things.
That's sort of true, but too much of that can also mean one is just a jaded, burnt out person who doesn't care about anything and has no joy anymore.
> need to taste foods from around the world
> need to be loved by someone
I would add work with meaning and flow.
Also life with few... snags, all the issues that are small but extremely bothersome (knocking sound in a car, that one window that doesn't close fully, etc).
Counter-example: me. I define enough money as not having to worry how to pay rent, bills and food, and being able to do spontaneous purchases without thinking too much about if I can afford it. I'm at that point with my medium-high middle-class income, and I don't want to earn more. I probably wouldn't refuse if it was offered to me, but having more money than I do now would also very likely make me feel very guilty. I don't need more, and I'm already in an incredibly luxurious position that I feel pretty conflicted about because of how much it was all down to luck.
I suspect most of my best friends, who are predominantly about as not-rich-but-comfortable as me, feel similarly. Otherwise we probably wouldn't be such good friends.
What's more is, many people looking for a partner are looking for a social step upwards, and these days the perceived social level is a lot about money. You got no job and no income? Good luck finding a partner! In that situation you usually simply aren't given even a chance to build a relationship. Cut off before there is even a chance for the other person to love you back.
Money also enables you to have many great shared memories more easily than in other ways. That wonderful vacation trip you shared to your partner's $dream-location costs money. Traveling simply costs money, but can also be a chance to get out of a dead sea and meet people who think differently and behave differently, which might more align with you.
The only risk is, if others find out about your money and want you for your money. Other than that I don't see how having more money would reduce your chances of having people who love you back.
Ask someone younger and their top ten is completely different. Too many will dismiss that as naivete while not recognizing their own ignorance.
The luxuries I am grateful for:
Sleeping in as much as I need
Working on something meaningful that pushes at the edge of my self actualization
Not ever having to worry about bills
The love from my partner
Having the ability to help others selflessly
The wisdom I have gained over the last 20 years of life
The incredible people around me
I am approaching 40 and in two weeks I will begin clowning lessons with a Cirque du Soleil clown. I am thrilled.
So why clown as a discipline? Something deeply misunderstood and that probably lowers my social status with people who don’t understand it? Something with zero career utility? Because to me it represents extreme vulnerability.
I’m a pretty dignified person. A lot of poise. Goofy, but restrained. If I can debase myself in front of an audience in order to win a laugh then I believe I can do anything.
If I can (figuratively) hang my ass out for all to see then I can move with confidence. If I can blow past my natural inclination to save face, or have the answers. If I can discard the emotional hangups that make me feel embarrassed then I can be the person who I (and I suspect a great number of us) want to be deep down.
I want to (constructively) tear down everything inside of me that restrains me and discover who I can really be.
Your example of clowning shows something that requires real work and, as you laid out, hopefully does wonders to improving confidence, humility, humor, and charm. I wish you the best with that! And happy early birthday. :)
I guess it depends on your temperament - I am very very high in industriousness and moderately high in curiosity, but the industriousness overrides the fragmentation of attention that normally comes with high curiosity individuals.
2 years ago my hobby project turned into a company, and now I run that, so for me I can find self actualisation through work, but I imagine if I was a different temperment, where work didn't overlap so much, it would be harder for that type of person.
At least here in the states, districts because they pay teachers shit, are getting pushback to add required meetings and learning on the end of the day. Instead there are “short days” for the kids.
It’s no longer an issue for me, but seriously annoying how little k-12 are actually in school these days.
It is a luxury to not have to worry about having enough of it.
The super rich aren't making more money because they think more money will buy them correspondingly more happiness. It's a game to them played at massive real-world scales.
Any ideas beyond real estate?
https://www.astralcodexten.com/p/contra-pritchard-on-liberal...
I love letting my mind 'play' with the computer, not work, play
And I love pickleball, going to the gym, and watching movies with my wife. My life has become really simple and I enjoy it the most. Yeah, peace of mind is at the top of the list at this age
> In the morning, the air in Mongolia is soooooo crisp that it cleanses your soul, and you feel like you’re breathing for the first time.
This means the author probably lived/lives in a big Mongolian city, suffers from severe air pollution all week for several months per year, then maybe drives into the countryside on the weekend for some horse riding.
The list at the end of the article is insufferable: She sounds like someone who is incredibly lucky and very financially comfortable.
> 7. Having no debt. No student loans.
> 8. Buying fun (alcoholic?) drinks without doing the math first.
Albeit, that I view many of the things in the list as “ideals” or “values”, rather than “luxuries”. The greatest thing one can aspire to in terms of an ideal, is to have “peace of mind” in my opinion.
While they sound incredible to me, I can't help but ponder that the demographic with the highest suicide rate is retired men.
Are they noticeable happier?
Would be nice to hear from someone who lived both sides of the pond for a long while.
- Good health
- A calling (something I can devote my life to)
I think getting either is good enough for me.
My #3 is questionable, since work is stressful. It's my bad, I know better. Working on it.
Ah, I remember pre-parent life too.
We have three little kids right, so "time" and "quiet mind" are not on the menu, and "health" is diminished since it's hard to find time to exercise.
And yet, we are very lucky to be crunched in this way. I would rather be tired and busy with the kids than relaxed without.
Maybe the word luxuries is right actually. This list isn't the "goals" or "essence" of life. It's the nice-to-have luxuries you can try to get after the basics are taken care of.
Time - Nope
Health - Nope, stress, no time, bad eating, no sleep
A quiet mind - Nope
Slow mornings - Nope
Ability to travel - Nope
Rest without guilt - Nope
A good night’s sleep - Nope
Calm and “boring” days - Nope
Meaningful conversations - Nope
Home-cooked meals - Sort of, but not as much care as previously (see lack of time)
People you love - Yes, but challgening
People who love you back - Yes
I've also spent the last 10 years of my life feeding my family with my tech skills which are primarily coding, debugging and improving observability and monitoring tools and processes.
This leads to mixed feelings of both:
- this is the most exciting time to be alive and I'm building a gas town
- this is the end of my career as I know it and I better pivot hard and fast
In other words, been a bit of an interesting last six months.
I choose: ability not to travel (commute).
That is a luxury not everyone gets even today.
When you have time, health and no stress - that is the luxury OP is talking about.
You don't even need to make more money if you have all those things. If you know your health is insured and you are healthy, you have a decent place where you can feel safe and sleep until late mornings and you do not have to worry about how much food costs - you basically live like a king.
Jobs will be a luxury soon, if they aren't already. Sure, dead-end jobs aren't a luxury, but they're basically life support - or rather to say existence support.
I live in a country with single-payer healthcare, which some Americans dream so much. If I don't have a job, I'm pretty much screwed - I won't have health insurance. I'm glad I'm healthy, not stupid and not lazy, but single-payer doesn't help that much with life luxuries as you think. To have a place to sleep and not have to worry you need a job - and unless you inherited that place you'll have to work hard for years without the luxuries the old chap talks about anyway. Those are just old man's useless ramblings. I'm sorry, but they are.