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What about using mouse velocity? If the mouse is changing position at a certain rate, don't show the tooltips.

i only show tooltips if you wiggle the mouse cursor over an element

On a Catholic church site I designed you have to do the cross pattern with your mouse and say 3 Hail Marys to see the tooltip.

There is no contact form. Only a Confession Textarea

At least the cookie popup comes with wine

Hold up, we've got to remember our recursive acronyms here: "WINE Is Not a Eucharist".