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Comment by jaggederest | Hacker News Reader

To give other maturation advice to those not yet in their 40s:

It's quite likely that you have significant issues you haven't addressed yet. Getting into good medical care, therapy, exercise, and supportive e.g. nutrition, etc is likely more important than virtually anything else you'll do in your life, with a reasonable exception for choosing the right person to spend your life with and having a family. But having a good social life is a hell of a lot easier if you're in great physical and mental shape. I took all of those things very seriously, and I probably did not put enough value into any of those things, even given that orientation.

That leads right into: The only thing you can truly exert control over is yourself, and it's quite likely that nearly all of your problems are the result of your choices, either indirectly through the environment you live in or directly through the actions you take. Humility is drastically underrated, and being healthy plays into this enormously as well.

That being said, I'd love to hear a perspective from some of the older HN folks - what am I missing as a mid-40s person that I should absolutely be paying attention to?

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The first thing that came to mind for me is that this perspective, while probably in the range of normal experience for software developers, is rooted in middle class expectations.

I have ADHD and OCD and grew up in total poverty and violent child abuse in a rural area with no economic opportunity, and was homeless from 16 to my early 20s.

While hindsight makes clear many of my own errors and shortcomings, a lot of the residual issues I face today, some of those shortcomings included, are the result of neglectful, ignorant or malicious choices from the adults in my early life. I have several physical health issues that were not addressed when they should have been, including lifelong gout and very likely fibromyalgia. I had a full-ride scholarship and campus job and lodging lined up that I worked very hard for in high school despite being homeless, and a malicious teacher illegally modified my grade out of spite to prevent me from graduating with the required credits. The administration did nothing and I had no family in my life to help me pressure the school board or file a lawsuit.

I also faced a gross mistrial after having a small town officer literally plant marijuana on me after a traffic accident, and the judge illegally sentenced me despite a total lack of evidence, and my defense attorney was corrupt and refused to submit a motion to quash or let me appeal the decision because "the judge is my boss and he will make my life hell." Six months jailtime for a first time criminal offense for a homeless seventeen year old. My whole life so far has been playing catch-up.

Your advice probably wasn't meant for me, but you were interested in hearing other perspectives so I figured you'd be interested to hear mine. I always find it interesting when casual conversation with other engineers reveals the gaps between our experiences and expectations. Lots of interesting and unique paths through our unique profession.

Honestly I think it's even more important for people with tough childhoods and bad breaks to focus on taking care of themselves. I regret that, in the US at least, the safety net is nonexistent and makes that almost impossible, as you say. I hope you find a little peace and maybe some upward momentum.

I agree, and I think it's important advice that really does need to be drilled into people. Even if medical care is out of reach for some, we do have the internet and now even personal agents who can help teach us good habits and hold us accountable.

Things like good posture, exercise, and eating non-processed foods are within reach for the majority of us; and for those whose issues make exercise difficult, it's only even more important to try and double down if at all possible and close the gap.

Sleep should also be a top priority. I have had chronic insomnia since I was a toddler, sometimes staying up for days at a time unable to sleep, and honestly lack of sleep is destroying my mind and body faster than anything else. It's preventing me from maintaining a healthy weight, since fat burning is heavily impacted by irregular sleep.

I have tried everything under the sun, most recently I am re-experimenting with magnesium in the form of magnesium l-threonate because my magnesium deficiency might actually be causing me to have a very high "gain" in my CNS, meaning the smallest things wake me up or get me excited. It's still too early to rule out coincidence or placebo, but I think I'm noticing several differences since being on magnesium l-threonate, including better sleep.

Point being, leave no stone unturned when it comes to your health. Sometimes the solutions to complex issues might themselves be quite simple.

Thank you for your perseverance. We need testimonials like this to remind that our life isn't hard compared to this; And yet you have surprisingly chosen peace so far (congrats, and thank you).

I appreciate your kind words. It also helps for me to remind myself how much worse things could be.

I'm in a lot of pain all of the time, and recently, thanks to an abusive family member, I experienced an absolutely devastating life event that might completely derail my life, leave me with a permanent disability and end my career, but I'm keeping my chin up and counting my limbs and senses. Eyes on the prize. I am driven to succeed so that I might help the less fortunate. I think any of us in a position to do so have a duty to do so.

Hey I just want you to know I see you. Good luck in your life even if it started hard.

<3 I wish you the best as well. I hope things are working out.

> fibromyalgia

My friend has a diagnosis and has a prescription for Amitriptyline.

While that works, getting exercise also works wonders.

I have seen it backfire when she did too much, but exercising well within your capabilities - on 30% of the maximum force you can exert - can greatly reduce the symptoms.

This is a journey for sure, finding out what your body can handle, but it's worth it in the end.

Have patience with your body.

In your 20s and 30s, it's relatively easy to brute-force physical and mental health problems.

I didn't understand what the word "stress" even meant exactly until I got into my late 30s. Then I realized that I had been under extreme stress for most of my life but had not noticed it because I could just keep going despite constant exhaustion and borderline depression. Then, that suddenly stopped working.

I wish I'd realized this a decade or two earlier.

What cultural values does this wisdom and advice implicitly engender? That question bothers me a lot.

For some reason it strikes me that we don't think of a potato plant as needing life lessons. I doubt anyone here has moral compunctions about leaf structure or starch formation. People seem much the same way to me. Another part of me does instinctively model the inner world of people as small deviations from my own. Other parts of me think that is quaint.

It appears to me that the sense of clairty imparted by wisdom often looks like mere rigidity when seen from the outside. I have little doubt that your particular wisdom has been hard-earned, and at the same time, I think it is hopelessly myopic. The thing that gets me is that this also almost surely applies to my own wisdom, which is why I distrust them implicitly.

I think the world is so vast and our exposure so limited such that any Life Wisdom is hopelessly doomed to be a horrible overfit on the particulars of an individual.

Keep growing your idiosyncratic leaves though. I also genuinely think they're beautiful.

A wise person is naturally less anxious. Lots of people are anxious and dislike it so cultivating their inner life could help them with that. Most people prefer to not go that route, it is optional. Nobody is demanding you to grow wise or even that you would be capable of.

But as we grow old, not achieving some things we thought would be easier when we were young can cause frustration. Wisdom helps dealing with that.

I am mid 40s. Started working at a hyper scaler a couple years ago. I think you are overthinking it. All there is, is to be present and focus on what is important. And no one else can tell you what is important, you already know. Spend your time wisely with your family or on things that matter to you and not on trivial pursuit. There are no secrets in this. It is largely what you define.

When you ask this question of others, you are asking what am I forgetting? What will I regret? They can’t tell you. They can tell you what they regretted it and maybe you will regret those same things they did. But you have to decide. In 10 years. In 20 years. All you have to do is ask your future self what you’re gonna regret that you didn’t do. I had found that we already know the answers to those things.

E: think of it this way. And you don’t have to have a dog for these questions to work they’re metaphorical really, but also physical if you do have a dog. Did you walk your dog? Did you play ball with it? If they die tomorrow, will you look back and say that today was good? Did you do everything you could do with your dog? If not go do those things right now don’t leave them undone. That’s all there is. And the same thing works with everything in life. You know what you should’ve done in the day. If you do those things in 10 or 20 years, you won’t look back and say I wish I would’ve done those things cause you’ve done them.

> When you ask this question of others, you are asking what am I forgetting? What will I regret? They can’t tell you.

In one sense yes, but in another sense... humans are just so much alike. You can a learn a ton from your elders' common mistakes. Especially the ones where there's broad agreement. You're probably not an exception.

To use your dog metaphor (which I like), would you tell a dog looking for advice (if you could magically communicate with it) to just present and focus on the moment and he'll know what to do. Nah, we know a dog needs lots of walks, to be around other dogs, to eat the right foods, and so on.

The two approaches aren't mutually exclusive, but the practical one is... practical.

We do have metacognition and should use. It isn’t like we should go off the rails and become fully hedonic to “live in the moment” for example, we need some guiding principles . And when you are younger it can be really hard to know what is right. How to deal with purpose, and friends, and significant others, and all of the pain of the human condition. How do you figure it all out?

You don’t have to. Not all at once, anyway. You have enough information to make the right choices every day and learn more. We will always make mistakes, but if we acted with our best knowledge and fulfilled what we thought were the best choices in a given say you won’t have to regret the mistakes. That was kind of my whole point :)

And yes, always improve, and learn philosophy, and take care of your body and people around you. But at some point it all becomes obvious I think. At 46 it is all obvious for me now.

> I am mid 40s. Started working at a hyper scaler a couple years ago. I think you are overthinking it.

What does working at a hyper scaler have to do with the rest of the post? Do you want to mention your total comp or height while you’re at it?

I mean clearly it's what matters to them and not a trivial pursuit;)

To me that phrase added useful context how to treat the advice...

I’m pretty tall. I find that mostly beneficial except for walking into things. I also don’t fit well in Miata and some convertibles and other small cars, which is a bit of a problem on occasion.

I was going to add more, but I kind of forgot. My post was a bit stream of consciousness about overthinking things, which I may have over over thought. Oh well. I’m kidding sort of. I was going to say that I see a lot of overthinking all over the place at work. Complex environments often lead people to assume that a complex solution is needed. Some of the time the complexity is unavoidable. Most of the time the complexity is avoidable. Our individual lives and affairs are no different.

> If you do those things in 10 or 20 years, you won’t look back and say I wish I would’ve done those things cause you’ve done them.

My whole point is that you can't know that if your mind is clouded by ill health and ignorance - your predictions about what you'll regret are wrong, just as the decisions about what is important are wrong. Digging yourself out of that "what I think is important in this moment is important" mindset is a big part of it.

There are some things you cannot easily come back from - or at all - later in life eg poor health decisions, bad finances, not having children.

I was expecting you to actually say stuff you couldn't come back from, but all of those are recoverable in your 30s and 40s if you're a bit more flexible. It's never too late if you want those things, quite literally.

There actually is a point where you cannot have children anymore. You actually can wait too long and im not sure why everyone pretends its impossible.

It is actually possible to build a family and have children in other ways than biologically birth your own. I'm not sure why people pretend like this is less like "having children" than other options out there.

Poor health decisions are essentially permanent. That's precisely what I was trying to say. You can certainly recover from them, and do a lot better, but it's a hell of a lot easier and less painful just to prevent them in the first place, and repair is no substitute for the original article, as people with knee replacements well know.

I'm much younger and I already have health issues that I can't come back from. I've received a lot of chemotherapy, and I have permanent damage from that. All I can do going forward is mitigate, but the risk is still there and won't ever go away. Of course it's not my fault. But the point is: yes, your health is something you can't control 100%. There are points of no return.

For most people, the common one is heart disease. Plaque buildup is irreversible. No amount of dieting, exercise, or pharmacology will reverse damage to your arteries. All you can do is prevent further damage, and yes, you will need drugs.

> yes, your health is something you can't control 100%.

Yeah, I guess this was more my point, you don't ultimately control that much about your health (is my perspective at least), you either win the genetic lottery or not, play the hand you're dealt, enjoy life while it last, in the way you can, some of us can only enjoy it so much compared to the rest of you.

> If they die tomorrow, will you look back and say that today was good? Did you do everything you could do with your dog? If not go do those things right now don’t leave them undone

Sorry, life doesn't work that way. You are essentially saying, screw long-term planning, do right here right now what's best at this moment. If everybody did that, they'd be broke latest a year from now. Thereare things that I do, quite regularly, that I wouldn't do if this was the last day of my life. But I have to assume it is not, otherwise my life would collapse and I would pretty quickly be very restricted in what I could do in my life.

I think that you will fully misinterpreted what I wrote. Sorry maybe that is not fair. Assuming good intent. Let me expand what I was thinking: You should still do long-term planning and use that to decide how you will stay present. Nothing I wrote precludes you from doing long-term planning and incorporating that in your day-to-day living and staying present. I am not suggesting that you turn into a hedonistic animal that cannot think beyond two days into the future. I am saying that once you know what you should be doing you should be doing those things without question as they are the things you decided we’re right. That can be long-term and short-term.

> I am saying that once you know what you should be doing you should be doing those things without question as they are the things you decided we’re right.

Thanks for the clarification.

Though I still don't agree. Of course you should question sometimes. Regular reflection is important to realize whether your plans are still the right course of action. Otherwise you'll never course correct.

I don't think we disagree. I'm just outlining a narrow aspect of how I like to operate. I meditate and spend a lot of time thinking about philosophy and neuroscience and cognition. It is a very introspective and contemplative practice. I don't ever assume that I have it all figured out, but I do always make sure that I have a plan for the day and that I just stay focused on that. And there are a lot of easier to sort things. Time with family, time with dogs, work, so on and so forth. It is not like I assume that I have figured it all out. I also get feedback from others that I trust as they understand how I work, etc. I have been meditating for over a decade, so I'm pretty good at shutting down the self-narrative and just being. It makes a lot of things more clear when all of the noise is turned off. What I do want is at the end of the day, after all of the alignment and processing, that I know what I wanted to accomplish in the day, and that I did those things, and that those were the right things to do that day. Maybe I course correct the next day, or even during the day, but I set out with a clear intention of what I want to have accomplished in the day. And that is rooted by breaking down a multi-year plan into month, week, and day blocks even. It isn't rigid. If I need to change it, I will. But plans are always worth having, even if they have to course correct, as nothing ever stays quite how you want once it reaches contact with reality.

> Getting into good medical care, therapy, exercise,

These are very different classes of things. Good medical care, of course, if there is a problem, get it fixed by somebody who knows what they are doing. Good exercise, of course, get your physique in shape, for well being, for health and for confidence. But therapy? If there is a problem and therapy is treatment, of course. But where does this desire in the western world come from to just by default having to go to some kind of psychotherapy? I refuse to believe that a happy life requires therapy. If it ain't broken etc.

> it's quite likely that nearly all of your problems are the result of your choices

That's a position that must be deeply rooted in privilege. There are countless folks out there who don't have it easy because of conditions they didn't create, and saying it's because of their own choices is extremely ignorant, maybe even arrogant. Many could, theoretically, so sth about it, at least improve their situation marginally, but it would require extreme steps which they are just not able to take. It too simplistic to dump it all on the "well it was their choice". No need to blindly victimize folks, but the other extreme is just not helpful either.

> But therapy? If there is a problem and therapy is treatment, of course. But where does this desire in the western world come from to just by default having to go to some kind of psychotherapy?

I suspect you're exactly the kind of person I'm talking to when I say therapy is a valuable thing for everyone. You will experience stressors, grief, loss, and strife in your life, being psychologically healthy and having your coping skills in order is absolutely something you want to do in advance, and is something everyday people can and should do before they actively have any specific disorder or problem.

It's one thing to say therapy is helpful. It's another thing to say it's just what you need to get over yourself in life. I have friends that cannot just "be psychologically healthy". They had sexual abuse and emotional abuse for decades of their early life. Every would-be friend betrayed them. They have too many illnesses and disorders to count. They're disabled, unimaginably neurodivergent, and impossibly complex. Therapy is not the solution to this. This is not as simple as "being psychologically healthy". Life for people in these sorts of situations is a life of such difficult tradeoffs that there simply is no right answer. Everything they do just digs them deeper into some hole, even if it was supposed to get them help. I did encourage one to try therapy, but the therapist spilled everything from their sessions to abusers. Their living situation became measurably worse and has not improved since. It is not their fault. They've been emotionally beaten to a pulp, and it's not their choices that brought them here. They arrived here by process of elimination, where everything else they've ever tried was met with extreme punishment. External assistance is often the only possible out for them. Not external assistance from a professional or therapist. External assistance from someone who knows them and their situation better than anyone else ever could, who's seen too much of their life day-in and day-out for years. You can't select for that. You can't even hope for that. You certainly can't choose that.

To think one's own choices can impact matters like this is such a disgusting level of privilege I can't even imagine. There are too many people that can't simply choose to escape their situation, and it's not their own fault. It's not something you can fix by sprinkling on a little therapy or some self-help books. It's something they'll be fighting for the rest of their entire life, whether they escape or not. You can't just choose to be free of that. No one can.

> You will experience stressors, grief, loss, and strife in your life

Definitely. Doesn't mean the only way out is therapy.

I believe everyone can benefit from therapy, just like everyone can benefit from physical therapy. The "if it ain't broke" mentality has value, but it has a fatal flaw: most people are unbelievably bad at gauging their own deficiencies. Most destructive patterns of behavior are fueled by an inability to recognize them. Meaning, the people who most need therapy are often the ones to also believe they do not need it. Because, having such a belief is what allows them to engage in self-destruction in the first place. People who are self-aware and introspective are already in therapy, or at least recognize it can benefit them.

That's not to say therapy is universally good. There are bad therapists. But ultimately the point of therapy is to encourage introspection, and defeat ignorance of the self. Ignorance of the self is a vital tool to people because it allows them to believe just about anything. Problems no longer exist, in your mind, if you cannot identify them.

But the proof is in the pudding. You have to analyze your behaviors, your relationships. If things are constantly going south, that's a sign even if you can't identify why. That's when therapy has value, it can help you identify why.

You have a point above in which I acknowledge that some people might be in dire eed of therapy but don't think so, so will never seek it. Though you won't reach those by recommending it to everybody. In contrast, I consider it problematic that the self-improvement movement instills feelings of being insufficient unless everything is tried to improve (like therapy). I would claim that there are enough people perfectly happy and introspective, all without therapy, and creating a culture where it's seen as a flaw to not have regular therapy is hurtful.

> People who are self-aware and introspective are already in therapy, or at least recognize it can benefit them.

I don't agree. I know tons of folks who are introspective and very balanced and ever have been to therapy nor do they have the need.

> just like everyone can benefit from physical therapy.

I wouldn't agree here either. Everybody arguably benefits from physical exercise. That's different from physical therapy. The former is sth preventative, you can do yourself, no personal trainer needed, just go for a run or play some squash or push some weights. Physical therapy you need when you had an injury or need to correct an issue limiting your health. That's corrective, not preventative.

Similar with mental exercise (some introspection or meditation or philosophising you can do alone or with friends or strangers on the internet, or with a therapist/professional, why not) versus mental therapy (an issue needs to be addressed and that should be done with a professional).

A key question is maybe whether the risk of an undiagnosed issue left untreated is too high to take. That's where the self-improvement movement is going to far, I think. We all have our wrinkles, and that's ok. Not every personality quirk needs correction, just like not all odd movement pattern needs a fix nor ever wrinkle in the face needs plastic surgery. The latter has been driven much too far in western culture (particularly american), and I'm basically arguing that the same seems to be happening with mental therapy too.

I believe therapy is not just for mental health issues, just like physical therapy is not just for post-surgery or what have you. Even if you have zero mental health issues, it can help cope with grief, stress, self-destructive behaviors, executive function, and more.

I feel similarly to physical therapy. Even if you work out, physical therapy can introduce you to new ways to optimize your body that you would never know about. And it's specific to you and your body.

I also agree not every personality quirk needs correction, nor is the goal of therapy correction. It's management. We all have things in our head that we are constantly managing, and we have to manage it if we want to be successful and maintain our relationships. Therapy helps finding out new management strategies, specific to you and how your mind tends to work.

> new ways to optimize your body

That's the key point here: Why does everything about the body (physical or mental) need to be optimized?

If that's your kink, go for it. But acknowledge that not having that kink is fine too.

> That's a position that must be deeply rooted in privilege

Yes, it is. They are speaking to the people who read comments on HN.

A bit of financial acumen goes a long way over the long term.

Anything that compounds is better off started early.

It's not about the money at the high level, but relative comfort frees you up to be your best self.

Or so I'm told.

I “retired” at 55. The scare quotes, are because I didn’t have a choice. No one wanted to hire me.

Back in the 1980s, when I was just getting started, I was told to save everything I could.

I thought it was silly advice, but I took it, starting in 1990, when I started my final job, which lasted until 2017.

Good thing, too.

I’m not rich, but I was able to retire, and it’s one of the best things that ever happened to me (although I didn’t think so, at the time).

I have enough to afford decent tools, and work hard, every single day, on stuff I always wanted to, but my management never let me.

I did quite the opposite.

Ignored all the sage advice, lived a rather tumultuous life, but lived it fast.

Diagnosed ADHD at 45 was a bit of an aha moment!

So I'm stuck on the treadmill for quite a few years yet.

Envious of where you've ended up, but imagine the path there wasn't easy.

All the best with retirement!

I've lived pretty humbly. I think many folks, here, would sneer at my lifestyle (sneering at others, seems to be in fashion, these days), but it allowed me to be where I am, today. Also, I never really made a huge amount of money. There's kids coming right out of school, that are starting at more than I ever made, at the peak of my career.

That can't afford a house.

Crazy times.

This is the key in my opinion, and the most difficult to discuss with others without them getting defensive. You have to look at every dollar you spend. For me, debt and inflation have the potential turn my dreams to nightmares.

Yup. A very wealthy friend of mine tells me that the key is avoiding personal debt (and being careful about corporate debt, too).

When I got married, I had a lot of credit card debt, and I had to use most of our wedding gift money to nullify it.

It was humiliating, and I vowed never to carry a balance again, and to avoid any form of debt, if at all possible.

WFM YMMMV

I “retired” at 55 when I was laid off. The biggest reason I didn't find another job is that my spouse was working at a job that she loved. For the previous decades my career and our two children were our priority by necessity, but now she was able to concentrate on herself. I'm 70 now and my wife worked until the day she died last year.

I am sorry to hear that, but you had a good life together (I assume).

I plan to “work”, until I croak. The coroner is gonna have to rub “QWERTY” off my cheek.

The difference is that no one is paying me, and that makes all the difference. When someone pays me, they pay for veto rights, and the right to impose their stupid on me.

Having enough, so I don’t have to deal with that, is heaven.

Early 40s here. I really wish I had started weightlifting 20 years ago.

Heh... i wish i'd go for anything other than boxing 20 years ago.

Anyways, yes, weightlifting + something active (tennis, football, etc) is the way to go.

But weightlifting first. It is the only hralth-related hobby that teaches honest body control: muscle, gaining/losing weight, dieting basics, monitoring key body parameters over time.

This. I (41) joined a gym last year. Did wonders for my physical and mental health.

As you get older you need more and more protein to build muscles. I need to get 150 grams of protein per day. That is difficult.

And you need more recovery time.

I have friends who never went to the gym. They develop more back issues.

Mid 50s here - you can start at any point. Can confirm.

The past is in the past. It had good and bad outcomes for you. Those stand, and you're best served by making your peace with them. All that matters are the decisions you make now.

Mounjaro, TRT, Lexapro, statins if you need them, and much less alcohol.

I am 54 and my response to your 40s insight is, "Amen".

> That leads right into: The only thing you can truly exert control over is yourself,

I don't see a disinction here between 'yourself' and 'the environment/world'. Both affect you, and you can/cannot control both. And the logical solution is to try (when it is worth it and not to try when it isn't).

Great advice in this thread.

My add: max out you 401k contributions if you haven't already. It's the single most important financial decision most of us will (hopefully) make.

I'm in my 40s.

>it's quite likely that nearly all of your problems are the result of your choices, either indirectly through the environment you live in or directly through the actions you take

This is a horrible thing to say, and I wouldn't go around saying stuff like that if you value your safety. Its probably true if you're a white guy with a average intelligence who was raised in the suburbs by loving family with a silver spoon in your mouth. However, the rest of us didn't choose to be born into poverty and family violence; we didn't choose to spend our formative years be assaulted, hungry, groomed, and abused; we didn't choose to be subjected to systemic problems, racism, sexism, and institutional abuse.

What you're basically doing is telling someone who was born with multiple sclerosis "the reason you have trouble walking is due to your choices."

That being said, this isn't a fatalistic post. I think everyone can and should make choices to make the best of what they have. I've been trying for 4+ decades. I spend thousands of dollars a year on therapy and medication trying to move on. I've personally witnessed the effects of bad decisions and I have the cognitive capabilities to see cause and effect so I won't be making the same choices for myself.

It's just a straight up fact that my suffering is not due to my own choices. I did not ask for this.

Some people have to work a thousand times harder than someone else for 1/1000th the payoff due to their starting point. That's just life. But that doesn't reduce the impact your choices have on your own life. With a few extreme exceptions you can choose to change your environment. It's just varying degrees of terrifying/uncomfortable/dangerous.

That still does not imply that ">it's quite likely that nearly all of your problems are the result of your choices, either indirectly through the environment you live in or directly through the actions you take".

You changing your environment to void problems plenty of times means "abandoning your kids".

You may even have greates starting point ever and still have externally imposed diseases, injuries and problems.

> It's just a straight up fact that my suffering is not due to my own choices. I did not ask for this.

I would reframe this, in my view, that your suffering is not due to your own choices, but you are probably suffering a lot less than you might otherwise, due to good choices. That's what I mean - you can't control your situation or the world around you, but you can do the best with what you have, and in my view many people have never been given permission to do that.

Don't move the goalposts, dude.

I'm not taking advice from someone who says "it's quite likely that nearly all of your problems are the result of your choices, either indirectly through the environment you live in or directly through the actions you take." So stop giving it.

Here's my advice, saying stuff like that gets you your ass kicked in the real world.

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