Anton Chekhov played at love most of his life
commonreader.wustl.edu
commonreader.wustl.edu
"The crowd greedily reads confessions, memoirs, etc., because in its baseness it rejoices at the humiliation of the high, the weaknesses of the mighty. At the discovery of every vice it is in raptures: 'He is small like us, he is vile like us!' You lie, you scoundrels! He may be small and vile—but not like you—differently!"
Also life is messy:
“You know how you’re always trying to get things to come out perfect in art because it’s real difficult in life"
Woody Allen in Annie Hall
It is more like, "If no human before me has encountered it and thought it worth writing down, I, another human, don't want to take chances with reading it".
Alvy Singer: Boy, if life were only like this!
(Hosting hundreds of WordPress sites at scale has its challenges).
Also, communist-era science fiction in the accursed language reads much better than anything written in English in the same period (and beyond), if only for the fact that it doesn't suffer from the apocalyptic framing and general doom and gloom. Also, whoever posted the starfish here a few weeks ago, thanks, I wish I could unread it.
I'd argue that this is one of the better gifts life has given me, don't be too harsh on yourself.