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This belongs in a dystopian cyberpunk RPG, not reality.

Cyberpunk of the 80's is the reality of the past couple decades, minus the flying cars and other decorations.

We're in a dystopian cyberpunk RPG with crocodile concentration camps, AI based genocide and climate collapse.

As long as I get an enhanced pet biscuit for my cat...

The surest sign that we have inhabited absurdity itself is that philosophers now command jaw-dropping salaries and receive stock options.