Now I’m imagining the horrible 19th-century style psychological torture where they take some Victorian orphan—an infant tucked away with a tattered stuffed animal, confined to a cheap facsimile of a domestic home within the corridors of a dank sanitarium full of tuberculosis, leprosy, the clinically insane, and floors of hysterical women receiving lobotomies—and they raise that child from birth to do nothing else but write Bash scripts.

Some would call it “cruel”, and I do admit: Bash can be a frustrating language...but these are the unspeakable things we do in the name of progress.