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You aren’t missing anything. There isn’t an actual argument, this is strictly an attempt at regulatory capture.

You wouldn't distill billions of dollars of SoftBank investment.

Is "You wouldn't distill..." the hot new Twitter meme or something?

It's a riff on the classic MPAA slogan during the Napster / BitTorrent era, "You wouldn't download a car."

... Yes I would.

It's free real estate.

That was not actually the ad, that was "You wouldn't steal a car. [...] Downloading Pirated Movies is stealing. [...] Piracy it's a crime."

Easily misremembered and meme-able.

The “misrememberance” is describing what the words actually communicated. It’s not incorrect, it’s pointing out the logical flaw in the claim.