Comment by esseph | Hacker News Reader

Comment by esseph | Hacker News Reader

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> "Why say honest? We're talking to our coworkers. We would always be honest."

I grew up in the US South where starting or ending a sentence with "honest/honestly" was very common.

Because of behavioral / cultural norms, you might be very openly friendly with big smiles around a business customer that really grates on your nerves, or very openly nice to a neighbor that you really wish would move away and take their 3am welding and grinding in their garage with them.

Saying "honest/honestly" was seen as a "inside baseball" situation, where you were dropping social pretenses to tell someone your true opinion on a person or situation or whatever.

This also gets used inside companies between senior staff / management / directors / etc, as: "Okay, company politics and nonsense aside, I am being vulnerable here for a second and telling you what I really think about a $thing at potentially great job/advancement risk to myself".

Can it be meaningless? Yes.

Can the person say "honestly" and lie? Yes.

It has uses.

I recall having a conversation with someone many moons ago. They asked me a very weighty and significant question, and I answered it. Then they asked me to "promise". This was really thought-provoking for me.

To this day, it's the only part I remember. I told them I would not promise, as everything I said was true. Making a specific promise would create an implication that I'm generally untruthful, unless I "promise".

I like the reason why you refused!

I also could understand when a response hits someone like a ton of bricks, especially if their primal reaction is to go into denial mode. They might be looking for someone to kind of shake them and emphatically repeat the information they aren't thrilled about receiving. (or are thrilled about receiving! “Don’t get my hopes up, you’re serious right now?!“) And I imagine your response suited the purpose.

It’s classic you only remember the thought-provoking part. Reminded of “…people will remember how you made them feel…“

If I’m having a convo with someone and they drop in “honestly” I immediately discount everything else they’ve said, and what follows.

Sometimes people use it reflexively and doesn’t carry the same meaning (for me).

Yes. Its a red flag that indicates everything else you’ve said is not honest by implication.

This is expected in any level of people management, you are constantly balancing conflicting desires and priorities.

I'd push back on the idea that "honestly" implies previous statements to be dishonest. Particularly in corporate contexts it implies that the previous statements were sanitised - either they were moderated in tone to match corporate communication standards, or they were partial redacted due to disclosure concerns.

Once the "honestly" is deployed, you have passed into my circle of trust, and are now privy to the pure, unvarnished version of events, not the glossy version management expects to be projected towards outsiders.

This reaction is surprising to me because the previous comments about its utility seem so obvious to me. I also grew up in the US south where this is often used as a filler word. The other use I observe is as a cushion for a statement that may be unwelcome or hurtful. Perhaps this is proprtional to the frequency of courteous little white lies and rhetoric that uses disengenuity for emphasis or comical effect.

"Honestly, mom, I've never liked your fruitcake. I just ate it to make you happy."

"That's why you're my favorite child! Do you want another piece?"

"I'd love one."

There's a difference between how you describe using "honestly" and how claude seems to prefer tokens like "honest" and "load-bearing." An example from some coworkers attempting to replace product managers with Claude.

> Deliberately avoid a heavyweight "alert governance" process; the lightest recurring check that keeps FP-rate honest is the right dose.

And one for load bearing:

> Five open questions still stand; the load-bearing two are the runbook-AC contradiction (ratify "high-priority set only") and pinning the "high-priority set" definition + SLO source-of-truth before Milestone 3 (small-sample noise on a low-traffic fleet).

This style of prose sets my teeth on edge and practically gives me PTSD I see so much of it. I prefer code but I get paid to read this shit instead now.

I want to say "ok, and now say that in a way that doesn't sound totally bizarre" yet instead I sigh and continue.

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