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I wonder if this could all be solved if doors are triangles instead of quadrilaterals.

Or round, like the hobbits do

You lough, but the cork always plugs the bottle eventually. Cone shaped round doors with cork on the rim.

Leather with a drawstring, like a purse. Never needs oil, and my granny knots will keep the lock-picking lawyer out longer than your yale.

You guys have doors?