SoftBank 2026 AGM [pdf]

I love how in the slide with "It was the goose that created value", the goose has its wings raised. The goose is ... triumphant. Ascendant. Its arc is complete: after being valued at $0, the goose is recognized for the inexhaustible source of value it is. The goose is vindicated.

And finally, in the denouement, we see the goose in serene repose. "It is the Goose itself," we are told, in bold, confident lettering. This is what matters. Not the eggs.

I hope lasagnacat can come back, do a special on this, and hire John Barrymore for the narration, as a spiritual sequel to their Pipe Strip video (https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=NAh9oLs67Cw).

Back in 2014, Son also gave me a good laugh with a slide comparing:

> Von Neumann computer: powered by programming vs. Personal robot: powered by family happiness. https://i.gzn.jp/img/2014/06/05/softbank-conference/snap3014...

His sense of humor has only reached new heights since then.

If your reaction is 'What the Hell is this?', read this for background:

* https://reuters.com/business/media-telecom/talk-bubble-is-an...

Then notice that the metal construction robot needs toe protectors on its boots.

Then notice that the slides have small print.

Here's the talk that went along with this deck (for those who would prefer not immediately jumping to ridicule): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DtM0Cjb0dEU

Pure trolling as a strategy...

Golden quotes:

"It was the goose that created value: 74 - 3 = 71"[0]

"Golden Egg factory inside the goose"[1]

0: see page 49

1: see page 55

This makes me feel like a spend too much time on slides for my rinky dink enterprise software feature projects.

The only thing I got from the presentation is that I still underrate geese, gotta put some respect on their feathered name.

Original approach for their annual shareholder decks. I liek that.

Surreal

So like, this is one of those Spherical Cows in physics, where the theory ignores everything about the externalities and focuses just on some random equation in physics. Just like the idea that we could mine asteroids for $quadrillions$ so we should invest in asteroid mining.

For AGI, the only way it's actually profitable is if you're a sociopath who uses it for enslavement of the human race; just like the valuations of AI assume _everyone_ would be the "total addressable market". Just pure psychopathy with no reason.

When slop meets stock photos

what the fuck is this lmao