Remember that apple sells millions of these things and we are <200 commenters on a website filled with edge case power users.

Odds are that a good amount of buyers either don't care or haven't noticed the problem. It's not kicking their customers in the nuts. They poorly structured the evaluation method to set a threshold for repair and are having to backtrack and fix an expensive quality control mistake.

They're not kicking me in the nuts. They're a company of humans that has to deal with a problem in a way that satisfies their suppliers, shareholders, and engineers. I've found greater success in approaching problems like this with rationality. With lots of noise, maybe the test will change (only 30 seconds on the grey screen will make a metric shit-ton of the units qualify for replacement).