Go to your professor's office hours, learn the names of your neighbors, become a regular at the local sandwich shop and shoot the breeze with staff, ask the people you're waiting in line alongside if they have any good jokes.
Don't be fooled that social media and conspicuous consumption are the best paths to community.
The last thing I want to do when out in public is be stuck talking with strangers.
You don't do it because you like it. You do it because if you don't, then you'll be worse off years later.
This feels hyperbolic. While I would agree that community and remaining connected are very important to overall health, I don’t feel like making a habit of talking to strangers is a prerequisite.
But if you practise that skill, you will then also be able to pick up a conversation with people you do find interesting.
In my experience, it is not.
I'm "on the spectrum." In my case, it has been a net positive, because it afforded me the career that I have, but it has made interpersonal relationships difficult.
I have also spent my entire adult life, in a community that forces us to have fairly intimate interpersonal relationships (a program of personal Recovery).
It has been exhausting (you'll always find me in the kitchen at parties), but it has also been seriously therapeutic.
These days, it's almost unnoticeable. Definitely still there (ask my wife), but most folks never have a clue.
It's like telling a gay man that he just needs to try dating more women.
There's nothing wrong with being an introvert. It's not really a choice in the first place.
Not at all what I'm saying. You don't get cured by exercise either. You're never "done" exercising. It's just a thing you do, in order to have a long term better life.
I don't like talking to strangers. It still tastes like medicine. I have no expectation that I'll ever like it. But I still have to take my medicine, or I'll be worse off long term.
And like being sore if you've not exercised in a while, the aversion to being social is stronger after taking a "solitude vacation". But you can't not do it.
So yeah, you completely misunderstood.
Well, that's on you. Especially since I also added "Or getting exercise" and another clarifying paragraph after that.
> For me, being social is tiring and uncomfortable
Exactly my point. "But I don't wanna!". Yeah. That's why i compare it with taking your yucky tasting medicine, or exercising.
> I don't see a benefit.
Pearls before swine, I suppose. Shrug.
You’re still making introversion out to be something that you should work at to compensate or fix, because not doing so would be unhealthy.
E.g. you exercise because if you don’t, you risk disease, cancer, and a host of other physical issues.
There’s nothing unhealthy about never striking up conversations with strangers.
There are more natural and organic ways to meet and interact with people you don’t know (many have been covered in other comments).
But striking up conversations with random strangers in public shouldn’t be equated with exercise.
Not fix. You just to hold your nose and do anyway, with no expectations if your experience of it ever changing.
Compensate? Not the way I think you mean it, no. Say you hate exercising or brushing your teeth. Ok. Nothing wrong with that. That's not good or bad. But you still have to do it.
Now, am I saying that only the social interaction with random strangers, that only inane smalltalk does it? Of course not.
Then learn not just how to start, but also how to end a conversation. I hated having to do small talk with people - until I learned that I had not to. I now can share something interesting - and then go back to minding my buisness. (If the other person is deaf on their end - strong signals to end a conversation are looking away, turning the body away, opening up ones laptop ... (or put out the damn phone) or put on earphones)
I know no one who tries striking up a conversation with strangers, and I feel like the majority of strangers would be annoyed/uncomfortable with this.
E.g.
- Frequenting the same restaurants/stores (HT earlier sibling comment)
- Joining clubs/communities/churches
- Parents of kids’ friends
- Networking: Friends of family / family of friends / friends of friends
- Workplace (obviously)
I feel like this is how friendships/relationships happen more organically vs. the OP’s suggestion of talking to “someone waiting in line”.
Sometimes, I work against this and start conversations.
Rarely people are annoyed. Too often, they seem happy someone breaks their shell, they just don't want to be that person who takes the first step.
Every time I see a new person I still feel the same.
Make a joke yourself, if you're feeling funny. But be warned... a stranger once asked me why I was going on a trip. I was visiting my dad who was presently in surgery for cancer that would go on to end his life. I was too emotional to answer with anything but the truth. I certainly wasn't going to respond well to humor.
This is the risk of striking up conversations with strangers. You have no idea what their mood, concerns, or troubles might be. So please be prepared for a less-than-pleasant subject to talk about if you insist on intruding on someone else's thoughts.
Although, the hardest part for me is the interaction with the neighbors, simply because it's not an easy relationship to sever if things go sideways. Still good to know the name of the crazy neighbor, I suppose.