CEOs Don’t Come Pre-Made. Authentic Leadership Has To Be Learned
techcrunch.com
techcrunch.com
Being a good listener is so essential in communication - We've all been on the other side of feeling disregarded in a conversation because of a distraction, text, time, wandering minds -- it's disrespectful and works in negative ways.
I love this quote, and it doesn't just apply to leaders or CEOs, it applies to people. Most people I know squirm in their own skin in their personal lives, playing a role of their own inventing. Very, very few people are comfortable enough with themselves to let the people around them peek inside. Interestingly, letting people see you squirm tends to have extremely therapeutic effect, so all that energy you wasted on putting up a facade was completely unnecessary.
That being said, I think there is a very fine line here, and excessive honesty can be disastrous. If you try to snatch the curtain away in one fell swoop while you're still uncomfortable in your own skin, what you think will seem authentic, will almost certainly be perceived as an outright panic (because that's what it is). You can't do it too early -- it's a gradual, often painful process of learning, self-acceptance, and building authentic relationships with other people. You're too scared to let the people see your inner self because you're weak, so you lift the curtain a little bit. Doing that gives you insights about yourself and about others, which in turn builds strength. Then you can lift the curtain a little more. Rinse, and repeat, hopefully for the rest of your life.
That being said, some people have a natural inclination to go through this process much, much quicker than others. It has certainly been a difficult process for me, and I'm still nowhere near the finish line (in fact, I think this process is asymptotic, and I am just now beginning see the asymptote somewhere in the distance).
"Leadership cannot be taught or learned."[1]
Which is funny, because the article itself is a lesson about what is required to become a leader.
With some experience and hindsight, it seems to me now that some kind of balance is what's required. What I strive for today as a manager is fairness and consistency during those tough moments when a team just isn't getting it done. And without a doubt, inspiration gets you much further than admonition. But when real money--and people's jobs--are at stake, sometimes it seems like the right thing is to disregard bruised egos.
Is there a right answer? I don't think so. Isn't what matters whether or not what you're doing works for you? If being an asshole is what worked for your ex-boss, do you think he would have been successful any other way?
as for taking likability too far, being liked doesn't involve being a pushover, or not making hard calls. your subordinates aren't idiots; they know that sometimes being the boss involves requiring people to do things they are disinclined to, and letting people who aren't performing or making too many mistakes know in no uncertain terms that there is a problem that needs addressing. but the manner in which you do it makes a world of difference. getting in people's faces and yelling at the top of your voice, or harping on for ages about every minor screwup, isn't "getting things done", even if it may provide the immediate illusion of having taken care of the problem.
The key is in why you're liked. If you're liked because you're tough but fair, that's a good reason to be liked. (Open to debate, but it's an example.) If you're liked because you're constantly bribing your way into everyone's good graces, that's not.
Really, the trick is to not care about whether or not you're liked, as that boss thought. Where he got it wrong is what you do instead. Competence involves people management, and people management involves both massaging and bruising egos. You need to be competent, to "get results", and if you do that by breaking as few eggs as possible to get there, people will back your play, will recognize the inevitable necessity of those eggs and not make a huge deal out of it. Competence can't come at the cost of competence: that's literally self-defeating.
Make them look good.
As a boss, you make your team look good. As a business, you make your customer look good. As a team member, you make your leader look good. And so on. Accept credit when it's offered, precisely because giving that credit makes them look good, and share that credit because public praise is good.
I don't think that good leaders need to learn how to be authentic or how to appear authentic to others.
I think that educated, intelligent, capable, ethical and self-confident people are naturally authentic in that they aren't so insecure as to try to hide their errors and are wise enough to know that insincere speech or behavior will be detected and detrimental.
I mean, I guess a lot of people really do need to be told this stuff, but I would rather be led by someone who had figured that stuff on their own by default (_without_ needing a lot of executive experience). And those people are out there.
That said, the world seems to have a real deficit of sincere and authentic leaders.
TLDR: you need authentic (+) goodness, together.
The section "Nix multi-task listening" really struck a chord for me. It can be challenging to really focus on listening to someone, especially if you have a busy and easily-excited mind. But it is crucial to put the effort in. I've seen people do some shocking things before - once I saw a friend say hi and ask another friend how she was, then instantly, as the person began talking, look down and start using her phone. Incredibly painful to watch someone start to talk then just fade out as they realise the other person isn't even paying attention. Needless to say, people like that better change their ways if they want to be likable and successful.
That conclusion can't be drawn from that premise, and the premise is shaky.