Pass the generated text through some kind of quality prompt. It’s got too much filler right now.

The story is interesting but it’s hard to read because it’s hard to tell which parts are meaningful and which parts are filler.

E.g. “we pulled the card cold - straight from the rig to the workbench”. Okay, but why would going straight from the rig to the workbench make it cold? If anything it would be warm. But it turns out the temperature is meaningful in your story.