Why I email complete strangers
goodinternetmagazine.com
goodinternetmagazine.com
Yeah, could be that the Mods are just really busy.
A wizard is never late or early, but arrives precisely when he means to.
It’s hard being an hotheaded internet keyboard warrior like me when the moderators are going out of their way to remain polite and courteous when disagreeing.
This is why I share my email on my website and on my HN profile: it’s so much easier to see the human in 1:1 conversation.
Even a simple email like "I really like the design of your website/blog" will make their day.
All I received in reply was “Thanks!”.
I was thrilled. I earned an exclamation point from an academic who would never deign to use such punctuation lightly.
I hope this feature of the internet is protected.
So when someone tells me they like my blog, i’m afraid to respond because they’ll just pitch me in response
I hope the people doing things like that realize that's awful for humanity, and they stop doing that.
And they're being encouraged towards that: even tech companies with reputations to lose are already aggressively offering to take over as someone goes to write an email or text, and proactively "summarizing" the one-to-one human communications of others. But there will actually be demand for one-to-many fake one-on-one interactions, in the hustle culture, and doing it to strangers will seem no worse than what they've already done: corrupting pre-existing interpersonal relationships.
As a result, I make it a point to send notes to anyone if I’ve enjoyed their work, because I know how much its meant to me, that I hope to pass along those kind, appreciate feelings.
But I do have a 'say thanks' page on my blog rather than the more usual 'buy me a coffee'. Perhaps people feel less awkward doing it when it's invited! Anyway, I recommend it because the emails are always nice to receive.
It is really something and I'm very grateful for their emails.
So every now and then, I spread some joy by sending an email to a complete stranger.
And I always add that I don’t expect a reply, so they don’t feel obligated to respond.
All emails I got so far from Nigeria claimed to have been sincere!
I do wish IOS would support push mail for private mail servers.... You can't have everything I guess
1. clarification on something in particular that they have already published
2. engage in genuine discussion about adjacent topics in which their opinion is specifically relevant
3. expressions of appreciation
4. corrections of information to prevent genuine harm or significant frustration for others
My success rate is probably 50-75% but I only do it a few times per year.
Cold-calling to get people try try your new app or answer a survey is rude.
I find myself in a similar situation. Drafting an email to an academic. And as I decipher her motivations with respect to her own work from micro-expressions she had in an interview, I start to think we're not that different. I'm falling in love, how embarrassing ...
Any time. ;)
Maybe it's because I feel like I don't have all the right answers, or that it might be an uphill battle for me in some way, or I'm afraid of making a lasting connection (and the combination of burden and joy that this brings), or I'm instead afraid of missing a connection despite putting effort into it. Perhaps it is all of those things together or something else entirely.
Whatever it is, I know one thing for sure: Inaction has a deterministic outcome.
So when I do nothing, then nothing happens. Nothing is gained, nothing is lost, and nothing is spent.
And maybe that's not an optimal outcome, but it's at least a predictable outcome -- and that alone seems to serve to resolve whatever unwelcome feelings of anxiety I might otherwise experience.
I've had deep technical exchanges with smart people all across the world I would've never met otherwise. I've seen people using my tool for completely insane projects successfully. I've even had a data scientist from India who was inspired and motivated by my story of presenting at ACM 2025 as a hobbyist to put his work out there.
Interacting with all these people has broadened my horizons - literally going halfway across the globe in one instance. All of that happened despite me being an introvert, who hates initiating any form of social interactions with people and sounds like a raving lunatic on my blog.
Maybe I should be the one to send out more emails...
And the knowledge I can offer others is also limited.
Here are my reasons, copied from my site's "Standing Invitation" [0].
> Email me just because (not just for work). Whatever feeds your curiosity; silly, fun, nerdy, serious.
> Why?
> 1. Do unto me what I have done unto others. I habitually cold-email anyone who moves me in some way (joy, insight, utility, mind shift…). I also love to receive such email!
> 2. There is too little unsolicited positive feedback in much of most of our lives. At some point in the fuzzy past, I decided enough was enough. At least someone somewhere ought to feel good sometime for no reason whatsoever. Since that realisation, I have cold-emailed people willy-nilly. See also: Saying Thank You [1], and Days Are Easily Made [2].
> 3. It's always been a delight; no regrets. You should try it too!
> So, let serendipity reign; write away!
[0] https://www.evalapply.org/about.html#standing-invitation
So you have a fear of rejection?
Mate, you need to pull yourself together.
Well, may be true for some people. For me, it is a matter of wasting my time when I have other things I could accomplish.
I think it would be nice if apartment buildings prioritised making some communal space that’s comfortable to hang out in so you’d have a chance to chat with people who live in the building. Usually it’s just some token couch in the lobby.
Obviously different people have different time and attention; they don't all get back to you.
But it really doesn't take very long to just throw together a note sharing your thoughts or questions for them you may have. They may not answer. But they might.
If it does fail though, I've also been finding that asking an LLM what so and so would say to whatever I have to share can sometimes be insightful and based on their public comments. Though obviously, probably best not to hold what an LLM said against the person the LLM said might say it...
I still somewhat like the email format, but I am also unable to deal with it, accumulating literally thousand of unread (non-spam) emails. I just can't keep up with the volume. I saw others use clients such as mutt or what not, and read through email on the terminal, so perhaps I should do that, but this is never the bottle neck for me. It is writing replies that is the bottleneck; it takes too much time away. I also need to think before writing, which is another bottleneck. I am very bad at thinking.
Instead, I’ve received a few emails that seemed like copy-and-paste sales pitches, so I naturally became wary of emails from strangers, thinking, “Oh, another sales pitch…”
But I had no idea there were people out there who thought this way! Thank you for introducing me to this new way of thinking.
I do use Gmail, Hotmail, Yahoo and Proton mail for various things but I also run my own email server for some things (mostly personal), which I've done since the mid-late 1990's and plan to continue doing so. Because I control it and I feel that gives me a small bit of power compared to the trillion dollar companies.
I would estimate communication is 95% non verbal and 5% verbal. The problem with online interaction is you are limited to this 5% while interacting with an almost infinite number of social groups and people.
Learning how to adapt to online socialization is learning how to adapt to being blind. Only you aren't blind, you are choosing to wear a blindfold.
Or it gets filtered as spam. very common
Odd you think this way..... however why would this be a problem?
Or do you believe one is only allowed to meet prospective partners though exploitative 'dating' apps installed on ones fondle slab?
RSA129 - I have a color copy of the prize check. I asked how many he sent out.
not to make this yet another 'in the age of AI' comment, but i can't help myself: given how cold and barren the mainstream internet feels now, cold emailing strangers in a non-transactional way is a humanitarian act. when i get emails from strangers about my own personal blog it makes me feel a little brighter about things for like an hour after. it's why i keep my email on my blog, despite the occasional spam/anonymous hate
I'm reading lots of reply's on here from people afraid of talking to strangers. Is there something wrong with you all?
FWIW: Strangers have the best sweets.
...I'm still not sure it isn't. :)
No.
Maybe I'll have Claude send him a thank you.