Building from zero after addiction, prison, and a felony
gavinray97.github.io
gavinray97.github.io
90s early internet/BBS punk rocker/computer nerd. Hated school angry.
Dropped out to work as a bike messenger for 5 years before packing a bag and moving west randomly. Couldn't sit still. Rode freight trains around the country for a few months.
Washed dishes and landscaped to cover my cheap rent till that fell thru. Discovered shop lifting. Covered food and beer stealing from local progressive grocery store chain. Stole goods to sell on CL to cover my rent. That scam went tits up and narrowly escaped serious charges after the head of loss prevention from a regional retailer caught up to me
Was sleeping in the park--this was pre super meth/fentanyl crisis so street living was a bit more stable and low key. Didn't want to wash dishes or dig holes any more so looked around on CL. Found a small company trying to bootstrap a regional office for an established linux-related open source company. Worked for free / interned using a stolen laptop for a year or so while sleeping outside or couch surfing local punk houses.
Eventually got hired on for s but stayed for a couple years and made many FOSS connections. Eventually left to join a well known FOSS-centered company that was fully remote.
Told myself when I was young that I would never work in an office. ~15 years later and I never have ,but now work in bit tech, get paid too much, own a home and have a great family with kids who play at the same parks I used to crash at. We shop (and pay) at the same stores I used to crib from.
I'm respected and tenured at my gig but Imposter syndrome still holds me back. Nobody I work with knows where I came from and thankfully have nothing incriminating that would block a background check
34yo Patrice has a stable job, a fiancé and broadly speaking has his life in order.
Nobody in his circle knows he dropped out of high school, got in the wrong crowd and, inevitably, did time.
This archetype is a mix of several people I've met and I usually mention it when a younger person says this and that thing (e.g. dropping out of college) is the end of the world for them. In your 20s it commonly isn't and you can start from scratch - after a decade or so nobody will have any idea about this unless you tell them.
couple decades later lives in the burbs, wife, kids, regular coding job, etc.
Maybe folks should not just take passively morals from society or media but think for themselves? Society has been wrong uncountable amount of time, way more than it has been right.
There are two aspects to the type of question that was asked. How do you prevent people from ha I g to make choices which are rational and good for their options but still really bad overall, and how do you convinve/educate people about available options they weren't aware of so they don't make outright bad choices when better ones are available that they are unaware of.
There are many possible answers to "why did you take off to the west and ride trains and sleep in parks and steak to feed yourself", but most of them aren't "well I just felt like leaving my entirely stable, loving and supportive friends and family." What to an outsider seems like a poor choice to a specific person imight seem like the decision that saved their life, even in retrospect.
Education is a very different story which ends with letting people make their own decisions after (hopefully) having more information about realistic outcomes.
I don't personally want a government preventing me from making my own choices. That line is blurry for sure, like if my decision directly negatively impacts someone else for example. But if packing up and riding the rails or sleeping in parks primarily impacts only me, the government shouldn't be able to stop me because they "know" its the wrong choice.
It didn’t need that level of sermon. Every reasonably educated person got your point after the first sentence.
When your choices include terrorizing businesses and being a public nuisance to everyone else, then yes, government should prevent people from making those choices.
We don't have a honest discussion about the progression of addiction so the choices are not visible, until later.
The first beer is the most critical choice, yet it's made for us (in 99% of the cases) by our peers. So is it a choice really?
We're routine (addiction) prone herd animals and as long as we pretend otherwise (free will and the likes) we're stuck in repeating this.
Why isn’t the last beer the most critical one, for example?
So for instance I'll happily tell my kids that marijuana is enjoyable and relatively harmless in and of itself, yet you end up smelling bad, it ruins motivation, hurts your short-term memory, gives you the munchies, and is just generally is self-escapism, like most drugs. Gotta work on my exact pitch there, but that's the spirit of the point - honesty. They will make plenty of bad decisions in life, but I'd rather that with each one they see I was right, rather than see that I was lying or exaggerating - driving them further away from everything else I taught them.
In retrospect? It's really not hard to determine before the fact that petty crime is not a road to good things.
We have ways to prevent people from going down this path. It's called enforcement. He was more or less allowed to steal and sleep in the parks. If there was strict enforcement, this wouldn't have been a medium term viable option. Doesn't have to be throw the person in prison for the rest of their life, but either accept help, go through the criminal justice system or figure out another way to contribute to society in a positive way. It sounds like the author at any point could have found some kind of employment, but chose this because it was viable. And society wasn't doing him any favors by looking the other way
While one might say strict enforcement would discourage particular behavior choices. I would not disagree and add that suppression of behaviors is not as effective as replacement of behaviors.
I am not a parent, but I have observed that the best style of parents adapt to the natural personality of each child. For example, I was very contientious from early childhood (I assume that part was genetic), and my brother was exactly the opposite. My parents really had to work with him to get him to take school seriously. Fortunately, he has a naturally high IQ, so it wasn't so hard for him.
grew up around the military, ended up enlisting out of HS.
buncha my friends, all army/navy brats from outside of DC, all went off to college. easily 1/3 drank themselves stupid or otherwise went nuts.
off the leash they decided they'd rather be in a band and work part-time at the grocery store than keep going down the path they were forced. Most of them have since graduated and several are doing pretty well. Had to do that freedom thing, tho.
better choice than the one I made, too
Why do you think they'd know it? Working out in the end for you was the less likely option. Everything is possible but if you manage to explain the likelihood of each outcome compared to the expected payoff it could make the case clearer. Not an easy thing when dealing with small kids. It's hard because even adults are blinded by survivorship bias. Kids are easy victims, they can all become Cristiano Ronaldo, they can all launch the unicorn startup after dropping out of school, etc.
> I have nothing to offer.
Kids need guidance whether you think they'll take it or not, especially at that age. It's up to you to strike the balance between guidance, trickery, heavy handed rules, something works. Your teachers probably didn't care enough and your parents couldn't find the right button because it's not an easy job but it doesn't mean you can't or worse, that you shouldn't even try because you "have nothing to offer".
"Do whatever you want and things will work out because it worked out for me" is not a good (or honest) message for children.
[survivor-bias-airplane.jpg]
This is more of a "Do what you must, come what may" thing.
You can and should teach your kids the ways of life and make them understand that
- the choices are theirs
- responsibility for said choices is also theirs
- results may not reflect choices
I dont know if you intended to reply to the OP/author or my reply. In my case, I dodged hard drugs for $reasons and can safely say that I chose my own adventure. I was had anxiety and apprehension about status quo and what was expected of a HS graduate circa 2000 so I said F it and did my own thing.
You need to stop seeing me so hard rn
Seriously, they seriously do. There's always someone as qualified as you applying for whatever job. Why would anyone choose someone with a record over someone without, all else being equal? It's a liability that can turn into a headache, so most employers will choose the person without the record.
*Providing the drug use was short lived.
you're ~35 and admit to smoking a buncha weed and maybe some other stuff in your college frat 10+ years ago? not much of a discussion topic, esp. if you've had a steady job, house, family, etc. since then. doesn't have to be short, you could have been called Mikey Pipes for all 4 years of school... just that it was a phase, and it's been long gone.
smoke weed and pop some lsd 1.5 year ago? that could be a problem, esp. if you're still living the same life essentially as then.
Given the huge numbers of bay area tech people at Burningman, its clearly a bit more nuanced than that. Partying with Zuck or Sergey and Larry would be a very positive career move I suspect.
No, mostly just American 90s suburban boredom and at-home dysfunction.
At around 12/13 my old siblings drug addiction began tearing my house/family apart. The only escape available to me at the time in my town was a nascent, opioid-fueled high school party scene. Other kids might have followed their brothers footsteps but computers and music really interested me. I retreated to my bedroom and dialup modem for the next 5 or so years. I discovered the local BBS scene and (via that) the internet. Likewise, discovered a lively punk music scene in my region. Both connected me to other like minded ppl in my region and beyond. Very thankful for that.
My experience (and impression of others) is that sure, it's incredibly good by certain very basic metrics but that doesn't mean all participants find it desirable or even tolerable. I slogged through it for no reason other than that's just what was expected and I didn't see any realistic alternative but in retrospect I think I would have been better off dropping out and attending a community college (of course I could be wildly wrong about that).
This is exactly where I zagged. To this day, I still think avoiding college was the best decision I've made in life. Both from the POV of finances and personal growth. I learned so much about the world and life between the ages of ~18-26. I did not own a computer or have internet access during any of it, and neither did most the ppl I knew. Feel very lucky I spent those years YOLO'ing it and not in front of a screen.
That said I also felt that many of the people I encountered there most likely weren't gaining enough for it to be worth the cost in time, money, and effort. I know some people who went the trade route straight out of highschool and provided that jobs were available it seems to have been a very good choice for most of them.
> Feel very lucky I spent those years YOLO'ing it and not in front of a screen.
Even in a STEM program I only spent a small fraction of study time in front of a screen. That said, the degree was indeed a huge time commitment overall.
Nah, just throwaway here. A few tech/work friends know of it, most of my non-tech friends know of my background but most them have crazier stories. And those folks dont really understand what I do for work or how much money I'm making. I'm too much of a dirt bag for the tech world and too much of a yuppie for my old punk friends. Its double-sided imposter syndrome.
(Yeah, armchair doctor and all that. But doesn't make it wrong or at least worth a look.)
Fwiw, I didn't mention it because of your writing style at all, I wrote it because you literally said
> Couldn't sit still.
Also, for anyone curious, drug use and being in prison is much more common amongst adhd folk than the general population. A staggering 25% (approximately) of prison population is ADHD [1], far higher than the general population.
To get the whole discussion of “I have seen this behavior before. I know an addict when I see one”. It was embarrassing. And then to hear “you’re 16 and acting out your puberty”.
Adults are silly sometimes when they are convinced of something, and fucking persistent.
Let's say they are correct. What would the solution look like from there?
As an example, and this is only 1% of it, but I have had my utilities turned off several times for not paying bills, while having $400k in the bank.
It took me five years to actually get to a point of a) having a diagnosis and b) getting medication. Most of that was due to the perverse way this process works in the UK, where to get a diagnosis of executive dysfunction you have to do a ton of personal admin, after which you’ll be handed another todo list in order to be able to get drugs prescribed.
I’m now on a good dose of drugs and I honestly mourn for the decades of my life I could have been feeling how I do now had I known. They don’t make everything better, it’s still an effort to make myself focus on the things I should be focusing on, but once I am focusing on them I’m able to continue doing so, and I no longer find myself having done no work for the last week because I was putting off a ten minute task I didn’t want to do. Despite spending 12 hours a day with a steady stream of amphetamines being released into my blood stream my blood pressure has dropped significantly since starting the drugs because I’m no longer in a constant state of low grade panic at all the things I’m not doing.
Please, go get a diagnosis (or not, maybe they’re all wrong). Talk to whoever you’re referred to about options, decide whether drugs are something you want to try. Give yourself options at least because it is possible to stop playing life on hard mode.
If you get your utilities shut off due to ADHD, and that is only 1% of it as you claim, your instinctual coping mechanisms obviously aren't enough to prevent a pretty bad impact on your day-to-day life. As you would seek help for acute medical problems from professionals, you should seek help for chronic mental problems from professionals.
And I'm saying this as someone who lost circa 120k in work I never invoiced because of ADHD
> without the drug addiction
and
> beer stealing
doesn't compute.
No disrespect, but this is not at all comparable to the situation described in the article. A few nights sleeping on the streets is much (!) easier when not addicted to substances.
Also, Preston Thorpe (who Gavin mentions as inspiration) has an interesting story as well: https://pthorpe92.dev/intro/my-story/
<3
Key insight: relying on AI for writing assistance helps neither the author nor the audience.
You're absolutely right! Would you like to delve into more issues like this one?
Not saying it is, just pointing out how messed up the world we live in now is.
But... was it?
Even LLMs have better sense of humor than HN readers.
I *always* tell older people looking to switch into tech to start at agencies/contracting firms for this reason.
They are much more likely to hire people without experience, invest in your training (even if it's training by fire), and because they are usually heavy cert-driven, they'll pay for certs as well.
It doesn't pay well, and the work can be brutal (nights and weekends; on-call) but it's a great way to get the experience needed to get the job that does if you're starting from zero.
Not to say they cannot learn that, but worth being aware if you're building something long-term and does hiring for that sort of project, to be upfront that the development process will likely be very different compared to what they're used to.
Many years ago, some famous developer said, "Always write your code as if the person who's going to maintain it is a violent psychopath who knows where you live." As I fixed my poor design choices one by one over endless late nights, I sometimes felt the anger of a violent psychopath toward the former, ignorant me who had stupidly plagued current me with all these problems.
When you learn the hard way, you know exactly why good design decisions are considered good. In later jobs, one of my fundamental goals for every new project was "I never want me or anyone else to have to answer a 3 a.m. call about why this system isn't working."
sadly that's a non-starter for a lot of people in this economy. doubly so if you have kids.
Seems to me like if it's the option on the table, and you have a family to take care of, then it would absolutely be a starter. If there are other options, then there are other options, but if you're just starting it's fairly likely that you need to prepare yourself for a battle. I don't see how "this economy" makes that anything but more true. I don't even have kids but I sure as hell wouldn't be picky if I did and was just getting going.
What would be a non-starter is no job or no pay for work.
Consider how he and his wife were surviving before he got back into tech. That's the norm for a lot of people.
She's been trying to get anything, even an unpaid internship, doing sound design, going to local meetups, online conferences, and hasn't had much luck.
But I told her: it's just a matter of persistence and time. If you're agreeable to be around, passionate about something, and just show up everyday, eventually something is likely to happen.
Successful people in the music world (both on and off stage) HAVE to mingle with musicians (not other engineers) heavily to get noticed and recommended
Would recommend joining a local film club, and get a few small projects done. Additionally, volunteer with local church events, or regular city music festivals.
Also, could join the local union intake for the production studios. It will be awful until one gets the base hours completed, but it is a feast or famine kind of work schedule some can tolerate. Fine work if you are still a kid.
Finding stuff online is usually a fools errand these days mostly due to "AI" data mining operations, or outright cons. Best of luck =3
It allowed me to "get my hands dirty," and experiment, as well as build a portfolio.
To this day, I have a large amount of public code. It's a habit that I've had, all my adult life.
I applied for about 50+ jobs as a graduate engineer in 1991. Back then you wrote letters. Hmmm: You printed letters - mail merge was a thing.
You signed each one by hand, with a quill pen and used a wax seal and cast a Spell of Engagement.
OK, you signed your covering letter with a pen (might be a Biro but I did use a Parker and Quink, myself) You also had to put your covering letter and curriculum vitae (CV == resume) in an envelope and pop a stamp on it (2nd class) and post it. None of that Linked In bollocks.
Your covering letter would be bespoke to the company approached. You did some research and mentioned something pertinent.
Nowadays I'm the employer.
I applied over and over using Monster dot com.
I could've never imagined long-term-thinking like this from a former addict.
I know a couple people who recovered from addiction (and lost a few who sadly couldn’t).
They’re just people from all walks of life. There are a lot of stereotypes about addicts, but drug addiction can hit anyone. The first few people I knew who became addicts were actually from good families, were educated, had good career prospects, and were happy people. They thought addiction didn’t apply to them because they were too smart or happy or wealthy. In my opinion, those stereotypes made them more vulnerable to letting their guard down and thinking they were going to use the drugs smartly.
Most of them are recovered now and back on track, minus a large chunk of their younger years and a trail of destroyed relationships and wasted opportunities. You wouldn’t peg them as former addicts, though. They’re just people.
Nothing personal, but you are part of the problem here. You are why these stories are so rare and difficult to achieve. Not out of malice on your part, most likely. But addicts are not humans to you. Please rethink some things.
That every time he came down from his high and was lying in bed unable to sleep, the guilt was like an ocean devouring him. That tonight would be the last time he would ever touch anything.
That he wanted to stop, knew he should stop, but when you wake up sweating & shaking all logic leaves your mind and the only thing you can think of is where to get more.
That it's not your (or anyone else's) fault, you did nothing wrong, and quite probably everything right. Some of us are just born with demons on our shoulder that won't stop whispering in our ear.
He would tell you of all the the plans he had come up with over the years, to make up the lost time with you and the rest of his loved ones. Doing things that YOU want to do, just to make you happy, because he had been selfish enough and you were owed at least that much.
That when things were their darkest, and he felt his lowest, one of the few saving graces and safe havens in his mind were the times he spent with you, before he fell into this pit of darkness.
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I am, genuinely, sorry to hear that. Not in a "my condolences way", but in a grief-ridden and deeply personal way.
I lost my father and several of my closest friends to fentanyl. I know your grief. I know the feeling of anger that also gives you guilt, that they should have robbed the people that loved them most of the opportunity to experience them, and robbed themselves of the bright future they were capable of having.
Nothing I, or anyone else says, can make it any better.
I shed tears while writing this. Nico mourns for you as much as you mourn for him.
I was reminded of the book when I recently watched the origin story [1] of the Differentbreed TV channel on youtube that gives attention to the trench war in Ukraine. The channel owner went from serious alcohol addiction while working in a liquor store, to going in a coma when deciding to go cold turkey. And then a journey to almost becoming a policeman, then a firefighter, and deciding based on training and certifications gained there, to become a combat medic in Ukraine. Then fought in the International Legion and Azov brigade. And then settle in Ukraine running the channel, and be involved in all kinds of activities that help the defense of the country. Very interesting to hear the story told from first-hand experience.
[0] https://www.thriftbooks.com/w/montyn_dirk-ayelt-kooiman/3291...
I’m a software engineer née scientist, but my spouse is a therapist who specializes in addiction. They (and I!) cherish stories like yours because we had seen up-close the struggle that so many people face.
No part of the prose was machine-generated. You will not find machine-written prose on this blog. I consider it deeply disrespectful."
I really like this disclaimer, by disclaiming that a single small thing was done with AI, you make very credible and notable that you did not use LLMs for the important parts.
I also found the article written so well (I suppose we don't encounter native English speakers in the blogosphere as much as we think we do), that it was a joy to read, if I can say so considering the subject matter.
We're trying our very best to support and guide without shaming. The difficult part is the influence of friends, specifically a boyfriend, that were convinced led to much of this. Forbidding the relationship is not going to have the right effect. So we're trying to manage it with rules to try and prevent the opportunity to make bad decisions. And talking a lot about honesty, values and respect. There's still respect in our relationship, and I feel that's the key for us to be able to support her.
> I'm curious how many with similar stories think they would have or could have taken a different path with better or different parental support?
I only respond to extreme, repeated negative reinforcement. Positive reinforcement never did anything for me.
If your child responds to positive reinforcement in any way, there's a good chance you can support them through it. But if they're like me, they may "only learn the hard way."
And I don't mean negative reinforcement as in physical punishment or being talked down to, but having to live through direct negative consequences of your action.
Sometimes I think "what if I could go back in time, and tell myself not to do XYZ", but I know myself well enough that I'm sure I would not listen.
I sincerely hope that things pan out for your family.
If you want the nuclear option, can you move away from the current environment? If they're young enough not to have a car, that's one way to at least guarantee a "fresh start" where they can't actively go down the current path. They'd need to find a new way into trouble, which is still wholly possible but requires more effort at least.
The common refrain here is usually they can find a bad environment anywhere so just moving won’t solve the problem. Unless it’s really remote, and home schooling. Which would not be healthy for anyone imo.
A good felon buddy of mine has been out now for 4 years. He slowly built a car repair business, with steady clientele, and got his life back on track – including reasonable sobriety and a steady relationship. He and his girl would cruise around often, enjoying their newfound happiness.
Last week he totaled his Harley and his body (destroyed bike, multiple broken bones). Total reset. He now gets PTSD whenever a Harley revvs by passing... physically cannot work.
Please don't get a motorcycle.
(fwiw i agree regardless, don’t get a motorcycle, lost too many friends to accidents or the following addiction)
I'm just offering real-world advice after witnessing all the broken bones and jerked roadrash upon this tattoo'd convict's broken body. Shouldn't be alive.
Putzing around an urban center on a cafe bike is not what it means to "ride a motorcycle" in the US.
Not to mention all the junk on the streets: the oil, anti-freeze, gravel, wet painted turn arrows.
When freeways become unsafe is when the loose nut behind the handlebars decides to wick it up and just "go around all of these big slow things". But that's not the freeways fault.
First year/10,000 miles is the hardest. But the foundational rules apply: Wear the gear, slow down, don't ride impaired (drunk, high, tired...).
Lightning strikes, it sucks. But, anecdotally, my worst motor vehicle injury was while a passenger in a modern car when my friend drove into a left turning vehicle. "Fender bender", "no biggie". Chronic, notable, back pain ever since. Worst than anything I've ever suffered on a motorcycle.
That's the thing. On a bike you can do everything right and still lose.
California is one of the safer places to ride given how many bikes are here and I've still had too many near misses as a trained, experienced, and conservative rider.
Most people put 1-2k miles a year on their bikes, when I was riding often I put on 2-3k/ month.
Same with anything in life.
Same with a car, just less so. Of course you could also stay at home, wearing protective bumper suit 24/7 (and can still die from any number of things anyway).
At some point there's a tradeoff people make. Some people make it where the tradeoff slider says "motorcycle", rather than stop at "car". And I'm not talking a tiny niche, but about 1-1.2 billion people globally.
Same with a car, or anything really.
The point of parent stands, globally there are billions of people going through their lives with motorcycles as their main vehicles, yet aren't involved in any life-changing accidents.
Some places are more dangerous than others, probably places that doesn't have this already motorcycle-heavy culture, like other countries in the world, has a higher incident rate and more severe accidents, as drivers aren't aware of how motorcycles usually operate.
Not all bike owners and riders have a shady history or risk taking behavior (aside from riding a motrobike).
It's not bad advice, just unlikely to land. Thrill seekers seek thrills.
Closest feeling you can get to flying and a helluva lot cheaper.
Bike costs are line noise, (cheap!) planes I fly are better part of $200 an hour.
I get what you're saying though. Barely been on bike since latest baby and wondering if I should just sell them for now.
As much as I miss riding and wife misses riding with me, if the worst were to happen, yikes.
I’d say this is a strong case against getting one for anyone who has struggled with addiction. In my experience a part of the constant battle is a difficult relationship with sources of stimulation.
Having said all that and despite being in recovery for many years... I still lust after the feeling of completely unfettered freedom being on a bike on an open road. Before I bought my bike a friend had warned me that once you ride, you’ll never not want to ride. He was right.
While it probably sounds crazy, owning a tractor is almost as good. There are even more mechanical widgets to play with and it is dead simple and easy to work on like a motorcycle. I still miss the motorcycle but now I can actually do useful work while somewhat scratching the itch.
Absolutely. Broken bones, and all.
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>wondering if I should just sell them for now
>if the worst were to happen, yikes
Listen to yourself, Papa.
----
It's a young (dumb) man's game.
This has been my favorite sentence (so far) in this discussion – whatever one's opinion is on motorcycling. Capital 't' Truth.
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Thirty years ago, my mother gave me some small amount of money to NOT ride a motorcycle on roadways until after she died. Being young and broke, I took the money. stopped riding.
After she died, I had aged just enough to realize that I didn't actually want to ride motorcycles on-road, anymore. Even after decades of wanting to...
Somehow mama-up-there knew I'd eventually grow up, and it only cost her a few hundred dollars [to not have to witness my motorcycle accident (while alive, nor ever from-above)].
What are your thoughts on Roller Coasters? Hit a good theme park, ride maybe 6 with your eyes closed within a couple of hours.
I can't help but feel riding one (Roller Coaster) is much more optimal than $200/hr flying a plane, and much safer than a motorcycle, even if you rented vs purchase one.
That’s like telling a skydiver to go ride the Drop Tower (or whatever the ride is that drops you straight down).
Not only is the experience different, but you aren’t in control. You aren’t controlling what’s happening.
For me a big part of the enjoyment comes from being in control of the bike.
Personally I would get zero enjoyment riding as a passenger on a bike. The thrill comes from riding and maneuvering the bike, not just going fast.
Yes. Chasing perfection every time.
How smoothly can you roll out of this corner. How perfect a line can you take. How smoothly can you shift up or rev match and shift down.
I don't think I've ever been a passenger. My young wife enjoyed riding with me before our youngest came.
It's a thrill for sure. Mostly on the smaller coasters thee days because of the kids.
They could have just-as-easily landed on the barn I built, a decade ago – years of work.
Pilot's stupidity (flying in such known weather conditions, inexperienced) could have killed more than just he & his pickleball passengers.
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The part where I start getting upset is when others' lives are put into risk (particularly when: no fault of their own, bystanders).
Hah, that's funny for someone who got into FPV quadcopters recently and just passed his motorcycle license. I might have a problem.
~30% of deaths involve drunk riding
~30% of deaths involve not wearing any helmet (let alone full face ECE 22.06 rated ones or any other gear at all)
~30% of deaths involve someone with no motorcycle licence.
These aren't all mutually exclusive obviously, rather the Venn diagram probably looks rather...circular.
The issue isn't so much everyone trying to kill you, you can fix a lot of the visibility issues and you have some additional options if someone is about to hit you. The problem is that two wheels make for a VERY dynamic system and you're managing two different brakes with weight shifting between two wheels based on your inputs. To that end ABS and TCS are absolutely huge, IIRC something like >60% safety improvement.
Tldr don't buy an old retro bike with no safety systems and ride it drunk without a license or gear, you'll continue to pad the numbers.
This rider (I described above) was
~sober
~helmetted (fully faced)
~licensed
1. I fell over at a stop sign on a canted hill while stopped because the rented Harley was so fucking big. I immediately returned it and will never ride a Harley again, those things suck.
2. I stupidly stopped just before the crest of a gravel road because I couldn't determine the best path (should have just trusted my tires and picked one), started sliding backwards. Rather than spin my tires and risk shooting off, or slide backwards into the unknown, I just tipped over and rolled off the bike.
No injuries either times. No at speed near misses. I have a simple rule: if I'm not 100% sure, I don't do it. A pass, a light, an intersection, when in doubt, I slow down, or stop, or hang out where I am in a lane.
Maybe one day I'll get taken out at a stop light or something random like that but the joy that riding has brought me I just can't give up. Exploring the world on a motorcycle is just amazing.
All activities come with risks. Motorcycling is up there but so is rock climbing, kayaking, rafting, hiking, bicycling, swimming - all activities I personally know someone who has been severely injured doing. You take precautions but you gotta live.
I agree. Among my fondest (and 3rd-most-painful) memories is sitting atop my Honda XR80 – FREE – pondering what my adolescent mind might eventually wish to accomplish.
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>all activities I personally know someone who has been severely injured doing
My twin's friend, an experienced multi-pitch climber, recently perished in a freak-drowning accident (while leading amateurs) on a simple repelling expedition (single-pitch, lots of attention-to-safety). Somehow he slipped, fell into rainstorm-capture... and nobody knew how to help him quickly enough.
Obviously he should have had another experienced buddy, but it apparently "all happened so quickly" that nobody thought otherwise (was possible).
#RIP, assailedclimberbro
Apparently the numbers for bicycles are a bit better, even in adjusted terms, but still. They're very unsafe in general.
The effect on physical and psychic health largely outweighs (sometimes to x30) the risk of accidents and pollution disease.
(2012, french) https://www.ors-idf.org/nos-travaux/publications/les-benefic...
I haven’t ridden on the road since. Just no joy in riding anymore if it just takes one careless individual on a cell phone…
Every so often I think about linking up with a group ride again or even going to a spin class, but I just don’t see the fun in it anymore.
It's laughable how proud some cyclists become when they think a painted stripe will somehow protect them from cellphoned sharks.
Obviously US bicycling infrastructure is laughably dangerous, and nobody deserves full-blame for exercising their legal rights upon roadways -- but e.g: biking up Lookout Mountain's shoulderless 2-lane highway is. stupid.ly common. These are tourist roadways winding through a mountainrange – are you cyclist's suicidal, or just hubric? Nobody knows where they are, and your dumb_ass is in the blindcurve going 2mph.
Your legal right #RIP
I sometimes lament that I wish I could ride in a group again, but it’s such a hurdle to get over mentally for me.
It is a lot of fun having camaraderie with similarly skilled riders hammering it out in the big ring for two hours, but just never have been able to get back to that place where I’m comfortable enough to do it.
Edit: oh, rereading your comment… my friend was not at fault in her crash. She was a careful rider just out for a spin and happened to cross paths with the wrong idiot who was distracted and veered onto the shoulder. I was expressing sadness that that is all it took to end her life.
Even as a pedestrian, I hate crossing a small road using crosswalks at a 4 way stop.
More than once, I’ve been nearly run over — even by vehicles that came to a complete stop.
Others were too distracted and plowed nonstop going 40+mph through the 4way stop.
I actually prefer to cross in the middle of the road on my own terms.
I live in a non-California state and I'm shocked whenever I see a motorcyclist who doesn't illegally lane split, who maintains a standard following distance (ideally 3 car lengths on an interstate), etc. Plus, most of them aren't even good at choosing leather jackets (not enough schotts or even made in Japan actual horsehide, lots of slop non-protective because most of these people are poor from the Harley purchase) and they don't wear proper protective heavy bottoms (i.e. leather/kevlar pants or HEAVY selvedge denim like 25 oz+). Many don't wear helmets because doing so might make them look like "fairies" to their friends in the outlaw biker gang.
Similarly, half or more of the cyclists in your average complete streets/walkable cities liberal area either 1. actually don't have a drivers license and are thus oblivious to road laws when they routinely get on the road, 2. refuse to use a helmet/put lights on at night/hand signal when turning, and 3. refuse to use perfectly good empty sidewalks (yes its legal here to bike on the sidewalk) to cycle on when possible.
I see this shit all the time, and I understand why they end up as roadkill time-and-time again. Keep winning Darwin awards. My heart goes out to those who legitimately did everything right and ends up squashed anyway, but the myriad number of idiots ruins it for the victims.
I actually don't know which makes me more scared to see on the road, a clapped out Nissan/dodge, a Harley rider, or a cyclist. At least the cyclists and nissan drivers are probably young and thus far more alert than the average geriatric who thinks they're so cool for owning the worlds most gaudy motorcycle.
3 car lengths is a ridiculously too close following distance at freeway speeds.
>Many don't wear helmets because doing so might make them look like "fairies" to their friends in the outlaw biker gang.
I now live in a state which requires helmets for all riders.
This is a good idea – for exactly the reason you stated.
there’s lots offered near the bay area (where I’m from) and they don’t cost that much for what you’re getting in return
This has been a very terrible and very real lesson in mortality. Wish we had some basic social safety nets for middle-aged unemployables (e.g. single-payer healthcare).
But somehow no old bold riders.
In other countries they are a huge means of transport.
E.g. the most common motorcycle in Vietnam is the 110cc Honda Wave with a top speed under ideal conditions of ~60mph. It literally would not be called a motorcycle in the US.
So sad to see; I am walking his dogs; last time I saw him I said "I am just worried that this will make you spin out, again."
Definitely helped me continue deciding not to get a motorcycle, myself.
A freaking motorcycle with 300+ kilos moving ate highway speeds or more.
----
Certainly speed was a factor but isn't that why ya'll ride?
You can be the best rider in the world and still have a bad day/week/month/year/life.
I am back on the horse. It is just a zen and still relaxing time, albeit more anxiety while riding, than before. Thankful I can still ride, and I do.
I'm glad you're better. Tenacity.
More likely you're belted in your cage and surrounded by airbags.
Apples to orangutans.
Half of the group rides I see are to "honor" or "remember " a rider who died doing something stupid as well.
> people willing to judge me by what I could do next instead of only by what I had done before
I think this is a really tragic take so common in the United States. It feels like, at least to me, that societal trust has broken down so much that people are broadly unwilling to take a chance on anyone.
Jail is supposed to mean you paid your debt to society. It's supposed to say 'okay, you've made a mistake, have had time to ruminate on it, now go forth and prosper.' It's not retribution or vengeance, or at least it shouldn't be - especially for non-violent crimes.
I'm truly glad you were fortunate and strong enough to climb out. I wish that this was a more common story.
We need a bigger emphasis on rehabilitation. It ultimately costs LESS for society.
I can also tell you from my 3 years in prison + jail that the grand majority of people in there do not have the innate desire or intention to change.
But for the small percentage that do, they deserve the resources and opportunity.
Had to look away to stop from tearing up in Panera a few times at the end.
Sending this to my sister who has had struggles like this. She recently finished her BS and hopes to be an counselor or therapist after finishing her masters.
Myself, but I was just depressive until I got a PC, then I became a half-Hikkikomori until by brain exploded and seeked some nice metalheads around.
Logos/God/whatever bless that guy who gave me a Glam Rock/Metal CD at age 19/20, it changed my life a little for the good.
Metal and computers saved my life.
Except that I'm still unemployed even if I did tons of stuff after the advance trade (basic OOP Java/C# courses, Lisp, a bit of Docker and such...)
I even did some pre-college Math (calculus, discrete Math...) but no luck. Living and growing up in Spain sucks because almost no one would believe you that people can be a self-apprentice, here people it's very social-bounded (X does course-> Y joins it too). That's it.
My mentality it's more Atlantic than Mediterranean and I always had tons of conflcts.
Can relate. Been 45 years, for me. Got my act together at 18, but before that...
Thank you for sharing. It’s refreshing to see that there are people who will take a chance on you. Your story helps with the burnout of pushing through with little to no results and exponentially diminishing resources.
I haven’t been so lucky, I joined a tiny startup in 2018 that shut down a year later, landed contract work in 2019 that was meant to convert into full-time, but was let go due to the pandemic right before converting. My most recent employer fired me on christmas of 2022.
I had a falling out with friends because they wouldn’t refer me for any role including tech sales. My uni wouldn't consider me for a master's degree because my microprocessor architecture professor wasn't "comfortable" writing a rec letter despite me sitting front of class and getting an A, all while practically begging students to apply (all 2/2 people that applied got into the program). Even in grade school my 2nd grade teacher was fired for lying to my parents that I was underperforming in school and that I needed to get kicked out of the talented and gifted program and repeat the grade. I still don't know what to make of all of this.
I haven’t been able to land phone screenings, let alone a first round interview anywhere. I am having a hard time getting minimum wage work due to being "over-qualified". I've been priced out of my hometown. I’ve completed web development, data science, and cloud infra bootcamps as a way to up-skill while also having a degree in electrical engineering. I would consider myself adaptable: I've worked in designing/improving electrical hardware, reverse engineering, web, mobile.
I am first-gen American, grew up homeless, but received a world-class education. Sometimes I wonder if I’m on a blacklist somewhere, or if I need to fall further for something to finally click. I guess I’m just having a really long bad luck streak, so here’s to hoping something better is around the corner!
(More helpfully: when applying for job's you'd be called over-qualified for, just lie. Especially jobs that don't require a degree anyway, just leave it off the resume. Had to do that for a bit during the pandemic slump).
This same professor willingly approached my parents and me, wishing us well when I graduated, with no mention of the letter. The same friends called me sobbing, that they “forgot” to refer me to their managers, despite receiving daily reminders from me. They even tried to offer me money to remain friends. I don’t know what to make of that, either. Other friends have simply said they don’t know my quality of work, despite having me help them with assignments in college and beyond.
I appreciate the advice, however. Oddly enough, I’ve been rejected by companies due to my interviewers’ disbelief that I had actually accomplished what was on my resume. Maybe lying will convince them lol
I've not had nearly the adversity of the author, but I do know a little bit about what it's like to have an alternative background that makes companies not want to take a chance on you. It motivates you to take advantage of the chances you're given. The first time someone gave me a job, I felt so utterly grateful that I worked twice as hard as most and complained half as much. You could cynically call that exploitation, but I didn't see it that way.
When I came into a position to make my own hiring calls, I tried paying that forward, and I got some great employees from it. Arguably a couple duds as well, but I never regretted giving the chance.
Shout out to Hasura as well, btw. I've encountered their leadership team a couple times and everything about them has screamed integrity. It did not surprise me to hear that they are part of this story.
> When I came into a position to make my own hiring calls, I tried paying that forward, and I got some great employees from it. Arguably a couple duds as well, but I never regretting giving the chance.
Right now, the reason why you need humans in the loop is because you need someone with deep domain expertise and understanding of the particular nuances and architectural history behind a software product.
The reasons LLM's can't do this job currently is not an INHERENT limitation -- it's a technical one around context window limits and documentation.
There will always be people who don't want entirely autonomous development (who do you blame/fire when things go wrong) though.
I realize that it's not PRACTICAL advice, but I really do think if building software is what you're INTERESTED in, you should still give it your best try.
You spend the majority of your experienced life at work. Doing something you don't want to do, or find uninteresting, for most of your life (even though for many people this is the case) is a depressing and bleak prospect.
You may as well spend your time and energy trying to do something you like, because you're sort of stuck with it.
Had to read this a couple of times, to let it sink in that he is cutting with scissors and placing this paper document in a manilla folder.
That reflects how many people's experiences, especially in this job market.
So a combination of looking at what I had done to myself + everyone around me and going "what the fuck." and my ever-vigilant wife who knew I had the capacity and desire to get better.
For me it really took literally losing everything.
It was definitely a process (that included multiple jail stints and only god knows how many treatment centers), but 10 years later life is pretty awesome.
I think the stigma around methadone is causing a ton of harm. Having a program where you quite literally have to show up every day, take drug tests, and get counseling was really important.
"Just say no"?
Sadly, it doesn't work. If you're an addict, you'll end up manifesting in one way, or many ways. Drugs aren't the only way that it expresses itself.
I hate alcohol. I always have. The taste makes me sick. The best way to ruin a dessert, is to pour expensive booze on it.
That didn't stop me from becoming a prize-winning lush, though.
The thing about addiction, is that it just doesn't make sense. It can't be understood, when looked at, through a rational lens.
That's a big reason that Recovery is difficult. It's also often badly supported by family members, who don't understand the mechanisms.
But that's a long story, for other venues. I am happy to read his story, and sincerely wish him luck.
You know, I had a similar experience, but in my case I got an appointment with a psychiatrist afterwards, described the experience in detail, was given a computer test, diagnosed with ADHD, and then given a prescription. (Also in my case, I learned Adderall doesn’t actually feel great or help you if you take too much).
Take care of your kids. The war on drugs is stupid. Etc.
Thanks for sharing this part of your story dude!
Open source has changed the life of so many, from so many situations. We should be proud of our industry. Together we built something beautiful
I've read many similar stories, in nearly all of them a couple of helpful friends always show up to save the day. I find it absurd that some people consider this zero.
I too was bullied during all my childhood, I haven't had a single friend in my life, I can barely imagine the possibility of being able to ask a favor from someone and even receive something.
Having someone to rely on sounds luxurious to me. My life has been a series of rejections. Apart from that I was always healthy, able to provide for myself, but I don't have a story. Somehow I feel like that if I could start a new life, I would choose one like this guy's rather than relive mine.
> I haven't had a single friend in my life
> I can barely imagine the possibility of being able to ask a favor from someone and even receive something
> My life has been a series of rejections
I'm going to say this, and I mean it genuinely, so please do not find this insensitive:
What if you went to lunch with someone, and the first things they said to you were those 3 quotes at the top?
You'd probably much rather hear something like:
> I haven't had much luck making friends, YET
> In the past, I've not been very good at asking others for help, and sometimes I get afraid if I did, they might not give it
> I've been through a lot of hardships, SO FAR
One of the most impactful things a mentor once told me is:
> "We are the stories we tell ourselves."
I want to genuinely ask you, to give "telling yourself a different story" a try. You might be surprised at how well you can "fake it 'til you make it!"
Sorry to hear that life has been a struggle for you and that you've not had a good support system to aid you.
But it doesn't have to stay that way -- every day you live & breathe is an opportunity to start the first chapter of a very different story...
Again, I'm sorry for venting. I was triggered, but didn't mean to downplay your experience.
I found that opening up to people about deep personal issues makes them steer clear even faster.
I really do think if you put your mind to shifting the framing/perspective of your feelings though, that you can have a much different future than past
Hoping things start to go your way, mate
(And yeah, definitely don't dump personal issues on new friends. I find that making friends is much easier if you ask thoughtful questions after listening to them and letting other people do most of the talking at first.)
Sending a 14 year old convicted of drug crimes anywhere but a location that will help them is bizarre. Sending them to a max security anything leaves me speechless.
It easier to get paid, you can be in a flow state for hours. Enough to forget about other addictions. and less likely to be high always while programming
> and less likely to be high always while programming
It will even get to the point where you feel dependent on them to focus and "get things done", like being sober is a handicap.
I'm a recovering addict, felon, and have depression (lucky me). And though there were times where I could work an entire weekend without stopping, it was always followed by 2-3 days of doing absolutely nothing because I was so dope sick/depressed. The worse my addiction got, the shorter the "flow" period and the longer the recovery period took.
I have to know: how is your (now wife) doing?
It wasn't until years later she told me this.
We were able to send her back to university a second time to study something she is passionate about; she has a great support network of friends and (my) family. (Her family are drug addicts and gang members, so my family has sort of adopted her. It's a bit sad but none of her family were invited to our wedding.)
She's unemployed, but she's trying, and she says she never imagined that she could be so lucky in life.
similarly, i loved the story of the guy who got busted for running an illegal sports streaming site and was able to build himself back up.
hats off to you for your sobriety
Sometimes it felt like I'd never get a break, things wouldn't get better. But I tried to tell myself "Every occurrence in life is a numbers game. Against tiny odds, eventually enough attempts statistically OUGHT to pay off."
And the alternative is bleak, sort of sulking in this pit of despair without hope for tomorrow.
Every time I read stories like this my heart hurts. And I feel like I've been punched in the gut.
Every single time I read stories like this all my shit comes to the surface. Thank goodness for mental health professionals and prescription drugs.
No matter how I feel about your experiences, I want to know more. I want others to feel like they can share with people who are ready to listen and be supportive however we can.
You can help cultivate "luck" to a degree by increasing your number of experiences. Every person you happen across could be the one to change your life, and every job application could be the one that calls you back. You never know who is standing next to you in line.
And "support" you can tilt in your favor by trying to be a genuinely good person and being pleasant to be around + making others feel good. Humans gravitate towards people that they like being around.
> How can someone get up in such a difficult situation?
I had estranged my mother, didn't really talk to my adoptive father, and purposefully kept my maternal grandparents (who I am closest with) in the dark because I didn't want them to see me like this.
I also have 3 much younger sisters, who I didn't talk to for the same reasons as the grandparents.
I've made a HUGE effort to reconnect and make amends with my family. I'm on good terms with my parents and talk to both of them regularly, I explained to my grandparents after I got sober and visit them at least once a year, and I reconnected with my siblings who I now text regularly and we host a "sibling trip" where we get together over a weekend once each year.
I am very grateful that they saw my efforts and gave me a second chance. My oldest sister in particular was very wary.
No it's not. It's absolutely not personal responsibility that gets people through addiction.
And if you read the entire article, this should stand out:
> I don't tell this story because I think it is clean, heroic, or universally applicable -- It isn't. I made TERRIBLE choices. I hurt people who loved me. I wasted chances that other people would have killed for. And even when I finally started doing the right things, I still needed luck, help, timing, forgiveness, and people willing to judge me by what I could do next instead of only by what I had done before.
That doesn't sound like personal responsibility that sounds like having people around you that stick around even after you mess up.
I've been an addict for over 20 years (and spent the last 10 clean). I've been in close to a dozen treatment centers. What set me apart from the others (and why I technically "made" it) had very little to do with me. What set me apart was having an insane support system and grace from people who loved me.
I could not have climbed out of the hole I dug on my own, that I am almost CERTAIN of.
At the same time, if I had felt as though I were owed "more", and indignant about being "wronged", I think it would have made me slightly vindictive and less-positive.
To me, "Libertarianism" is about the power of personal-effort and opportunity. Not everything will pan out if you "just try hard and long enough", but at least THINKING it will (even if you know it's unlikely) feels like a better mindset to me than the alternative.
I was pretty fortunate in that while I may not have had the picture perfect childhood, my family was always there for me and in no way shaped my decisions to use. So even if I wanted to feel like a victim, I'd get snapped out of it pretty quickly.
When I look back at what set me apart from most others (I've been in numerous treatment centers, jails, and hundreds of NA meetings), the one thing that stood out to me the most was my support system. Others probably had a greater desire or more to lose, but because desire alone isn't enough, didn't always make it through. One example, my mom would drive hours each weekend to come visit me in treatment. That just didn't exist for the others I was there with.
I'm not political, but I would consider myself left-leaning Libertarian.
My mother is an Ayn Rand-loving die-hard Libertarian that was very active in politics. She gave me a lot of her books that I read in my youth.
I was raised in a very "The world owes you nothing, you only deserve what you earn." and "by your bootstraps" capitalist family.
(Family did not pay for my first car, my community college, etc. "Go get a job, you bum!")
"a legal "Research Chemical" with effects similar to MDMA (Methylone/bk-MDMA)"
Someone that is quick to assume without reading could easily make this mistake.. there are my research chemicals that are not technically categorized and not MDMA.
Read about Sasha to start https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexander_Shulgin
RIP Sasha, PiHKaL and TiHKaL were, stereotypically, staple books on my shelf during adolescence.