Comment by VirusNewbie | Hacker News Reader

Comment by VirusNewbie | Hacker News Reader

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>My hypothesis is that as societies industrialize, they afford their population more and more activities that are simply more fun and rewarding than having children.

But this is by and large not true. I've traveled, eaten at expensive restaurants, enjoyed a child free existence into my mid thirties and having kids is a blast[*]

My wife was adamantly against having kids when we got together in our twenties, and she changed her mind in her late thirties; she now says that was the best thing that has happened to her.

Finally, there are many studies showing that people lead happier lives when they focus on someone else, have a higher purpose beyond just hedonism or living selfishly.

[*] - I have a supportive partner who collaborates with me so we both get time away and time off from the occasional drudgery or exhaustion of parenting. I still get time to work out, see friends, have time with my wife, all of that. If I couldn't afford the occasional babysitter and had a partner who was absent most of the time, it would be a lot harder!

having kids is a blast

true, but you didn't know until you had them, and society keeps telling us otherwise. we need to change the message and educate youth about becoming parents. but also create a culture where having children is welcome.

in the west we complain about kids running around, making noise, being not under control. and most importantly we blame the parents. in china every child is treated like a treasure. sometimes even to a fault. but at least parents are not being blamed for having children, or for bringing them along when they have noone else to care for them. for example children hanging out at their parents workplace after school is normal. in the west that's ground for getting fired.

>in china every child is treated like a treasure. sometimes even to a fault. but at least parents are not being blamed for having children,

huh, I didn't know this. Thank you for sharing about your culture :)

i am not chinese, it's just an observation from living there.

Despite that, China has a fertility rate of 0.93, which is among the lowest in the world, and certainly much lower than the US (1.6).

So it doesn't seem that that cultural difference boosts the fertility rate all that much.

china destroyed its fertility rate with the one-child policy. so that is not comparable.

That's an easy answer, but it doesn't explain why nearby/culturally related countries like South Korea and Taiwan have similar or even lower fertility rates, despite never having a one child policy.

And of course China's fertility rate now is even lower than it was at any point when the one child policy was in effect.

How people feel about having kids doesn't seem to be a uniform thing. The majority of parents certainly seem to love their children, but I do see a lot of mixed opinions about whether they love being parents.

In my peer group, it's been about 50/50 between people who seem to really enjoy parenthood and others who are struggling. There are many reasons for struggling, like how they or their spouse handle the stress and how much help they have or pay for. But the biggest one is that kids largely take up a lot of time and energy.

It's hard for someone to expect that they'll enjoy parenthood when they look around and see many parents who are unhappy.

In my childless group of friends the ratio of happy to unhappy seems similar. What if it is not about the children but about the people? Each has its preferences, and damn I have seen a lot that have no clue what they like and continue doing things that makes them unhappy.

Maybe we should have like with "open university day", "open raise a child day". Some might like it more than imagine, some might hate it more than imagine.

I've heard of some schools doing this fake baby thing where you have to carry a sack of potatoes everywhere you go for a week.

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