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If you’re cooked because of Microsoft’s willful destruction of property, that just means it’s not a small claim anymore.

Destruction of property is a crime, and criminal cases are not in the scope of arbitration.

I actually have a retiree in mind to whom I’ll have to recommend LibreOffice https://libreoffice.org

You’re right, I’m sure nobody’s made any kind of mass activation scripts that you could find online and get a better experience than paying customers.